Tooth brushing

[Racheinderbys]

Sorry if this has been discussed before, but I couldn't find any discussion in this age-group. My almost-teen son (12y 10m) has stopped brushing his teeth! This is quite out of character (he is usually very good about his tasks) and came to a head last night when I got him out of bed to do his teeth, because he had "forgotten" yet again, he went to the bathroom and pretended to do his teeth and went back to bed. In the time he was pretending he could have actually done it. What is going on here? Why lie about such an apparently trivial thing? What is he gaining by rebelling in a way which literally on hurts himself? I am going to try to find out if toothbrush / toothpaste are not to his liking, but does anyone have any insights?

[SebastionTheCrab]

I'm not really sure of the reasons why but maybe it's just the lazy phase many teens go through.
It could have been an act of defiance when he pretended to brush them. Had he been asleep when you got him out of bed? Maybe he was genuinely tired and just couldn't be bothered?
I'm not sure it has much effect on teens as they always think ''it won't happen to me'' but could you try showing him some really vile dental pictures of people who have not looked after their teeth. (My gums have slightly receded from a spate of not looking after them properly in my teens and oh, how I regret it now )

[twange]

How bloody frustrating is this!!! Oh I feel for you and have been there.

I have an 18 year old who was cleaning her teeth intermittently for the last two years... but would deny it if tackled about it... now she has had a wake up call.. as she came to me and asked why her gums were bleeding and I explained (again) about plaque and gum disese.. now she's fanatica... finallyl!!! but why they don't just take your word for it in the first place is the annoying part.

From my experience I would say it's likely this is just about lazyness in first instance and defiance when caught out. It gets so annoying, but you might have to go back to treating him like a toddler and insist that he does his teeth in front of you? When he moans about it, tell him he's created the need for this. Keep it up for a couple of weeks till he's thouroughly sick of it. Then check his toothbrush when he's back to doing it himself. I would bet my bottom dollar that he will do it again, just to see if he can, but just go through the process again so he knows you won't give up. Best to deal with it now while you still have the power to 'ground' him or ban 'video games'.. as when they are older it just gets harder to find ways to curb their daft behaviour.

[GnomeDePlume]

Had same problem with similarly aged DS. One thing that worked - we dont tell off for 'forgeting' but DS gets a monumental rocket for lying about it.

This has made things easier as the conversation is now 'have you brushed your teeth?' 'Oops no' 'Then go and do it please'.

So much better than 'have you brushed your teeth?' 'yes' 'are you sure' 'yes' checks bone dry toothbrush 'come and let me check your breath' 'did you brush your teeth?' 'yes ' 'are you sure?' 'no ' 'go and brush your teeth' 'hurrumph, huf, puf' 'that's it, you are now grounded and xbox rights withdrawn' 'hurrumph, huf, puf'.

[NomDePrune]

When is he next due to go the dentist? Presumably he still goes with you? Dentist saying "hmm I am seeing evidence here of brush mis-management and possible neglect" as he inspects will have the desired effect, I would think (even if you have to tip off the dentist in advance)

[Racheinderbys]

Thanks everyone! I have asked him whether he wants new / different toothpaste etc. (he used to only like one brand) but he says no. I think he did brush properly last night and this morning. To answer specific questions:
@sebastianthecrab: he certainly wasn't asleep. I have reason to believe he had leapt from his computer to his bed in the gap between me knocking on the door and coming in. But yes, he was tired. But he should have done it earlier in the evening when I first reminded him!
@twange: you are right I will have to come down on this hard while he is still "groundable"
@gnomedeplume: The dialogue you describe is identical to the one I have had with him multiple times! I have tried to be reasonable about forgetting, so hope the gaming rights card can be used re: lying and misleading
@NomdePrune: good point about dentist. March I think, but I can use it as a forward threat too - "dentist will not be impressed".

[OlympicEater]

DS (13) does this and I remember doing it as well. Can't think why either.

It took a boy I fancied calling me "dog breath" to make me start caring about dental hygiene.

We sometimes have a spate of "Right chew this disclosing tablet you two and the one with the cleanest teeth gets a pound" - oddly enough DD who is super clean at 7 usually wins

[OlympicEater]

Oh and the orthodontist drummed it home to him that if he did not look after his teeth then he would withdraw treatment - sadly didn't make much difference

[twange]

Olympic I am going to steal that idea of the disclosing tablets.. will be a very interesting excercise to see if the my 10 and 11 year old can beat my 18 year old :o

[GnomeDePlume]

DH has just reminded me - bad breath is rewarded with a jet of mouth spray from my incredibly powerful mouth spray. Also helps to focus teenage minds.

[Racheinderbys]

Ooh will have to go looking for mouth spray and disclosing tablets!

[HSMM]

brief your dentist in advance, because my dentist told my occasional brusher that she was looking after her teeth really well!