Overweight son - should I nag?

[Parttimeslave]

My ds2 (17) is 6 ft and 15 stone. He has always been quite a "big lad", but is also pretty sporty, fit and super strong (would be great at rugby if he played!).

I wasn't sure exactly how much he weighed, but was a bit shocked to see (on height/weight charts) that's he's about 2 stone overweight. He does look like he needs to lose a few pounds - arse hangs out of his drop-downs etc!

He eats alot (especially cereal!), and eats way too quickly. I have spoken to him on quite a few occassions about "being careful" and try not to keep naughty food at home and don't load his plate full of food for his dinner. However, he earns his own money and can eat what he wants when I'm not around. He also drinks quite a lot of beer on the weekends (about 4/5 bottles I think) which is, of course, full of calories.

He is quite a stroppy/hormonal lad and I choose my battles with him carefully.

I'm not sure whether to nag again or just let him get on with it. He's nearly an adult now and can choose whether to be overweight. He plays footie with his mates alot during the week and he's joining the gym soon for the summer hols. I keep convincing myself that he's still growing and needs lots of calories so as not to cause arguments when I see him scoffing down another bowl of museli!

To nag or not to nag?

[flow4]

No.
It's the beer not the food that is the issue anyway.
And you know, in your heart of hearts, that nagging never ever works!

[sugarice]

He's playing football a lot and if he joins a gym his eating and drinking habits may well change anyway. As Flow says they don't listen to advice anyway unless it comes from a mate.

[SecretSquirrels]

If his own mother can't tell him he is overweight it's unlikely anyone else will. Perhaps you have been too tactful?
Can you pick a time when he is relaxed and in a good mood and put it bluntly to him?
Ask if he feels happy about his appearance and explain that any tendency to put on weight at 17 will be multiplied many times by the time he is 25 or 35.... An active 17 year old can eat and drink for England and lifelong habits are set in.
To make any progress you'd have to get him to admit that he is a little overweight and if you can get that far he may be amenable to changing.
I don't think 4 or 5 bottles of beer a week is that excessive for a lad his age, far better to instill some better eating choices/ habits. When you serve up meals you can adjust the portions for him and keep less sugary cereal in the house.

For the record I have a 16 year old DS who is 6'2" and 11 stone and he can eat anything. His brother is 14 and it's very hard on him because he puts weight on easily. I had to have that difficult conversation with DS2 who admittedly is younger than your DS but the principle was the same. He was relieved to talk about it and admitted he was self concious about his weight. He has tried really hard, changed his eating habits and slimmed down. He looks on wistfully at his brother guzzling pop and eating chocolate though.

[Parttimeslave]

Thanks for your comments guys. SecretSquirrels I think you've pin-pointed exactly what needs to be done. My older ds is 6ft 3" and about 13.5 stone and never exercises - he can eat what he wants without putting on weight.

We have tried to tell him to watch what he eats over the last year or two (without wanting to give him a complex during those impressionable teenage years), but he thinks it's all muscle and denies he has a problem! I think he quite likes the way he looks!

He may be going off to uni next year and I can only see things getting worse, as the bad habits are ingrained now.

I've actually printed off the nhs height/weight chart to show him when the moment is right - he will probably ignore it, but at least I've planted the seed!

[SecretSquirrels]

It was fear of giving him a complex that made me shy away far too long from tackling the problem with DS2.

[flow4]

Well, it kind of depends what you/he mean by '4 or 5'... There are about 250 calories in a can of lager, so 1250 in 5. That's about an extra half-day's food, and almost certainly more than he could 'trim' by controlling portion sizes.

Young people don't seem to be very aware at all of the calorific content of booze. It's not unusual for students to drink 3-4 pints a night - consuming 4000-7000 calories per week in alcohol (depending on what they drink)... Or more if they are rugby-playing lads, where an 8-pints-a-night culture is quite common :( Meanwhile, they'll consume only around 14,000 calories in food - or less if they are 'dieting'. And of course all the alcohol is 'empty calories' - i.e. with no food value, no vitamins, no protein, etc...

So I still think bad drinking habits are much more of a problem than bad eating habits!

[SecretSquirrels]

Yes I have my doubts about those NHS charts from the other side of the coin. DS2 was frankly chubby all over with a sizeable spare tyre which he hid under baggy clothes. According to the charts he was not overweight.