He's gone, and said he will never talk to me again!

[filthycute]

My almost 19 year old has just stormed out with his bags packed, left his phone and said he never wants to see or speak to me again! Lovely. He's changed a lot recently, he rarely comes home anyway and when he does he's really entitled. In the last 2 days he's told me to fuck off 3 times, once for asking him to take the rubbish out and tonight because I asked him to remove his clean washing from the tumble dryer.

He's also been bullying me a fair bit, aggressive in his language, dismissive of my opinion. I tell him in no uncertain terms that this is not on, but we have argued about it loads. So anyway he's gone, I feel sad but not devastated. Of course I'm worried about school (hes doing his a levels) I know this is stressful for him, but the behaviour has to stop and I couldn't just let him keep on with it.

I want to have a good relationship with him and we have always been really close but maybe now I have to let go? What do you think any advice?

[PhyllisDoris]

I reckon he'll be back after a few uncomfortable nights in a friends floor and no mobile phone!

[SageMist]

I had a similar situation with my DS when he was 16. He left and didn't speak to for 6 months, then gradually made contact. He never did come back to live with me, and now he's 27 and comes to tea a couple of times a month!
When he left I can honestly say I was relieved. I knew he was safe though, so didn't worthy too much about him.

[SageMist]

Worry not worthy!

Anyway, advice, don't have much, but try not to smother him when he does make contact. I had to bite my tongue sometimes, lol.

[safflower]

I give it an hour without the phone.

[TeaTeaLotsOfTea]

I was like that with my mother when I was 19.

TBH I didn't live there at 19 because I'd moved at 17 but only because she was a horrible bitch who would beat me because she was jealous of my life.

I'd be really gutted if that happened between DS and I.

Has something happened that would make him look at you in a different light?

do you think it might be some sort of substance thats having an effect? ie drink drugs perhaps a gambling problem?

[JennyCliff]

Sounds like things have been pretty awful for you - take a deep breath. Let him take a deep breath. DO NOT chase after him or in any way suffocate him. It's his choice now - he's over 18 so really your own options are limited. Sit back and let time pass.

Best wishes and good-luck.

[filthycute]

Thanks, I suspect it may be a combination of things, I know he is stressed about his exams - he has very high ambitions for university and needs 3 A's but his teacher is on long term sick and they are falling behind. Also he is spending most nights with friends who live in a house with no rules - e.g smoking pot, hanging out till all hours no nagging etc. I am also concerned about what and how much he may be smoking - but he has certainly changed. Hes generally ok unless I ask him to do something or disturb him - he just seems really stressed. But also the bullying behaviour is not new it has just escalated recently. I know I probably need to leave him to work it out, but It feels so wrong!

[JennyCliff]

It sounds as though he hasn't grown up yet - that isn't meant as an insult, more a suggestion. It certainly wouldn't be uncommon. He's spreading his wings but not always getting it right. Time for him to make his own mistakes. Stand by to make the tea and provide the sympathy.
I appreciate it feels wrong - actually it must be pretty terrifying and I'm already dreading my DD's 18th which is less than 6 months away. Time rushes by and at some point to we have to let them off the leash - it may feel wrong but really it's the right thing to do.

Hope you're ok.

[filthycute]

Jenny thank you, I think that you are right, he hasn't really grown up. He has had a very cosseted life, I have protected him from a lot - including his Dad leaving and abandoning him at 12. I have probably never let him face a real challenge. I know I need to let him go, I think that he feels a bit responsible for me, even though I assure him he isn't, I think he thinks my life is hard and feels like he should do something - but it really isn't. I really do over involve myself in his life, I just want him to be happy.

[ImperialBlether]

Have you heard from him, OP?

[flow4]

I was just wondering that as well...