I have found a condom

(41 Posts)
BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 12:17:56

in DS's wallet.

He is 15 (yr 11) his GF is 14 (yr 10). I have obviously spoken to him previously about respect/age of consent/pregnancy etc. but what now?

Do nothing?
Should I talk to him, or even both of them together?
Should I speak to her Mother?

Help!

Also, I should also ask if condoms survive in a 40 degree wash? weak smile

WofflingOn Sat 13-Oct-12 12:21:42

Talk to him, if he's having sex, especially underage, then he needs to know the possible consequences, and the fact that it's illegal with a 14 year old.
He may be having sex, he may be hopeful, he may be carrying one for bravado.
I gave my DS condoms to practise with, he's not had sex yet but when he does, I wanted him to know how to put one on and make sure it is done properly.
No, I haven't supervised, or checked his progress! grin

Yddraigoldragon Sat 13-Oct-12 12:24:47

I tend to think that if they are going to do it they will, and having condoms available is a damn good idea. I would buy a box and put them in the bathroom cabinet /his bedroom and make sure he knows they are there.

You are not encouraging him to do this, you are making sure that if it happens they are protected.

BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 12:25:34

I did speak to him about all that less than a month ago.

I'm just wondering if I should talk to both of them or involve her parents?

WitchesWreakinHavoc Sat 13-Oct-12 12:26:03

Sounds a sensible lad to me. My ds is 15 and I buy him condoms, i would much rather he was prepared.

ladydayblues Sat 13-Oct-12 12:30:55

I was utterly delighted to have find a condom in my sons wallet at the same age! It meant he was being responsible. My OH gave him the talk about age of consent and whenever his girlfriend was over the bedroom door had to be left open all the time. (My sister was worse they were never allowed to go upstairs together!) She didnt last long and he never had a another GF until Uni.

Replace the condom with a new one. Talk to him alone and catch the GF on her own - maybe ask her to help you make tea or something, then tell her gently not to allow herself to be carried away as its simply illegal. She will be utterly embarrased but it will have been heard. Dont talk to her mother unles shes your bbf.

Oldandcobwebby Sat 13-Oct-12 12:34:19

Condoms at 15 are for
Sex or
bravado with his mates or
Practise/experimentation or
A posh wank

BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 12:34:23

Thanks for the advice - keep it coming please smile

WitchesWreakinHavoc Sat 13-Oct-12 12:35:17

I do not understand why you would talk to the gf or her parents.
Why not just ask your ds?

Why is everyone going through their sons wallets? confused

My son was given one in his PSHE lesson. He keeps it in his wallet. It could be as simple as that.

BeckAndCall Sat 13-Oct-12 12:38:10

I found a condom in my DS's blazer pocket at the same age - I was about to wash it.

I asked him where it came from - in a surprised way - and he said 'oh, we had a sex education talk and we all got one'

So tht may be the answer here - or he's being responsible and planning 2 years ahead - his GF is too young, in my opinion, so I would be having that chat

BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 12:44:20

I wasnt going through his wallet - I found his wallet in his pocket after his trousers had gone through the wash so was checking nothing vital had been ruined!

It was his school trousers so could be 'school issue' I suppose.

I am asking about telling her parents because I feel that if they are having sex they have a right to know. I have a 13 year old DD and I would want to know.

ladydayblues Sat 13-Oct-12 13:00:32

Yeah my girls were given them in PSHE so if you find one in your 13 DD bag too, it may be similiar issue, not neccesary to panic.

MamaBear17 Sat 13-Oct-12 13:02:21

You have to handle this carefully because you want him to come to you in the future about this stuff. I would advise trying to remain non judgemental, open and up beat. Explain what happened with the wallet and tell him that you saw the condom. Start by saying something like 'I will be honest, part of me was relieved to see that you are sensible enough to take precautions but the other part of me feels the need to ask you if you are having sex?'. If he says no, tell him you are glad because his gf is still very young and then leave it at that. If he says yes, keep calm and talk to him about your concerns.

I don't know what I would do with regards to telling gf's parents if they are having sex though. Part of me agrees with you; if it were my daughter I would want to know. However, part of me would want to keep my sons trust. I think if they are having sex then an idea would be to talk to them together and encourage her to tell her mum.

shineonucrazydiamond Sat 13-Oct-12 13:05:54

I have a 14 year old daughter and yes, I would very much welcome a call from you! Please call her mum and tell her. I wouldn't want to know so I could bollock her [ although I would not be impressed ] but because, at 14, I strongly believe it is a parent's job to be aware of this stuff.

I have a quick look through my DD's FB account from time and time and the very odd look through her phone messages. I often read on here about parents aghast that their child's privacy is being invaded and then I read polar opposite threads in which a mother has discovered her 13 year old is chatting with a man in his 40s on the net and the first question is always ' how could you have not known? '

shineonucrazydiamond Sat 13-Oct-12 13:07:02

witches - so, if you had a 14 year old daughter you would not want to know that she was having sex?

SirBoobAlot Sat 13-Oct-12 13:11:54

I think ask him if its from school first, before you have a really in depth conversation with him, the girl or her family. I remember in our PSHE class being given a "selection" of condoms. Most of which were floating around the hall as balloons within a few hours, admittedly...

lisad123 Sat 13-Oct-12 13:16:58

I would talk to him. I only have girls but if I found out they were having sex at 14 I would be fawinkr from impressed. She is too young and he risks action from police if her parents complain.

SackGirl Sat 13-Oct-12 13:19:52

I don't see why it would be a problem speaking to the girls parents if they have been in a relationship for a little while, even so they know that you are concerned parents aswell... Although do you know if they are the type of parents that would appreciate this or not? As maybe it would cause more hassle?

ladydayblues Sat 13-Oct-12 13:25:09

Abolutely, there is that, the GF parents may complain to police, even though it takes two to tango. Talk to you son first. I hv 3 DS I never had to say dont as my OH, one of 7 brothers, never stopped telling them what boys want! smile

MrsHoarder Sat 13-Oct-12 13:32:03

There is also the risk that you just discourage him from carrying condoms because they less to getting caught. Maybe another chatter about respect and age of consent, but be relieved that at least there shouldn't be a baby any time soon.

WofflingOn Sat 13-Oct-12 13:34:51

He does need to realise the unacceptability of having sex with a 14 year old. There really is no grounds for him doing that, even if she is a completely willing and eager partner. He needs to say no, or there is a whole lot of potential shit to hit the fan.

Lots of good advice here. I think that if, once you have talked him, you think that they are having sex then you should strongly encourage them to tell GF parents. They may hold you responsible for knowingly allowing under age sex to go on. I would avoid speaking to them myself except as a last resort, much better their DD confides in her parents.

<goes off to peep in DS's wallet>

BarbaraMillicentRoberts Sat 13-Oct-12 15:11:40

Thanks all.

I would like to point out that they are both breaking the law.
My son is also under the age of consent.

ladydayblues Sat 13-Oct-12 15:40:07

If they are having sex...do give them the benefit of doubt

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now