I don't come on often and last time I was talking about my 17yr old DD and her horrid attitude - Personally I have reconciled myself to the state we are in at the moment - she needs to feel that she comes from a horrid family (she doesn't), is hard done by (she isn't) and is controlled (she isn't) in order to make something of herself and her life - she thinks we are a dysfunctional family when actually now she is the dysfunctioning member - the rest of us are okay - normal but okay. Basically, she can't put a finger on why she dislikes us all (me especially) so much but she does and she seems unable to change. I feel our relationship is getting to the point where I can't see a why back for her - she is so disparaging, still flinches if I touch her (apparently it's impossible to control! SHe has been told to stop), and basically hates me.
So be it. I love her dearly but I don't like her at the moment. If I was her friend and she treated me like this I would drop her very, very quickly. So I have stopped involving her and thinking about making her happy, stopped trying to buy her love back,, if she wants something she can buy it herself (I buy all basics etc) but anything extra is now her responsibility. For the first time in my life I am treating my children differently depending on their behaviour. Be nice to me and I am nice to you - she isn't nice so she doesn't get the extras. I've accepted that, this is the way it is, she is just waiting to leave home and I accept that as what she should do and am trying to help organise it for her next stage in education (post A levels) - not that she wants help. It is our job as parents to encourage our children to leave us as fully fledged well functioning adults with the back up of home when needed. She still has that.
Anyway, my question is . . . how long will it be before she realises how much she has 'made up' in her head about how horrid we are and will we ever be able to have a good mother / daughter relationship again or has that gone forever? At the moment I can't see us ever being close again - not until the day her own daughter does the same to her. So 20? 24? 36? never?
What experiences do others have?
Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.
Teenagers
DO they ever get better?
Spid · 01/11/2012 14:01
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