DS seems very lazy but may be Aspergers (waiting for NHS diagnosis). He uses his behaviour as a tactic to get out of helping around the house and doing homework/schoolwork.
I am at the end of my tether and have just really shouted at him.
He was promised swimming today if he got his paperwork for his Duke of Edinburgh Award together. It's important that he tries to get this as he is failing in his work for all of GCSEs. If he can get the DoE then it will be a qualification based on doing things he is capable of (swimming, bushcraft, electronics) without any essays etc.
DS manipulates the situation so that I spoonfeed him every action; telling me he doesn't know how to do things (as simple as emptying and changing a bin). Obviously it us easier to do it myself but I try not to do this too much. However spoonfeeding him through every action - which I know he's capable of - is exhausting me.
I've told him that he has blown his chance of going swimming today now, but I still need him to complete the paperwork. Of course now I have no carrot.
I feel ashamed for just shouting at him so much but tbh he shouts at me more.
I'm on my own and my boyfriend of 4 yrs doesn't want to take a role with step parenting DS, although I really feel that DS needs a role model.
Incidentally I have a 19yo who was no trouble at all.
Posted this in parenting earlier but now have cut and pasted to here. Meanwhile, DS and I have reached some sort of an entente cordiale where he has emailed some possibles for volunteering. I breathed a big sigh of relief to see him using his own iniative, but feel it was such a huge upset to bring us to here; and how do I motivate him next time?
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Teenagers
Difficulty coping wit 14yo
HeteronormativeBuckethead · 17/02/2012 19:16
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We have just watched the DVD of 'Of Mice and Men ' which DS is studying for GCSE.
He was in absolute floods of tears! As I nearly was too!
I haven't read the book or seen the film either, I didn't realise it would be so heartbreaking.
I was trying to do a bit of objective criticism throughout, but I just ended up saying 'It's only a story' over and over again by the end 
.
Maryz thanks for the advice. I think a wallchart is a great idea. Unfortunately it's so hard for me to fathom what he has to do and when, so I'm not the best team leader here.
DS will try to do the absolute minimum of any task and is very skilled at bargaining down until I cave in and let him just for my own sanity. The confiscation of the laptop is the normal consequence these days and does have quite a lot of clout.
Maryz, what are your 'not to do's? Would like to hear some of them.
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