This is no where near as serious as most of the other threads on here, but we're stuck and thought there might be some teen experts on this board [fingers crossed!]
dd1 is 13 and is bloody hard work :( she argues back constantly and ignores all requests made of her. Nothing is ever her fault and she has a major attack of drama queen-itis on top for good measure.
Pretty much every time we ask her to do something she answers to the effect that she doesn't see why she should have to do that. Things like picking up her clothes from the stairs and eating dinner (any dinner, not all of it, or something she doesn't like - just some food!) 
she has an answer for everything, and it's never the same answer as ours :(
It's hard to explain how frustrating this is. I know she's not happy but she just cannot seem to understand that she needs to comply with house rules - basically that if she's asked to do something, she tries to do it!
We're not expecting perfect behaviour all the time, but being civil to everyone in the house most of the time and not arguing back would be a good start.
We've had CAHMS support in the past (ended 2+ years ago) as she was shoplifting and stealing at school (that has stopped now). To be honest although it helped at the time, I'm not sure it would help again. It was rather wishy washy and she was quite agreeable then! she's always fine for everyone else - school is good, family members find her reasonable and fairly polite - it's just at home she's a different person.
Any suggestions?
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Teenagers
how do you deal with a teen that argues back at every request?
bumpybecky · 31/03/2012 20:06
ok as a (young) mum who suffers from pmdd, i can highly recommend PROSAC! for fortnight before period. also, withdrawing all housekeeping services should buck her ideas up 
I agree about withdrawing all housekeeping and pocket money....
Prosac? If that is Prozac, I know people who commited suicide coming off that...
Agree with AF.
What I try (that sometimes works, and sometimes doesn't) is calmly reminding them they have a,b,c,d,e,and f to do if they want me to take them wherever that night. Don't get into nagging, don't get into being cross - keep it as a simple fact.
Also what often works well here is a choice.....there are these 3 jobs to do - which do you want to do, before I give your sisters a choice.
I find I get a better response if I give them some kind of choice / control over bits of their day or even their life. I point out things like they have these jobs to do, these homeworks, and they want to go out to such and such at this time - how are they going to organise the time? So - ds has his GCSEs coming up. When we aren't arguing, I remind him of how few days there actually are left until the exams start. I point out he needs to fit in so many hours per day in the school holidays, then I ask him what time he wants me to get him up..... he still has some control- I'm not dragging him out of bed at 8am, or writing timetables for him.
It doesn't work all the time! (I wish 
) but life seems a bit smoother when I apply the theory.
My "pretty normal" wasn't meant to be dismissive last night, please don't take it that way.
My dd is just like you described, and she has no MH issues...it's just me that is close to a bloody nervous breakdown 
I havent read the whole thread as I'm on my way out but my dd1 is almost 13 and we've been having this for years we actually turned a corner when she was ill for about 2 weeks over christmas 2010 and she was lay on the sofa being very quiet and she realised that actually life was a lot calmer and happier when she wasn't causing grief, also dh and i had a break from it and found the strength to tackle it, be consistant and united as soon as she well and started it all again we stamped it out we gave her 2 choices do as you are told or go to bed early/ dont have your phone/ no tv etc
We also gave her room a make over so she had more storage, more mirrors, a bigger tv, grown up wall paper etc she loves it so much she keeps it immaculate and it also gives her a nice space to go and chill or do home work.
We have been giving her a bit more freedom too which is enjoying but if she cheeks us/ won't do as she is told we reign her freedom in but we don't ground her.
We listen to her opinions, we may not agree with them but we listen anyway then explain calmly why she might not get what she wants for e.g. she wanted to change schools the other day because she doesn't want to wear her blazer - obviously not happening but we told her she had 24hrs to seriously consider if it was worth ruining her education for an item of clothing, at 1st she shouted she hated us (which we made her apologise for when she had calmed down) we also said if she says that then we are good parents and doing our job right She has chosen not to change schools.
I hth a bit, I also read how to talk to so teens will listen and that has helped a lot too.
sorry, wasn't ignoring, we went away for a couple of days :) we even brought dd1 back home, so she can't have been that bad!
the book arrived while we were away, but I've not had a chance to look at it properly yet
I think the comments above about not engaging are right - I do get better results with the broken record thing, just calmly (or as near as I can get to calm anyway) repeating the request
will try an start reading this week and see how we go, in the meantime things have calmed down a bit, so perhaps there are hormones involved too
thanks for the reports of other stroppy teens - it helps to know we're not alone :)
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