Anyone else's teen not made it to school/college today?

(56 Posts)
flow4 Mon 19-Nov-12 09:22:47

I'm feeling a bit fed up and frustrated. My DS hasn't made it to college this morning. He overdid it at the weekend, basically. sad When I checked to see why he wasn't up at 7:15 he said he was "feeling ill". hmm Of course he is bloody feeling ill: that's what happens when you get wrecked at the weekend and don't get enough sleep! To my mind, you just have to push on through...

This is the first time he has done this since he started his course in Sept. But he did it often last year, so I am fretting a bit about him slipping back into bad habits. I'm guessing this is quite normal teenage behaviour, and colleges must be used to it and not at all convinced by teenagers who are coincidentally always poorly on Mondays but it would be reassuring to hear from other parents whose teens are also still in bed!

doublecakeplease Mon 26-Nov-12 21:10:40

I teach in FE and it drives me mad when our teens don't make it in because of hangovers then they (or their parents) demand 1:1 help / complain when EMA payments are stopped. BUT I remember being a nightmare teen who skived college too and you sound like you care (so many don't which makes me sad). Not looking forward to that stage - already threatening that my DS will be sleeping on the floor if he refuses to get out of bed - we'll see though! ;-)

Do the college keep you informed of absences? I had a student was late most days - I offered him a choice - unauthorised absence (and no payment) or he gave me Mum's number - I rang home and she was really shocked by his punctuality record. She explained that she really couldn't afford to send him if his money was stopped. Words were obviously had and he's been on time every day! Good luck!

flow4 Mon 26-Nov-12 23:34:30

I spent over an hour composing a long reply to you double, but have lost it somehow. angry sad > sigh < I'm tired.

Just to say... Parents of teens this age are generally entirely powerless. They can try all sorts of incentives, bribes, sanctions, etc. to get their DC to go to college, but if the DC does not want to go, then there is nothing the parent can do.

(Most of my post was about what I tried, and how it didn't work hmm ).

Please, next time you catch yourself thinking that a parent "doesn't care", consider that they may in fact care very much - and has quite likely tried everything you can think of suggesting they try, and more.

doublecakeplease Tue 27-Nov-12 10:37:44

Flow - I think you've homed in on a 'negative' vibe from my post - if you re-read it it's not. I understand and remember being a teen whose Mum had to fight to get me to college. However I do have experience of being on th eother side now and many parents don't actually care (lots do but many don't) - and have told me so - quote 'it's not my problem anymore - she's old enough to get herself in' from 1 parent this week where I work. Please don't misread / put emphasis on what's not there.

flow4 Tue 27-Nov-12 10:55:20

Not particularly, double smile You are probably picking up on the irritation I felt because I'd spent an hour answering and discussing the issue in detail, and then lost what I wrote!

I also taught for 4 years in FE and 3 in HE, so I have some understanding of where you're coming from.

However, IMO when a parent says 'it's not my problem anymore - she's old enough to get herself in', it is (a) literally true and (b) probably a reflection of the frustration and hopelessness that parent feels, after years of trying. I am suggesting that rather than 'not caring', that parent is admitting defeat.

BTW, you are obviously much more conscientious about engaging with parents than most college tutors. I have only ever heard from one, and that was after I had spent several weeks trying to contact him! And when I was a tutor myself, I never spoke to any parents at all, although I taught 600 or 700 students - but that was about 15 years ago, so maybe expectations have changed...

cory Wed 28-Nov-12 19:33:33

good to hear about your ds, flow- I think we owe it to ourselves to enjoy any positive bit to the full to make up for the rest! smile

fwiw we spent the morning at the children's mental health clinic and as far as I can make out a substantial part of the treatment consists of pointing out to dd that, actually, I can't take responsibility for her life any more; she has to take ownership of her own problems. I think there is a lot of truth in that.

(we've now had the all clear from physical medics re her kidneys, but her counsellor confirmed that this latest trouble has tipped her back into depression, so we're going to have to start all over again with getting her back into school, aiming at not earlier than end of next week for her first attempt)

flow4 Wed 28-Nov-12 19:49:02

Thanks cory smile

I'm glad your DD's kidney infection is sorted... But sorry to hear she's depressed again. I guess it's hardly surprising, poor girl.

How are you? Have you got counselling or other support for yourself?

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