Friend with a seriously dodgy/dangerous father

[flow4]

I might just need to off-load, but this is really worrying me...

My son (17) has been friends with another lad (16) for many years now. He lives locally, and he's an OK lad... He's got himself into a bit of trouble over the years, but no more than my own lad, I'd say. In fact, he's probably been more settled and well-behaved than mine over recent months. He lives with his aunty and her husband, and has done for most of his life, because his dad has been in prison for at least a decade (so something serious; rumour has it GBH :( ) but has been released recently. I've never heard anything at all about his mum.

Tonight (well, last night now) the boys arranged for this lad to sleep at our house. They were home as agreed at 10:30, and I fell asleep very shortly afterwards. Within a few minutes, I was woken by noises, first inside my house and then immediately outside. I leapt out of bed and thought (in my sleepy daze) first that the boys were trying to sneak out, and then that they were having a fight. But when I looked out the window into the street, I saw the lad being pushed about and hit by a man - his father, it turns out. He was shouting and aggressive and obviously off his head. I did some shouting of the "go away or I'll call the police" variety, and got the lad back inside my house, and made sure that my own son was inside...

The long and short of it is that, as I was wondering whether I should call the police, and just as I picked up my phone to call the lad's aunty, she called me, to tell me the police were on their way to my house... The lad's dad had already been up at her house, threatening :( He disappeared PDQ when he heard me giving my address over the phone.

The police arrived very quickly - much more quickly than is normal in our (semi-rural) area. They asked a few questions - not many - and told me to lock the doors and call 999 if the guy came back. They took the lad home.

It's now two hours later, and all is quiet, so I can probably relax and go to sleep.

But how worrying: a seriously dodgy/dangerous man may now come looking for his son at my house, and knows who my son is, and won't have liked me standing up to him and telling him to go away, and may think it was me who called the police :(

Part of me wants to move to another town/village immediately...

Part of me wants to 'ban' this lad and never let him near my house or my son again; but of course even if that were practical (it isn't), it would be desperately unfair to penalise him in any way for having a d*ckhead for a father...

And I just don't understand why this man has been allowed to step back into his son's life, after all this time, pushing him around and causing trouble.

I am so far outside my normal experience that I really don't know what to do... :(

[ToxicMoxie]

I suspect that you won't see as much of him as you worry. he knows you'll call the police without hesitation, and that isn't going to make him want to come around. If he's on parole he's going to try to avoid any run ins with police like the plague.

Also, once he is released, if not on parole, no one can keep him away from his son without some kind of legal order. Auntie needs to do that, get something that will allow the police to arrest him if he comes too close. If you call her, let her know that you (if you are willing) would offer to tell the judge what you witnessed him doing to the lad, that would surely help the judge decide to order him away from the family.

[Margerykemp]

He's over 16 so prr isn't relevant here.

[fireice]

It sounds like the police knew in advance what they were dealing with. They have most likely explained very clearly to the dad what will happen if there are any further problems.

[flow4]

What's prr, Margery? I think so too, fire, but that worries me more: anyone who gets the police tocome so quickly and act as a taxi service must be a really nasty piece of work.
Hope you're right, Toxic....

[Margerykemp]

Parental rights and responsibilities

[flow4]

Ah. He doesn't have them anyway.