Instant Gratification - & coping with disappointment

[lookoveryourshouldernow]

It is me or are teenagers just not able to cope with the concept of "trying again" or coping with disappointment ???

Had a fairly frustrating day today - DS has failed his driving test for the second time - this time a set of circumstances which he could not have had envisaged - even if he was a seasoned driver...

OK - dust yourself down and let's put in the for the test again... but NO - all out full despondancy - despite the fact that there is a car just waiting on the drive for him and a set of parents who are willing and able to throw whatever amounts of money to get him his independence (however long and however many driving tests we have to pay for) .... to enable him to escape this rural idyll

I am so frustrated - what is it with teenagers that they appear to think that that because they decide to go something and they fail at the first hurdle - then that's it.... #thatsitIgiveup!!!

They seem to hanker after an instant gratification - where does this come from...

I have tried to talk to him about "how lucky" he is - but all on deaf ears - I am rapidly losing my patience....

[gingeroots]

No advice but find myself in similar situation .
Twice failed driving test so he's sunk into inertia .
Has agreed that I can rebook .

[bigbluebus]

No experience yet.... but can invisage this in a couple of years time with DS. He has always been clever and has never really had to try at school to be near the top. Obviously I keep telling him as he gets older he will need to put more work in to get the results he wants but at the moment he hasn't really failed at much. He rarely bothers with any activity he is not instantly good at - that rules out most sports! He is adamant he will be learning to drive as soon as he turns 17 next year - but think he will chuck his rattle out of his pram very quickly if he does not grasp it straight away!
I feel your pain! Perhaps you need to stop giving your DS lifts then the incentive to try again will be greater!

[SecretSquirrels]

Yes I really identify with that. DS1 is very ambitious and highly motivated at school. He does work hard but sailed through his GCSEs without too much trouble. The problem is that anything he tries that doesn't come so easily throws him and he just gives up.
He went for a job interview in April for a part time job.
In his opinion he was the cleverest and best at the type of work involved, therefore he should get the job.
He didn't.
He was shell shocked and his confidence was so shattered that he is now terrified of interviews.

[Bluestocking]

I don't have a teenager myself (yet) but work with university students so do have some experience of this age group! How about a bit of reverse psychology? You could do this two ways. One way would be to back right off and don't mention driving or the driving test at all, and wait for him to bring it back up and to ask you to rebook -or even better, to take the initiative and rebook himself. The other way would be to be very sympathetic and to say that you completely understand that he's lost interest in driving, and perhaps he isn't really ready to take responsibility for a car and driving yet. I am 99% sure that within a day or two he'll be ready to raise the subject with you!

[brighterfuture]

Maybe he needs a bit of empathy. He must feel really shit about having failed the 2nd time and also incredibly frustrated if there's a car so near and yet so unavailable. Let him feel crap and despondent for at least today and tell him you understand how he must be feeling.
If we allow ourselves to truly accept and aknowlege how we are feeling without judgement we can move on all the more quickly.

[TessCowDirect]

Speaking from experience, I would say give him some space - allow him to wallow in self-pity, rant about the "injustice of it all" and just hear him out whilst nodding sympathetically.

He will get over it and he will try again. He just doesn't need to hear "never mind, you can always try again" just now.

It's a maturity thing. It will get better.