He is smoking!

(10 Posts)
StressDaily Thu 10-Jan-13 21:25:33

DS1 is 15, he'll be 16 in May. I'm a lone parent, his father is not particularly involved (sporadic contact), and I have another DS aged 13. We have a good relationship generally. We have the occasional argument but in the main everything goes along in a stable and calm manner.

I got a letter home today from the police shock. It informed me that DS1 had been caught smoking at the local hangout.

I'm really disappointed in him, I smoked and he always hated it (this is all so predictable). Anyway, I'm not sure what to do really, I've spoken to him calmly, and told him that I don't go out to work to give him money to spend on fags! I've told him that I'm disappointed and upset.

Now I'm a bit stuck. Ive told him that he's not going out this weekend and that youth club is also not happening (hit him where he lives) for a few weeks - this is for me getting a letter from the police <faints>

Is there anything else I should be doing?

Help!

AliceCrowley Thu 10-Jan-13 21:30:19

Jesus wept- have the plod got nothing better to do with their time?

deleted203 Thu 10-Jan-13 21:32:45

FROM THE POLICE???? (Sorry, I know I'm screaming - but honestly!).

I'm a smoker - we all did at 15 when I was at school and I just find a police letter complaining of a 15 yo smoking just SO bizarre I'm hysterical. (I take it it's an area of very low crime?). Having said that my 18yo DS (who like yours was hideously anti-smoking) returned at Christmas and joined me for the odd fag. I was really disappointed in him and said 'I know it's hypocritical of me, BUT....I've smoked for 30 odd years and I'm a sad addicted old fag hag. You must be dumb to start something so addictive. Can you not quit now before you get hooked? And went on to tell him how employers tend to find it unprofessional, etc. It doesn't impress girls. People judge you and you are such a social leper, etc.

Honestly.....I don't think there is much you can do. By all means point out the stupidity of smoking. Point out you don't work to fund expensive fags. I think you've done the right thing. It's not a major crime.

(And I'd be furious that the police were spending taxpayers money on such a shit and pointless exercise, TBH. What a non event catching a 15 yo lad with a fag is).

StressDaily Thu 10-Jan-13 21:33:19

I think it's good that they're keeping an eye on the kids after school. He's actually been lying to me about where he has been going after school as well. Double whammy.

StressDaily Thu 10-Jan-13 21:37:12

X posted.

We're in a fairly normal area, suburban, crime happens.

There's always been an issue which gangs of yoof hanging around at the shopping centre. The police now have a zero tolerance policy up there I think, as it can be intimidating for people to be catching their bus/shopping/whatever when all the teenagers get out of school.

I'm sure this is what's happened here, the community police are patrolling the area, caught him and sent me a letter!

I smoked at 15 too, I just never got caught, but we all want better for our children don't we? sad

amumthatcares Thu 10-Jan-13 21:37:56

My DD was smoking at 15/16 and as much as I knew suspected it, she would never admit it to me because she didn't want me to be disappointed. She turned 18 in November and we now have to accept that she smokes, as much as we don't want her too. When we spoke to her about it she replied 'mum if you knew half of what other 18 year olds get up to, you would be grateful that I only smoke' That was a little reality check. She works hard, does well at school, is a very considerate person and has never brought us any trouble (even when a lot of her friends were shoplifting at 14), so you have to put these things in perspective. They will experiment at 15/16, it's par for the course though if DD had admitted at 15 she was smoking I would have been far from happy sad

deleted203 Thu 10-Jan-13 22:55:44

Yes....we do all want better for our children. I can understand you are sad that he is smoking. I'm sad my son is too, because I'd hoped that none of them would do so, having seen my struggles to quit/start again/quit/start again. But it's almost impossible to convince a 15 yo that you know better - particularly if he has got peer pressure/desire to look cool to contend with. Hopefully it's something he will outgrow. And as amum says, if hanging around the shopping centre smoking is the worst of his crimes then you have a lot to be thankful for. I think the only thing you can do is the sadder and wiser face and make it clear you won't tolerate him smoking at home. And that if you get another letter from the police for any reason then he is in BIG trouble. Good luck!

flow4 Tue 15-Jan-13 20:44:57

My DSes' school has a police officer based on site. He is regularly involved in 'policing' the smokers. He leads the searches, when the kids suspected of smoking are told asked to empty their pockets/bags/etc. The letters home about smoking come from the police force, and not the school.

Of course I don't condone smoking at school... Of course I wish DS and his friends didn't smoke... But while our Police Authority says they don't have enough officers to respond to all burglaries the same day/night, and they have closed our local police station, it seems an insane waste of time and money that they use police officers to monitor teenagers' smoking. confused sad

Toomuchtea Thu 17-Jan-13 19:23:49

I agree with sowornout - DS announced with some pride that he particularly enjoyed cigars. For once in my dealings with my teens, I think I hit the right note when I told him he was absolutely not, not ever, allowed to smoke in the house but other than that it was up to him. For the main, that seems to have worked.

Staggered though that you had a letter from the police, OP.

ConnieM1970 Tue 22-Jan-13 12:52:24

As someone that started smoking at a young age and still smoking ughhh, I know how addicting it is for both adults and for kids. My 15 year old started about a year ago and no matter how much I lectured and talked to her she kept on smoking. I decided it was not a battle I was going to continually fight and realized she was as addicted as I was. I don't like the fact that she smokes but I have accepted it and just hope that eventually she will quit.

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