How to say 'No' nicely?

(11 Posts)
misstrunchball Tue 13-Nov-12 14:49:28

My DD1 has her 16th birthday coming up soon and wants a dog. We had a dog who we lost 2 years ago and I don't want another one. He was lovely but became a tie towards the end as he could never be left on his own for long which curtailed family days out, we either only went for half a day or DH stayed at home. He, DH not the dog, didn't like strangers coming in to let the dog out so that was out of the question. (Dog wasn't too keen either)

She has set her heart on a maltipoo!! type dog but I am trying to explain to her that she is hoping to go to uni in a couple of years and it would be left to me to look after it. I feel it's unfair to have a dog in a house where we work. I work part time but can't get home till about 2ish and then have after school activities which take us out of the house from 4ish till about 7 at least 3 nights a week. DH works shifts which means there are some days he's home but others where he works 12 hours.

How do I get my point across without it becoming an argument?

bigbluebus Tue 13-Nov-12 16:40:34

Sorry, just typed a long reply - and then lost it!!

I am on your side here. I have seen a friend fall for this and she is paying the price.

Just tell her that a 'dog is for life' and her life in 2 yrs time will not be conducive to owning a pet. It wouldn't be fair on the dog if it had to go to a new home because you can't/don't want to look after it. Her time to have a dog is once she has gone through Uni, has a job and is settled down somewhere and is able to care for it herself.

You could come at it from the angle of you being really sorry but she can't have one for all the reasons you've said. Let her know that you have thought about it a lot and it isn't a knee jerk answer. And reassure her that this won't be the only opportunity she will have to get one.

HousewifefromBethlehem Tue 13-Nov-12 16:49:02

Tell her she can have the cash you would have paid for the dog to spend it in topshop?? grin

twentyten Tue 13-Nov-12 16:53:09

Agree.Stay strong.We gave in when dd was 10-only thing she's ever wanted and we had a year of HELL. Now the dog has improved but yes it is a huge long term tie.
What about dog money towards driving lessons?

misstrunchball Tue 13-Nov-12 17:36:19

Thank you for your replies - will try a couple of the suggestions.

Spending money in Top Shop or New Look might be the way to go as she loves spending other peoples money smile

She also wants a scooter to get around on so will tell her she will have to buy her own petrol.

A cat?
Much lower maintenance , independent if you have a cat flap and fulfils the cuddly pet criteria.

HermioneHatesHoovering Sun 18-Nov-12 08:42:27

"Yes darling, of course you can have a dog, when you have your own home".

That ^ is what you say.

DameMargotFountain Sun 18-Nov-12 08:49:41

you tell her exactly the reasons why, the way you've put it in your OP, and stick to it.

it's not fair on the dog, and until she realises this, sorry but she's no way ready to keep one.

good luck and stay strong

Mrsjay Sun 18-Nov-12 10:31:15

we got a dog recently he is lovely if a little wired to the moon but my Dds begged and begged and we relented and it is now down to me and well me to look after him DD is at college and working she also does overtime at work DH is working DD2 does walk him but even though i like the dog it is hard work and i sort of regret it now blush say when you have your own house then you can get a dog then just leave it as that

"DD I know you dearly want a dog, but to bring one into.our home would be so tying and restrictive in terms of holidays etc, so im sorry but I am going to have to say no" If she badgers you after that "we have discussed this. By all means get one when you have your own home" and repeat ad nauseum

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