Do we throw him out?

[lulu6867]

My DS is 19 and a half and has no job very rarely goes to college and smokes weed and cigarettes, although where he gets the money for these I don't know. My DH and I are absolutely sick of his rude behavoir and his lack of respect. He sleeps all day and is awake all night. He invites people to stay over without asking and contributes NOTHING to our household, either financially, emotionally or physically. The thing is we have said when he leaves college in May he has to start paying board or he is out, are we doing the right thing, or will it just make him fall even further into the gutter where he seems to spend most of his time. We have a DD who is 17 and in full time work paying her way and helping out in other ways, so we have insured my car for her to drive to work, that has caused a bit of a problem as I have recently stopped paying my son's motorbike insurance as he has not done anything about getting work either PT or FT He seems to think she is the favourite and we all hate him.we give him no money at all yet he still goes out at the weekend, who is paying for this? I came home the other day and he was in the shower, he didn't know I was there and he was crying saying he feels so unwanted and everyone hates him, but he does have this attitude about him and I don't blame his peers for hating him, he acts like a troubled 15 year old, you know how they are when they are that age, but he is nearly 20 and this worries me especially if we throw him out in June, will he go the wrong way or will he grow up very quickly.

[beentheredonethat2]

Hi,It sounds like you are going through a terrible time.Remember that it's not your parenting why he is like this,it is his choice to act the way he does.Sounds like he is not happy with his own behaviour but doesn't know how to change.It is an impossible question to answer whether you should kick him out.I guess it depends on the child?One of my kids would have survived but the other would have fallen to pieces if kicked out.It depends really on you.How are you coping with the stress with him in the house?Would you cope with him on the streets,not knowing where he is or what he's doing?Tough love is very hard to do(especially on the parents)and you have to be 100./. Committed for it to work or you can cause more damage.If you are strong enough then go for it,after all you and dh come first now as he's not a child.Is there any way you can break the cycle he is in for him?.Have you got relatives that live away from you he can stay with and re invent himself?or perhaps a job abroad/army or on cruise ships maybe.It sounds like he has low self esteem and could do with doing something he would be proud of.I would be tempted to get all info of jobs away and shove it under his nose.I would then nag and bribe him to apply in the hope that something might click in his head.Once he is away he can then be who he wants to be and leave all his bad ways behind.

[lulu6867]

Thanks beenthere, you always seem so level headed, hopefully there is light at the end of the tunnel for us. I think he would fall apart on the streets, he fell apart today when he saw he had swede and carrots on his dinner plate!!