son arrested

[worriedmum28]

My ds is turning 18 in a few weeks. As both myself and my ex know teenagers drink and will do behind our backs if you say no, we decided to allow our son to go out with mates, drink sensibly, always let us know where he is going, keep his phone on, walk away from trouble etc etc.
Last weekend he went to a 18th birthday party in our town centre and when he came out some lads started fighting with his mate. He tried to help get his mate away, was not physical with anyone and when the police came they asked him to step back three times and eventually he was arrested for being drunk and disorderly. Obviously we are mortified, he's realised he's been stupid and has accepted a £80 fine rather than going to court and now he has been fingerprinted.
This has been quite upsetting but what I can't understand is that when he was put in the police van he asked could someone be informed of his whereabouts and was told it'd be sorted at police station. He was taken into custody at 3am, where he asked several times could his dad be informed so that he wouldn't be worried where he was, his phone was taken and he was informed that it was being switched off, he asked again about his dad being informed. At 0530 he was was woken for a medical due to him being drunk and he asked the medical person (twice) had anyone spoken to his dad and was told they didn't know.
Ds was allowed a phone call at 0859 to tell his dad to come and pick him up, first he knew about where he was, thought he'd gone and stayed at his mates. Had he been coming home to mine I would have been sat up all night frantic. When I spoke to the police they said his rights were denied due to intoxication?? No mention of of this in PACE policy, only everyone has a right to have someone informed of their whereabouts, even if they're not allowed a phone call themselves.
Just wanted to know how other mums would feel about this??

[buggyRunner]

To be honest I would be more concerned with your sin being arrested (for d&d) rather than kick off about this.
He could have been so drink they couldn't understand him/ he may be lying and trying to deflect attention.

[buggyRunner]

Ps im my experience it is VERY hard to get someone arrested for d&d. Its not something the police like doing if it can be resolved in another way.

[Redglow]

Yes buggy runner but that was not what she was asking. I would have been worried sick if this had been my son I thought they would have to inform you especially as he is still only seventeen.

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

aged 17..no parents don't have to be informed or involved.. I know it's an odd cut off but as far as being in police custody is concerned that's how it is. (I know because my son was arrested at 16 [for something he hadn't done!] and they told me had he been 17 I would not have been informed.

It does sound like he must have been an aggressive drunk.. the police are usually fairly kind to young drinkers and will 'blue light taxi' them rather than arrest them, so either he isn't QUITE giving you the full picture or he appeared more dangerous than he actually was.

Hopefully he has learned his lesson!!

[worriedmum28]

As I said buggy runner I am mortified and upset about my son being arrested and he is not going out now as he has broken our trust, but as redglow has pointed out, that's not the issue. Did you never have a drink under the age of 18?
If my son wanted to lie, he need never have told us about the fact he was arrested. Apparently under the age of 17, parents HAVE to be informed but at 17 he is classed as a 'young person under the age of 18', not a juvenile . Lets say he was 18, 19, 21 for that matter, would you not want to know that he was safe and well? if he had been admitted to A&E and asked for his parents to be informed they would have done so and if he was so drunk he couldn't speak, someone would have gone thru his mobile phone and looked under 'Mum' or 'Dad'. If he had been that intoxicated, he would have not been able to pinpoint times, which clearly he was able to as they matched the times described by the police.
Incidentally, no-one else was arrested for fighting and my DS received A*'s in his GCSE's, was born to 2 professional parents, has never been in trouble before and not brought up by a couple of parents who don't give a shit!!

[nolongeramug]

Something does not ring true.. At 17 and first time in custody he should have had an appropriate adult called for him.
That's the policy down here anyway.
If your son was very drunk, he is legally allowed to nominate a person to be informed of his arrest, but unfortunately if he was abusive or difficult or just drunk then it was probably best to wait a few hours to let him make the phone call, when he is able to dial the numbers or remember them correctly, nothing worse than waking up some random stranger

The OP is clearly mortified by her son's behaviour, which is the right attitude to have.

[worriedmum28]

I have actually contacted a solicitor to ask about this. She said that although he was drunk he still had the right for someone to know where he was. there should only be a delay if he has committed an indictable crime (something that would be tried in a high court) or if by telling someone it could alter things (like drug offences where evidence could be hidden). And according to the Human's Right Act, no person should be forced to remain incommunicable (ie not being able to be contacted or have some know where they are) in police custody, unless charged with an indictable crime.
And actually he is quite mortified himself and does not want to go out for a long time

[buggyRunner]

I am only suggesting that by making this an issue it may deflect from his actions.
Your sons academic achievements are good but does not serve as evidence of character in this event (i would also say if he has had this brilliant up bringing surely this makes his actions less understandable) but this is not the point.

I think you need to think about what you want to achieve from this. If it is ensuring your son has learnt his lesson. I personally wouldn't complain about the police as it may:
A) give him the idea that it was the police in the wrong and out of order when it was him who was wrong
B) take an already very limited resource out of policing our streets abs make them do a lot of paperwork etc
C) if he is lying then in his head he may have got out of it

I am not criticising your parenting- your choices are down to you but I think that all the focus of your anger/ worry is going to be misdirected.

[MaryMotherOfCheeses]

How would I feel about it?

Angry, mortified, upset.

What would I do about it? Nothing. For all the reasons buggy says. Your focus needs to be in making sure your son learns his lesson.

[Redglow]

Worried mum is not saying her son should have not been arrested. The police should have informed her even if it was my husband I think I should know. I would make a complaint.

[3littlefrogs]

I know how you feel.

My ds was seriously assaulted and robbed. He went to the police station to make a statement. His phone had been stolen and they wouldn't even let him use a phone to call me and let me know he was ok.

He was in the station for 5 hours, till midnight, and I was absolutely frantic.

He had just turned 18. He was the victim, and had done absolutely nothing wrong at all and had not been drinking.

[scurryfunge]

Why didn't he walk away then little frogs, if he wasn't being detained?

[Redglow]

How wrong they could not let him use the phone. I reported something once and the thing is you really don't know how long it will take and the police won't say we can't take your statement for two hours they keep you hanging on.

[3littlefrogs]

He wanted the police to catch the assailants. They were still out there with weapons and his friend held hostage.

[3littlefrogs]

That was to scurryfunge BTW.

[scurryfunge]

Ok, perhaps they didn't want collusion with other witnesses which would make sense.

[3littlefrogs]

Exactly redglow.

DS was desperately worried about his friend, the police didn't really take it seriously at all.

[GoranisGod]

What the fuck has the fact your pfb has all A* got to do with the fact he got arrested? Nowt-you are just looking to try and blame the police as you dont want to accept your precious son behaved like a twat.Get over it....

[3littlefrogs]

Anyway. Sorry for hijacking thread. My situation was completely different. It just stuck a chord and brought back horrible memories.

[youarewinning]

From what I know your DS must have been continuing the fight and not backing off to be arrested. Despite this I do agree he should have been given the oppotunity for next of kin to be informed of his arrest. In fact I'd say that about anyone who lives with their next of kin - spouse/ partner/ parent etc.

I actually agree with buggy though - her argument has persuaded me.

I think you could persue the case from your point of view as an uninformed next of kin but not allow your DS to feel hard done by by not being given a phonecall. EG don't let him know your making a complaint.

[youarewinning]

3littlefrogs on behalf of your DS and yourself. I hope he's OK now.

[PatricPackard]

I would write a nice polite letter to your force and then leave it.
The arrest may well be down to something your lad said, which he may not be able to remember but may just be too ashamed to repeat - when ive seen folk taken in on d&d they have generally used rude/aggressive language to the officers trying to move them on.

I would be mortified too but I think you are making way too much of this in an attempt to mitigate the whole sorry saga. Give your ds a hug and agree to put it behind you all. If its any help my bf when I was 15/16 got arrested for d&d several times to the despair of his dad. He is now an accountant with a wife and kids and a pillar of the community! 17yo boys can be very very silly.

[3littlefrogs]

He is thank you. He was incredibly brave. No thanks to the police and the CPS though who were astonishingly imcompetent.

They could have arrested the whole gang, but only managed to get one of them. He got 5 years, but the others got off scott free.

[QuanticoVirginia]

I take it you are going with your son's version of events???

If your son was arrested for being 'drunk and disorderly' he must have been pretty bad as the Police don't like to clutter up their cells with drunken idiots. It is also likely that when he arrived at the Police Station that he was too drunk for the Police to go through his rights with him (and that is not the same as being 'denied his rights'). It is perfectly legal in PACE to not go though someone's rights if they are incapable of understanding either though drink, drugs or demeanour. The rights need to be given as soon as practicable once the person is able to understand. Your son was released with a fixed penalty after he'd sobered up and his his father informed. As that occurred over a five hour period through which your husband remained unconcerned and then your son contacted him at a reasonable hour when there was something he could do.


You have no idea what your son said to the Police because you weren't there and it is likely you are now getting the sweetened version from your son now. The person you should be angry with is your son.

[worriedmum28]

Thank you for all comments, positive and negative. I am not trying to blame the police in any way for his arrest, I certainly would not like to do their job.
I think I have just been quite distressed about the idea that no one knew where he was for 6 and a half hours, his friends didn't realise where he had gone and there was no chance of getting in touch with him.
I work in a hospital, was working night shift when it happened and have thought that had he been admitted to A&E that unless they looked through his phone there would have been no chance of us finding out. I am his next of kin and my mobile no is not on the computer system, that has now been resolved.
guess I'm going to have to get used to the fact that he is soon to be an adult, we can't be with them 24hrs a day and resolve their problems, and he is responsible for his own actions.
Being a parent is hard work, despite bringing them up as best you can there are times when things are out of your control. We think the process of labour is painful enough, well that's the easy bit lol