My teenage daughter is turning into a bitch. Help me survive

(90 Posts)
LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 17:05:00

She told me to butt out of her life this afternoon. I had collected her from a friends house and told her I saw her boy/friend this afternoon and said hello to him (she was at a friends). That was clearly the wrong thing for me to have done. I said that as he had been in our house and had his tongue down her throat I was quite within my rights as a human being and her mother to say hello to him. She responded by telling me I have no right to say hello and shouting that I should butt out of her life. I was shocked, angry, hurt. I can barely speak to her. I hate this teen stuff. She is fucking horrible sometimes. Also she has started speaking badly and it really really grates on me. She doesn't realise she is doing it - she says. I could quite happily tell her to fuck off. I didn;t think she would be like this. She's selfish, rude and talks to me like I am a useless, stupid lump of shit.

noddyholder Wed 01-Aug-12 17:06:28

how old`/

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 17:06:56

124

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 17:07:08

aaagh!!! No!!! 14 grin

How old is she?

Sorry xpost.

I have a 14 year old dd as well.

So I have zero helpful advice but much sympathy. But I refuse to be a taxi for teenagers who cannot keep speak in a civilized manner (I have a 13 year old DS as well) They have to take the bus.

We had a meltdown last week as I expect them to do jobs around the house whilst I am at work, apparently I am ruining her life.

Do I care? Not even a little bit grin

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 17:14:55

TantrumsAndOlympics.... - i want to take your approach! I am too soft. She is a lazy, spoilt little brat ( or she is coming across that way).

Well as far as I am concerned, they have oyster cards, bikes and 2 feet.

If they object to being asked to help out, or being asked a civil question or object to me even existing in DDs case they are very welcome to use one of those methods to get where they need to go.

However I will not be funding these days out either.

noddyholder Wed 01-Aug-12 17:19:21

My ds was like this for 3 years grin sorry!Nearly finished me off tbh Although no tongues down throats not at home anyway!

mirry2 Wed 01-Aug-12 17:20:32

Oh I remember it well grin

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 17:43:39

urgh! It is absolutely dreadful rasing a teen. I can't wait till it's over! sad

TheOneWithTheGoldMedals Wed 01-Aug-12 17:52:10

I have an ungrateful spoilt brat too. He's 16 and sounds like he's at the same stage as your dd.

On the rare occasion he's being reasonable I really enjoy his company so I cling to that when he's being awful. I also have posted on here when he's done something to be proud of as it makes me more aware that he's a decent person underneath.

You are just going to have to see it through and live in hope that your lovely young lady reappears soon. smile

awbless Wed 01-Aug-12 19:33:54

lovelymuffins if she is "lazy and spolit" then what do expect?

If you have spoilt her and continue to run her around, buy her clothes and pay for everything and allow her to talk to you like that - well you get what you deserve.

My DC's would never dream of speaking like that to me or any other adult because 'privelidges' would've been withdrawn immediately. And I wouldn't have been blackmailed.

mirry2 Wed 01-Aug-12 20:31:16

awbless how old are your dcs? Lucky you if you've never experienced it but don't blame it all on the parents. imo most teenagers go through this stage at some time or another but others don't gwet to the stage until early 20s so no need to be so smug. It's part of growing up and asserting independence.

cybbo Wed 01-Aug-12 20:35:07

Yes teenagers are like toddlers with vile manners

I will not tolerate rudeness and am very happy to always have the last word. Then I will remind my d when she wants something of how rude she has been

It's worth talking to her when she has calmed down and pointing out how her behaviour comes across

Also buy 'get out of my life...but first take me and Alex into town ' a fab survival guide

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 21:32:06

awbless, She is not lazy ordinarily. She is not spoilt either. Her pocket money was stopped in April becuase of rudeness and now she has to earn every penny of her money back. She has had two months where she has had nothing at all. She has become this way in the past year. She has never spoken to me like this before this year and she always gets the very sharp end of my tongue when she does. I do not run her around unless it is somewhere necessary as was today. She is made to get the bus or train or have people here instead and get the bare minimum for fares or a drink when she is out. You have jumped to rather a lot of conclusions there.
Icybbo and

The only thing that u can do is to make sure that she is getting enough sleep. TV, phone, ipod or anything else with internet connection get out of her room. its amazing how many teens are rude and short tempered when they are tired.

noddyholder Wed 01-Aug-12 21:48:35

Saying no and meaning it/sticking to it really works and gives you the fuel to say 'Remember what happened last time you did x y z?' They do grow up but its a slow process and they slip back now and then

fraggle500 Wed 01-Aug-12 21:49:05

I don't really think it matters how much/little ,time/money/lifts etc you give a teen, most are programmed to be rude, spoilt and selfish. grin this speaking as a 43 year old who is very responsible , polite etc but can soon revert to my 15 year old "nightmare" self when in the company of my parents for too long. winksad

ExitPursuedByABronzeBear Wed 01-Aug-12 21:53:27

DH and I are not speaking to each other and I am sat on MN following a row over our DD (12) and her Blackberry.

Tis pants. She has no respect for us and it really upsets DH. We are old(er) parents and so not in touch with stuff, but she really seems to not give a damn - and all we are asking is that she respects the house.

I despair.

awbless Wed 01-Aug-12 21:54:40

24, 19 & 16. I'm not smug - worked hard to bring them up (XH feckless, unreliable), but I am their mother not their best friend.

We have never had an argument, we're not the Waltons, I'm pretty sure I've been the most unpopular person on their planet on occassions.

I work with 14 - 19 yo's so I do have experience and extensive knowledge of the damage that parents can do like " I don't understand it, we've given him/her everything".

I understand from the referals and requests that I get, that I am OK at helping teens.

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 21:55:04

sorry phone rang and I pressed post

Redglow Wed 01-Aug-12 21:55:21

Awbless don't be too smug it might be your child like that next month. They can change just like that. Wouldn't we all like perfect children? We didn't bring them up to be rude and selfish sometimes it just happens.

ExitPursuedByABronzeBear Wed 01-Aug-12 21:57:11

hmm DH did the old 'how much money I gave you last weekend' bit on her tonight, which is pointless in my opinion as money is meaningless to her.

LovelyMuffins Wed 01-Aug-12 21:58:26

Exitpursued - I am 47 so not a young parent by any means. It is hard. A lot harder than Ithough it would be. yes the lack of respect is horrid. She has just come in and given me a hug. I found it very hard to hug back and told her that as she wanted me to butt out of her life I don;t feel inclined to hug her. That was probaly wrong but I don;t care right now tbh

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