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Teenagers

I want to kill him!

9 replies

sheldee123 · 20/01/2012 15:20

Sorry but I have to blow off steam! My son has coasted all his school life did ok in his Gcse and badly in his As. His school werent very helpful and gave him the wrong advice re uni. They basically told him he'd get no offers which demotivated him even more. I decided to take the bull by the horns phoned the admin tutor for the uni he always dreamed of going to he said that with my sons predicted grades his sporting ability and a good personal statement / reference he had a chance . My son didn't think he would get any offers he had an ok parents evening then that night he got the two offers he wanted . I thought that would be it he would now work well how wrong I was he did a bit of work with a lot of nagging and went back to school and decided to do his usual trick of misleading me telling me how well he done in tests / homework without me prompting him . He did mock on Monday which he got the school to delay for him ( more fool them! ) I just had an email from the head of department to tell me he's failed his mock badly ! We sent it to him and he said oh that was the beginning of the week I've done all the work now I know it! My girlfriends still coming for dinner? WTF ! We've been through tears at the beginning of term cos hes so upset he dosent know what to do with his life then he gets what he wants and is in the same process of going to fail all over again! If he doesn't want to go to uni fine but he says he does? I'm more annoyed he's mislead me ! We've had a massive row cos of the girlfriend and going out on top of which I have flu so I don't want any dinner guests thanks ! He's now sitting in the car cos he's scared of me! Cos I threw the remote at him cos he wouldn't leave my bedroom cos he wanted to talk to me and frankly I've had enough he wants to explain that the school are wrong! I JUST WANT TO KILL HIM ......

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sheldee123 · 20/01/2012 15:30

By the way his module is on Monday! He's cross cos he got found out!

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mnistooaddictive · 20/01/2012 15:34

It is all too typical of teenage boys. They really want to do well as long as they don't actually have to do the work. Can you get him a days work experience at sainsburys? Ask him if that is what he wants? You could try and put structure in place for him, such as from 5-7 you will be at the table working. If he doesn't stick to it then he leaves sixth form.

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sheldee123 · 20/01/2012 15:54

Sainsburys is a great idea! I thought seeing my nephew who didn't get what he wanted and is now working in a supermarket while doing his resits would have motivated him as for leaving well he only has one term left so he may as well finish just don't know why he feels it's necessary to lead me on! He may as well be honest but he's probably not mature enough a strange part of me wants him to fail so he can learn or try and get a job maybe he doesn't want to disappoint me !

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sheldee123 · 20/01/2012 15:56

I've even taken him out of first team sports to do work which he didn't complain about and has worked clearly not enough!

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sheldee123 · 20/01/2012 16:02

Omg he's still at it wanting the girlfriend to come over telling me he's going back to football etc next week ( I have only stopped him from playing for school for 2 weeks not playing and training on a Sunday and Thursday! ) if I was well enough I'd go to the office for some peace and quiet!

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gingeroots · 21/01/2012 10:48

Not much advice I'm afraid ,but lots of sympathy and recognition .

Sounds similar to DS ,though at least you've got some input from school and not having to rely soley on DS .
My DS is now at a college doing a Foundation Degree - we have had a few tears because he recognises he's let himself down .
On the whole I think my DS just doesn't like/not motivated to do academic work .
It's not that he's not capable ,but he can't/wont make himself do it .

I've no idea how he will get on in life - I suspect he'd be fine in a job ( not the sort to mind getting up early and plodding along ,it's the self organisation ,studying he can't do ) ,though jobs are hard to come by .

I was beside myself last year and I don't think our relationship will ever be the same - it was the lies and shock at the truth that got to me .
But I think that they are not mature enough to sit down and be honest ,especially when they don't know what they want to do in the future other than " go to uni " which seems the only course these days .
With my DS ( and maybe yours ) I was not at all relaxed ,always on his case ,and he knew how much I wanted him to try and do the work ( I wouldn't even have minded if he'd not done very well if he'd tried ) but this just drove him further away ,less work ,more deception ,less self confidence .

I feel I have to accept him the way he is ,he has lots of good qualities but at school ,late teens it becomes all about studying .But that's not all there is to him or all there is to life .It's very hard being young ,particularly as there are so few jobs and so much pressure to go to uni .

My advice would be to be kind to your DS ,give him a break ,try and come up with plan B . With my DS that has been more study at a lower level than normal honor degree - not really the best answer but it was the best we could do ,hoping that time will bring maturity .

And remember that nowadays it's possible to go back to studying at a later stage in life .

Deep breaths and try and hang on in there . x

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gingeroots · 21/01/2012 10:51

Also - if your DS has a dream and offers ,there is time for him to work hard ,take his A levels ( what subjects is he doing ? ) and succeed .

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gemblags1980 · 21/01/2012 20:50

Hi,
sorry to hear you are having a hard time- hope you are feeling better now?? it sounds like your son may be doing this because he is unsure about what it is he really wants to do, and if he did,nt do what was planed you would be upset and disappointed with him ( which I can tell from your post you are not) you just wanted to be kept informed which is understandable. It may be worth an appointment with the carers service and also to look at the confidence building stuff as well through the local youth service or one to one life coaching. if you let me know where you live I can point you in the right direction. My company offers confidence Building Interview skills etc, I am in West Yorkshire, but if you are too far away I do sell the packs and can offer telephone support.
Get in touch if interested. Good Luck Gemma

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sheldee123 · 23/01/2012 11:26

Thanks for that I'll look into it. But he doesnt really fit into that category either he's represented GB twice at international tournaments doesn't drink, doesn't smoke fully qualified reffery . Keeps away from anyone whose trouble ( learnt the hard way when he was younger!) and is a pleasure to have around apart from the work thing. Although he always seems to do homework etc ok. We had a chat and I said of you know it do a paper and I'll get your sister to mark it he did and got a B ! I was thrilled but didn't show it too much a quick pat on the back etc my daughter showed him how to maximise marks on the parts that he was struggling on seems their not too hot on showing them marking schemes at his school maybe that would explain why he either gets an A or an E nothing inbetween! He's very relaxed about the whole thing I keep asking him are you sure you want to go to Loughborough? He just says mum don't be stupid I've wanted to go there since I was 10! I'd personally be happy if he wanted to do knitting as a career as long as he was happy and productive. I just feel if he really wanted to go he'd pull out all the stops. Maybe he's scared about moving on? All I can do is wait to see what happens with these modules and his resit. I suppose if he did badly in these he could resit them but it's like history repeating itself. He has an open day in march for his course and to choose accommodation . I just don't get why you'd do all of this if you didn't want to when I keep saying are you sure ? His school did put him off though by telling him he'd not get in anywhere anyway he did but I think it really knocked him I just hope deep down he's doing what he wants.

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