(8 Posts)
Carmeyjo Mon 03-Nov-14 23:31:55

I am going through the same thing with my daughter who is 17. I believed I could help her to recover from anorexia, depression and self harm. We saw a psychiatrist and nutritionist but she just got worse. After a year of battling away with her, she started to become uncontrollable and aggressive. She refused to eat with the rest of the family, she set herself very strict eating rules and was obsessed with Tumblr and all the unhelpful, weird eating disorder and depression blogs on there. We had her admitted to a private psychiatric hospital, thankfully funded for us by BUPA. She was there for two months. She has been out for 10 months now and still continues to recover, but it's a long, slow and often painful process. She is on a strict eating plan and Fluoxotine (40mg) and sees the psychiatrist, councillor and nutritionist regularly. I'm not sure what the future holds for my daughter but my advice to you is to get help as soon as you can - the sooner the better - don't delay and don't be fobbed off. This will not go away. We waited far too long, foolishly believing we could help her. Go private if funds allow in any way. Just do whatever it takes. I am shattered by the daily routine and the endless appointments but I hope it is all worth it in the end. Try to stay as calm as you can at all times (this is so difficult). Try to keep your emotions in check, find time for yourself and don't blame yourself that your daughter is sick.

mindfulmum Sat 18-May-13 21:10:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primadonnagirl Sat 18-May-13 16:24:31

I had two episodes of anorexia in my early teens and 20s. As others have said every eating disorder is different but I hope I can help a little. Control is the centre of this..your daughter will be desperate to retain control of her food intake so anything you do that challenges that ( however well intentioned or by accident) will increase her anxiety..her depression and lac of nutrients means she probably isn't seeing things clearly hence her suspicion about what you are trying to feed her..The bottom line though is she doesn't want to be like this really and knows how worried you are but has bigger issues in her mind so all you can really do is be there for her..sounds trite I know but it's really true. Please don't comment on what she is or isn't eating and any strange routines she has around food. Focus your time with her on positive conversations about anything else and praise her at every opportunity you can. If she's getting medical help , and you feel they are giving her the right treatment the tell yourself they know what to do about her health issues..but you know best on how to love her and concentrate on doing just that. I promise you when this passes she will know how much you've helped just by supporting her xx

TwinklyFairy Sat 18-May-13 16:08:52

I have a 16 year old daughter who is suffering from depression for the last 8 months and is being seen by CAHMS. We have been through so many ups and downs. One thing that I have worked out is that my daughter really struggles to make decisions, especially about food. It got to the point that she would survive on an apple a day. We then decided to take her up a tray with nibbles on it (apple, grapes, yoghurt, packet of crisps, cheese) she would say that she didn't want it, but we would leave it and thankfully a lot of the time she would eat some, if not all of it. We never passed comment if she did nor didn't eat it. Sometimes it all went in the bin but that was a small price to pay for the times that she did eat it. I am happy to say that food is not the issue anymore.

The best piece of advice I have been given is this "be a thermostat not a thermometer". Try and keep yourself level and calm and don't go up and down with your daughter. It is a difficult thing to do, but I felt that I was on a rollercoaster. I am some days, but most of the time I am coping better, which is better for everyone in the family. More than anything find something for yourself, a little bit of you time. Best wishes.

twentyoneagain Sun 21-Oct-12 11:54:34


My own dd went through something very similar at that age and the website I have posted was an absolute Godsend. Please read and also check out the forum which is incredibly helpful.

Unfortunately many GPs are not terribly clued up on eating disorders but you will find all the info you need on the above site.

Just to let you know my own dd is now a healthy and well adjusted 17 year old and leading a "normal" life.

Take care of yourself and arm yourself with as much information as you can. This can be beaten.

OhSoVintage Fri 19-Oct-12 13:43:43

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any real advice but its obviously such a worry.

Having a sister go through anorexia through my teenage years and then developing bulimia in recent years I hope I can give you a little insight. But every eating disorder is very different!!

But I know I would get very suspicious of my husbands intentions when it comes to food. If he asks me to eat something I will think there is a hidden meaning and I would become very sneaky act strangely around food.
Also not eating does strange things to your brain and you do start to loose touch with reality and what is normal.

For me it was a control issue (but there are so many reasons that an eating disorder develops) I was depressed and felt I had no control of my life. Controlling what I ate and my body shape was a way of having some control in my life, that at the time I felt was positive.

I think that by trying to keep life as normal as possible, you are doing the right thing. There is so many abnormal things going on when you have an eating disorder that its so easy to loose touch. Having somebody there for you to keep a level of normality is priceless. That will help her with both her depression and her eating disorder.

I really hope things improve for her and your family. It sounds like such a heart breaking situation to be in. Stay strong for her and help her to feel in control of her life.

Bumping for the late shift for you

fionaand Mon 15-Oct-12 18:44:49

Hello. I last put a message on here in July about my 14 year old daughter refusing to go to school. She has since had counselling with CAMHS which had a phased return to school plan, this worked some days and not others. About 2 weeks ago she admitted that she had been making herself sick after meals so as not to put on any weight and became very low in mood and depressed. Her CAMHS counsellor referred her to a psychiatrist and we pulled her out of school to ease the pressure on her. The psychiatrist has put her on Fluxotine medicine which is given in small doses daily to build it up to 15mg. But yesterday evening she started looking at us all as if she didn't trust us me, her dad and brother. Then this morning she wouldn't drink her juice when i asked her why not she said that I had put sugar in the drink and that I had done the same with her dinner the evening before. Is this a normal reaction? I phoned the psychiatrist and they said not to worry as we are seeing them tomorrow.
As well as suffering with this depression she also seems to be suffering with some kind of anorexia and is eating next to nothing each day. Today all she had was half a rich tea finger biscuit. The psychiatrist is aware of this and her weight is being closely monitored to see if it falls within the danger zone.
Has anyone else had experiance of this kind of thing. I have tried everything I can to get her to eat. The fridge is full of petit filous yogurts and small food to try and help her but NOTHING seems to tempt her. I don't nag her or put any pressure on her. We still all sit down together at the dinner table in the evening to try and keep things as normal as possible, but they're obviously not.
Any advice anyone?

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