DD has not spoken to us for weeks

(27 Posts)
Toomuchtea Tue 18-Dec-12 18:17:50

A bit of background: we are moving house, where we have been since DD was 3. She is now 17. We have to move somewhere smaller and cheaper. DD will not be moving schools, but will be moving area. When the idea of moving first came up she was furious, but calmed down and appeared to be excited about the idea of moving. She came and looked at one place with me, but couldn't come to the next as she was working; and that appeared to be the trigger for the shut down. She refused to listen to any details of the house, and when I made an appointment for her to look at it with me, rocked up quarter of an hour late (the house is less than 5 minutes from school).

Since then, and that was the beginning of November, she has refused to say anything other than the occasional word. None of it is helped by the fact that we rejected the two houses we saw (both needed expensive work) and there is nothing for sale in the area we want to be in, and precious little to rent either, particularly as we have animals. Our sale is galloping on - there is absolutely no way we are going to pull out - and unless something new appears in the New Year, we are going to have to rent in a different area, but one in which she will still be able to go to the same school.

I have tried and tried to get her to tell me what the problem is, but she flatly refuses. All she will do is say she is "fine" in a tiny, tiny voice. She appears to be (mostly) doing alright at school, though I now find out she hasn't done as well as expected in her biology mock. It appears to be just us she is furious with. If other friends are in the room, she is completely normal with them.

Having tried and failed to get her to open up, I am now trying to treat her normally, and ignore the silence. Help. Am I just getting it horribly wrong? I am absolutely at my wits' end. And sorry for the length of this.

BandersnatchCummerbund Thu 27-Dec-12 00:07:52

Part of the problem may well be that you're moving right at the time that she's about to go to university. Going away to university and leaving everything familiar behind is a huge change - it's the time above all when they want to be able to come home to their own room in their own house with their own parents and their own old friends living on the same street, and everything reassuringly exactly the same. She won't be able to put down roots somewhere new in the same way if she's only there for half the year. I remember the hurt one of my university friends expressed when he went home for Christmas and his old bedroom just didn't exist any more - his parents had turned it into the TV room. Another one was very upset because his parents had just divorced in his sixth form year, his mum had moved, and now he was going home and none of his friends lived nearby any more.

Having said all that, a six week sulk is most definitely not on!

ImperialBlether Sat 29-Dec-12 12:06:47

Can I ask whether your DH is her father?

How old is her brother? Why does she get first say in which bedroom she'll have? Being the younger child can often mean you never get the best bedroom - is this the case for your son?

Where is she in the family? Is she the eldest?

Will she talk normally if one of your friends is there? If so, I'd be tempted to leave her in the room with your friend for a while to see if she can get any sense out of her.

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