No Friends

(7 Posts)
cham72 Mon 21-Jan-13 22:00:20

I am sure that my 15 year old son has no real friends. He never seems to go out, he stays shut in his bedroom on his xbox talking to boys he goes to school with or is on his laptop. He very rarely goes out - when he does it is only for a short while. He plays football for a team but doesn't socialise with them. He never seems to get invited to parties and when I ask why he wasn;t invited he says he was but didn't want to go.

I have said for him to get another activity, but his whole world revolves around football -eats/sleeps/talks about nothing else.

I know his facebook password and occasionally go on there - he seems to make stories up when talking to people to get their attention. Tonight I have been on there and found out he was sat in the park on his own (he told me that he had been having a snowball fight), this has really upset me tonight. I can't say anything to him and I know it is wrong to go on there but sometimes it is the only way I find things out. When i ask him about his friends he says he has loads, but i never see them, nobody ever knocks for him.

Am i being too obsessed with this?

I am a lone parent and don't have anyone to talk to. I don't want him to go through life being a loner or not able to socialise with people. I know other parents have bigger issues than this but it is starting to really become an issue for me. Any advice?

Virtuallyarts Mon 21-Jan-13 22:11:34

Hi, there was another thread recently about this, which might reassure you, if only that you are not alone! have a look in teenagers section - there were several posters whose dteens never or rarely went out. It does seem from that thread as though maybe dteens go out less generally now, because of social media, x box etc, so your ds may not be that unusual.
if he has a hobby like football that is very positive, and may lead to more social activity eventually?
I think lots of parennts do worry about this though, but perhaps social life has changed, and 'going out' is less important to them than it was to us?

njaw Mon 21-Jan-13 22:19:39

I could have written this myself literally word for word. DS1 is same age, exactly the same in every behaviour.
What are his plans for after GCSE's? My son is really looking forward to college, a new start and being in the same boat as everyone starting afresh.

It has worried me in the past and I do wonder how we can support him but I think he's just one of those kids that doesn't necessarily need a lot of people around him. DS2 is the opposite and is the popular kid, although all the attention is for the wrong reasons. It's odd seeing how contrasting their social approaches are.

Keep giving him opportunities, loads of hugs (if you are allowed them!) and lots of chats!

lousloopy Tue 22-Jan-13 16:03:42

Hi I too have a 15yr old who rarely goes out and never has any friends calling.. He is an online gamer. I understand all the government guidelines 2 hours of screening a day etc but enforcing them is another matter. I agree times are changing and online socialising is more important to many teens. My son is overweight because he is so inactive but just won't recognise it.

I would really like to hear from mums who have been through this and are out the other side. I am keen to know how it ends; do they just grow out of it? What are the long term effects if any?

Virtuallyarts Tue 22-Jan-13 21:19:01

Lou on the other thread there were some posters whose sons had become more social later on! I can't link but it's in teenagers, and the title's about a 14 yr old. So it can indeed be a phase - the thing is you sometimes need to have quite an active 'organiser' to get people to go out, and maybe none of his group fits that bill.
Does your ds seem to have friends at school? If so they may be enough for him at the moment - as you say, changing times, changing social lives..

bubby64 Tue 22-Jan-13 22:54:34

Hi cha72 if you get and read this its got a section on just this type of "self isolating" behaviour. It is really common in boys of your DS age. Please do not let it concern you too much. He is showing one of the "normal" behaviours of some teenage boys

cham72 Mon 28-Jan-13 21:06:48

Hi and thanks for your comments, it is hard because he won't talk and when I say anything he gets defensive and says here we go again. He spent this whole weekend in his bedroom only coming out for food/drink and watch a bit of TV but even then he goes back to watch it in his bedroom. The people that he normally plays on line with didn't seem to be about this weekend.

I don't want him to go through life not being able to communicate with people and he doesn't get this when I say anything. I try to understand that maybe he prefers his own company but when not one single person ever knocks/rings to see if he is coming/wants to out doesn't seem right to me, especially when I see boys from his year walking around. I wonder if I speak to his Head of House and see if she has any ideas, but maybe this is more my problem than his.

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