16yr old ds packed his bag and left.

[triplethefun]

Dh removed the kids xbox 5 days ago (lack of respect & cheek from ds1 & 2, lack of commitment to exams ds1). For the past 4 days everything has been fine but today ds1 has really suffered from withdrawal symptoms. He's spent the day moping or curled up in front of where the xbox was. This evening he's kicked off demanding it's return, arguing with his dad then packing a bag and leaving. I'm hoping he'll be back soon when he's calmed down and realises it's pretty cold outside tonight. How do we resolve this though? I think they should get the xbox back with a few conditions - respectful behaviour, a timetabled revision plan thats adhered to, and an agreed limit of time played. Dh however does not want to give it back - ever. Any ideas on a compromise? What would you do?

[spendthrift]

I read ages ago of a family contract. It was an agreement, and hammered out between all parties and written down. It was not just unilaterally imposed by the parents as it would not have been adhered to.

Could you try something like that? To cover not just the x box but household chores, allowances etc?

Let me know if you do and it works as suspect we are heading down that route...

[LeBOF]

I think I'd be more concerned about where he is spending the night, and see the Xbox as very much a secondary issue, I think.

[FashionEaster]

I'm with your dh!
However, in the spirit of compromise, I'd offer the Xbox back on a limited basis on the agreement of a)study and chores first and b) no cheek. Otherwise is vanishes for a week at a time.

[FashionEaster]

But a family contract is the nicer, cuddlier way forward. I just hate Xboxes.

[triplethefun]

At the moment I'm hoping he'll come back and spend the night at home in his own bed. He's only been out the house a little over an hour so I'm not panicking yet, we live in quite a rural area and there are very few places he can go. Spendthrift, I think a contract is a good idea, I'll have a think about the main gripe points and see what we can agree to.

[silver73]

So sorry to hear about this. We have a lot of problems here with xbox mania here too. We take away the controllers if there is really bad behaviour and I can totally see why parents may take away the xbox for good.

I hope your son comes back home in the next few minutes.

x

[spendthrift]

One of the points about the family contract is that the dcs can ask for things too.

Eg, our Ds, an only, asked during one family discussion that only one parent tell him off at one time. Two against one was over whelming.

You're more likely to get agreement if they can bring gripes and gains too

[spendthrift]

Sorry, misread your post. Sounds as if you know their gripes but ask them. The main ones may not be what you expect.

[ratherordinary]

If his friends are all on X box, he's going to be extremely isolated without it.

And revising is horrid, you need some pleasure after doing it. Those are my thoughts. Family meetings are good to go with contracts.

[ChippingInNeedsCoffee]

Any sign of him yet?

Do you have any barns etc he could be in?

Have you text him to say 'Come home Son, it's nothing that can't be sorted another day. Love you, Mum x'

[spendthrift]

Yup, hope he comes back soon.

[Dustinthewind]

How long were they supposed to be losing the Xbox for?
If he's doing GCSEs the pressure is huge at the moment, his stress levels and thus his triggers for being argumentative and stubborn will be set at maximum.
Your attitude sounds much more practical than your DH, he's leaving the boy with nowhere to go but head-on confrontation or roll-over compliance.
I hope he comes home, you let him sleep and then work things out in the morning.
Is he likely to be at a friend's house?

[Dustinthewind]

So what happened OP?
Did he come home, is he at a mate's or is he still missing?

[TheOneWithTheHair]

Also hoping he's ok.