It's official - I'm a rotten mum!

[Bluetitsarecold]

I'm just so sick of having to deal with my drama queen #2 daughter. For years it feels like the family has revolved to her needs, her wants, and her "issues". And I'm sick and tired and weary to the bone of the whole situation. Don't have favourites, they tell you that again and again. But I do, #1, 3rd year at university, takes up about 1% of the mental energy of #2. When #1 phones I'm pleased and I LIKE to hear her news. When #2 phones. 1st year at a different uni, I sit there just waiting for the latest crisis. Nothing is ever simple, straightforward or according to what was agreed before. She thinks that her dad and I have nothing better to do with our lives than sort out her mess. Sometimes I just want to scream down the phone at her to shut up and go away. Sort out your own problems.

[IdontknowwhyIcare]

Couldnt let this go. You are not a rotten mum, some people and I guess DD2 is one of them are just needy. If she didnt call you with these dramas would she still call? Is it her way of keeping in contact? Would she find it difficult just to call and chat?
Sorry no answers but you are not a bad mum.

[cybbo]

You can listen to her, but you dont have to sort out her mess

Perhaps if you held back and didnt feel compelled to sort her out she would have to do it herself and stop relying on you so much

Toughen up, and stop 'catching her ball'

[awbless]

She must be 18? She's an adult, stop taking her on, don't have to be rude about it, say "oh yes what a shame/ yes that must be difficult for you - what are you going to do?" etc. Change the subject.

If you're sorting out her 'messes' now, you'll be doing it forever, she needs to take responsibility, face the consequences of her own actions. Frankly - you aren't doing her any favours - you are just enabling her to continue with this unreasonable behavior.

[Bluetitsarecold]

What worries me the most is that one day #2 might really need help about an important issue and I will not notice becuase it will have been drowned out by the unending stream of trivia that she shares with me, and DH, of course.

[Bluetitsarecold]

I just thought that I would let readers know that I used the tactic suggested by awbless and it had made things very much better.

[gingeroots]

Good news OP - thanks for update !

[awbless]

bluetits :) Sometimes we are so deep into ingrained behavior it just takes someone on the outside to point it out.

Glad to help xx