Why is 13 year old DS so droopy

[GnomeDePlume]

I?m not sure where I am going with this so I?ll start in the middle.

Why is DS(13) so droopy? I don?t just mean physically but mentally as well. It is as if he isn?t switched on. It feels as though he has to be constantly reminded to do everything: wash, dress, go to school. I swear the only reason he comes home from school is that they push him out of the door.

DS goes to cadets so that is a good thing. The only thing he does without prompting is iron his kit. Everything else needs constant reminders.

Is this normal for 13 year old boys? I worry that I will still be shouting up the stairs to get him going in the morning when he is 45. Is this the scourge of xbox that you can conquer the world with a few twitches of your thumbs so why bother getting dressed?

I know that we have a lot to be thankful for. DS is good and kind and thoughtful when he gets going but he just doesn?t seem to get going.

Any road up, thank you for reading if you got this far.

[ImperialBlether]

Stuff him full of Omega3 tablets and you might see a change.

It sounds to me as though he's going to bed far too late. Does he take a laptop to bed?

[allthingspass]

I know exactly what you mean, Gnome, my 14 year old DS sounds just like yours. The only thing he shows any passion for in life is his xbox, I find it so frustrating!! I really believe that if I didn't push him he would just sit all day staring into space.

He does quite a few activities - scouts, karate, climbing, D of E, but he needs pushing to actually go to any of them. His response to any suggestion/request is to groan 'Effort!!!', and if i'm lucky and persistent he may eventyually get off his backside and do what I've asked.

I really hope this is just a phase they go through, and eventually he will realise that he needs to motivate himself to do things, otherwise he is destined for a slow and boring life!!

Like your DS, mine is delightful in many other ways - funny, intelligent, polite, kind - but soooo Lazy!!! Maybe we should just be grateful that this is the worst we have to complain about.

[BuckBuckMcFate]

Droopy is an excellent description of 13 year old boys ime

DS1 is 15 now and thankfully is now mostly non droopy. This only coincided with his interest in girls outweighing his interest in xbox, warhammer etc.

He now voluntarily washes, cleans his teeth without prompting, irons his clothes, styles his hair, cares about his appearance.

He is also a lot more helpful around the house in the hope of earning some extra money for train fare to go and see girls.

He has also finally cottoned onto the fact that he will not have clean clothes if they are left lying on his bedroom floor. He will not get his pocket money on a Saturday morning if his room is a tip. That we will keep checking his homework diary,and compare it to friends or contact the school if there is a sudden drop in homework.

I recently started a thread saying just how much I'm enjoying spending time with him. Two years ago I would've been starting a thread like this.

So it does get better. Eventually

[GnomeDePlume]

He doesnt take his laptop to bed (that would be too much effort!). I am feeling guilty today because I had a right go at him this morning and he ended up upset. We finished with a hug but I feel bad.

I just dont know what to do with him. Have tried vitamins but that just adds to the list of things I have to remind him about.

I am glad that mine isnt the only droopy one!

[Sparklingbrook]

Yes I have a droopy nearly 13 year old DS. This week he told me at 7pm on Tuesday night he needed to make chocolate lollipops for school the next day.

The lost property at school is presumably bulging with all his 'lost' stuff.

Sometimes I jokingly say to him 'don't forget to breathe in and out'.

[nagynolonger]

Yes droopy is a brilliant word to discribe a 13 yearold male.

They need lots of sleep even if they don't think they do.

I find headphones make them more droopy.

My youngest is 15 now and getting better but his 16 and 18 year old brothers would still say he was droopy when they were being kind!

[GnomeDePlume]

In so many ways he is still just a little boy (just one who happens to be learning to disassemble and reassemble an SA80). He isnt yet into girls and music. When I hear him on xbox live I can hear lots of little boy voices shouting away with his basso profundo underneath.

I want him to be happy but I want him to try a bit harder. Allthingspass is so right about the looonnnng slooooowwwww life ahead of him.

It doesnt help that his two sisters are active, joiners and over-achievers. It just makes him seem even slower and droopier by comparison.

[BuckBuckMcFate]

I remember DS1 looking truly bewildered at my impatience with him. He did seem to spend about 2 years in a permanent foggy daze.

Don't feel too bad for shouting, they are very frustrating creatures to deal with.

I have younger dc too and I would rather deal with a stroppy irrational toddler than a teenage boy any day.

[webwiz]

Don't give up on him yet - DS seemed to be unable to cope with anything other than going to school at 13 but two years later he's Mr Dynamic! It must be the effort of all that growing they do.

[awbless]

Gnome I used to get "CBA Ma, CBA" (Can't be Arsed - for those uninitiated in teenage boy speak).

A slow change in DS, (now 18) managing to go to Uni - stays at home though, anything else would be far too much effort! Lounges around, playing guitar, laptop, xbox, sky+ in room. LIFE OF RILEY.

However, he is a kind, thoughtful, funny, articulate (when he can be bothered), delight. Social skills.... er when he can be bothered.

Your DS sounds perfectly normal to me - you just have to keep er.... encouraging!

P.S He has just been away for a week on a field trip (trauma beforehand). I have just seen his facebook status "Indian takeaway, laptop and Sky+ - so good to be home". Says it all!

[kindleholicsannonymous]

Thank god! I thought my DS (STB 15) had finally become horizontal. He's always been really laid back but these past couple of years have pushed me into seriously contemplating investing in a cattle prod He's a complete dote with DD(5) and is well loved by all the kids in the square (all in primary school) who treat him as a big brother, but has few friends of his own age. He compartmentalises a lot so school mates rarely cross paths with friends he's had since primary school. We joke that if we were to place him in a vendiagram there would be no overlap.

Most of the friends that he has made at school are 16-18 and his teachers feel that he is so much more mentally/emotionally mature that he finds it difficult to mingle with his age group. He's definitely a pleasure to spend time with and it is possible to have quite serious conversations with him although his sarcastisc dry wit won't win him any prizes in diplomacy . Now all I have to do is remember all the good things about him when I'm gripped by the urge to use the cattle prod shout because he's stuck between slow and stop dwaddling

[GnomeDePlume]

aaaaaarrrrrrggghhhh

Kindle can I have your cattle prod please?

After last week we had firm words about volunteering a bit at all, putting himself out etc. Over the weekend:

'have you done your homework?'
'yes mum'
'all of it?'
'yes mum'
'well done!'

9.45 last night when he is supposed to be going to bed in he ambles. 'The computer wont print'. Turns out he needed to print out homework which he needed for today, printer is out of toner.

Cue mad ranting from me and tears from him.

I dont want to make him cry, I want him to take some responsibility not stand around droopily like a pair of wet curtains.

Thankfully DD1 (who is a far better person than me) steps into the breach, organises DS. Promises to do his printing for him first thing at school using up her valuable printing credit.

[awbless]

Mmm.....sorting it out for him eh? No lesson there then.

He hasn't done it, despite being asked in good time? His fault - he faces the consequencesand he just 'might' think about it next time.

Instead its all sorted by everyone else and he lives to amble into another day.

[GnomeDePlume]

I know awbless, the problem is that he just isnt that bothered right now. The consequences dont mean anything to him yet. He's at the stage at school where the real consequences are long-term. At the moment it just feels like damage limitation.

[awbless]

Something troubled him enough to cry Gnome, so there is something to work with. He was bothered because you were yelling (result) or bothered because he would get grief at school (again result).

Don't despair - there is 'something' in there - it's just buried deep in Teenage Boydom! It will slowly emerge (v e r y s l o w l y ) :)

[LynetteScavo]

"'have you done your homework?'
'yes mum'
'all of it?'
'yes mum'
'well done!'

9.45 last night when he is supposed to be going to bed in he ambles. 'The computer wont print'. Turns out he needed to print out homework which he needed for today, printer is out of toner."

Oh, yes. I sooooo recognise this. I would probably get him to email it to a close friend, get them to print it out, deliver it to DS, who would then text me from the bus stop the next morning, asking me to bring it down to him, as he'd forgotten it.

This is on a good day. Usually he just doesn't care.