Love Bombing teenagers?

(10 Posts)
fifietta Sun 17-Feb-13 08:20:14

Has anyone tried love bombing a teenager in the way Oliver James describes (although he recommends it for 'up to puberty')?
I'd like to try it with my DD, 14 nearly 15, but I'm not sure she'll go for it as she's not super-keen on spending time with me or, in fact, leaving the house! Shopping trip might work but no guarantees.

I'd be interested to hear about this or any alternatives

cory Sun 17-Feb-13 10:49:41

Haven't read the book, but things that work well for us are:

watching a film together

having the occasional picnic on a sheet in the living room instead of dinner at the table

a meal out

Shopping works for lots of people, not so well for us as I tend to get bored and bad tempered.

BackforGood Sun 17-Feb-13 14:10:45

Tell us what 'love bombing' is, and we'll tell you if we've tried it grin

No, seriously, there's lots of stuff I read on MN that has been given a 'name' that I wonder what it is, and then it turns out to be something parents have always done, but it never used to have a name, or we'd never read the book that gave it a name.

YabbaDabbaWho Mon 18-Feb-13 01:15:23

BackforGood, I googled it the other day after reading it on MN. Love Bombing is when you do what every parent on the planet does when their child is feeling sad and lonely. You spend time with them. You may take them to a movie/park/minibreak. You let them choose things that make them happy.

But if buying a book describing everyday parenting make other parents feel better about themselves, who I am to judge!!

YabbaDabbaWho Mon 18-Feb-13 01:16:30

And fwiw, if we are going to label it, I lovebomb ALL THE FRICKIN TIME!! You can't go wrong making your kids feel special.

cory Mon 18-Feb-13 09:40:50

I assume since the poster has started this thread that there has been some kind of break or drift between her and her teen and she feels the need for a new start.

someoftheabove Mon 18-Feb-13 09:59:59

It sounds like something ghastly and American tbh. I work with vulnerable families and I would say, if you are feeling a bit of a gulf building up between you and your 14-year-old, remember that this is an essential stage in their development. They have to pull away from you to learn how to be independent. Just be normal with them and remember to listen! It's the most underrated parenting skill there is.

cory Mon 18-Feb-13 10:48:40

It depends, though, on the Ops actual situation, doesn't it, someoftheabove?

She hasn't told us.

It may be that her teen's distancing is part of the natural growing up process, but it may also be because something has gone wrong in that particular family: we don't know that.

Not all teen behaviour is normal and healthy just because some is. Sometimes trauma, depression, a big falling out or perceived betrayal, illness etc can mean that family members get into an unhealthy relationship.

I have never heard the term before, but after we had spent several years on supporting a sick and highly anxious teen, it became obvious (both to us and to CAHMS) that we needed to put in an extra effort, beyond the ordinary "just be there for them", to make sure that her brother didn't completely drop off the family edge.

This involved planning (with some difficulty) to take him out specially, to do things specially with him, rather than just hang around and wait for him to suggest things. He needed that because he was slipping into low level depression and getting used to the idea of always getting less attention.

Not all problems can be sorted by just being a healthy normal family.

someoftheabove Mon 18-Feb-13 11:37:48

True, cory. There wasn't much information in the OP, so I'm going on what we've been told. It's just it occurred to me that maybe OP's daughter was trying to put some distance between herself and her mum so that she could work out for herself who she is, without feeling she has to "hang out" with her mum! The reason I suggested active listening was because maybe there is something more to it, and OP's daughter is trying to convey that with her behaviour.

BackforGood Mon 18-Feb-13 23:15:12

Thanks Yabba - I figured it might be something pretty 'normal' that had then been given an odd label wink.
So, fifietta - now we know what it is you're talking about, can we be of any help? Do you want to tell us if something has happened, or if it's like someoftheabove has suggested ?

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