Yesterday my 12yr old went to visit her school friends, it's a 40 min bus journey to the village but it's a journey she does daily for school, the buses are very regular and the arrangement is that I know who she is going to meet and that they meet her off the bus. She is also supposed to have them wait at the bus stop when she goes home. I know most of the parents, theyre good people, we all look out for each others kids and let each other know if there's anything we're worried about.
Basically dd lied, she didn't meet anyone off the bus, she walked around to find her friends, she lied to me about who she was with and then when she was due to come home she gave us a story about buses not turning up and said she wanted to go to a party. We said no, get on the bus, her phone was then switched off.
We had three hours not knowing where she was, who she was with. I called round the friends she was supposed to be with and they said they had left her at the bus stop hours ago. With two boys, w got one boys number and rang him, he did not sound 12! He said he had left her off at the bus stop ten mins previously..... One of the mums droveround the village looking for her whilst we drove the bus route. Finally found her walking home, full of attitude and lying about where she had been.
I have found out that she was with two boys most of the day and notwith the group of friends she said, we nt through her phone, lots of messages from one boy asking her to grab his cock etc etc.
I don't generally have an issue with her having a boyfriend, I accept that she will and I can't put her in a nunnery! However, I am really concerned that this one guy sounds a lot older than 12 and is being incredibly explicit.
Have spoken to some of the parents who don't really know much about this boy other than he does go tithe same school as all of them.
So, in light of the lying, attitude and the concerns I have about this boy do you think the following will work/ have an effect?
No getting the bus to see her friends for the rest of the holidays. She can have the odd sleepover here but that's it. (I don't want to cut her off completely as I think it will do more harm than good?)
No phone for a week. I have explained that she has let herself down with the language she has been using and I've spoken to her about the messages from this guy and about being safe etc.
She has to ring and apologise to the mum who was out looking for her with us. The poor woman was in bits and I think it's the least dd can do quite frankly.
I haven't shouted at her, its pointless and we do normally have a really good relationship. She is usually really open and talking about relationships, sex and what's safe/appropriate isn't an issue. She's normally pretty sensible but yesterday frightened me, for the first time I got a proper glimpse of how she can behave when she thinks I can't see her/hear her and it really worried me.
I don't want her to put herself at risk and I do feel that yesterday she did exactly that. I know this guy is still school age but he sounds/appears really predatory. His messages were very much about coercion, he was trying very hard to get her to talk dirty and it looks like he was trying to move it onto something physical. Bearing in mind he was messaging her whilst he was sat with her and his friend in a large park in a quiet village I actually feel a bit sick at the thought of what could have gone on.
I'm Not suggesting he is a potential rapist, I do remember how teen boys can be and they don't always understand boundaries in terms of expressing that they want to move on to pysical stuff but there is definitely something about his messages that is making me want to stop all contact.
Anyway, I've rambled enough, any advice would be gratefully received.
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Help with sanctions/dealing with this
9 replies
miniwedge · 11/08/2012 08:32
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Maryz ·
11/08/2012 12:45
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2fedup ·
11/08/2012 16:54
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