How do you get greasy dirty teens to wash?

[QOD]

How can you get them to see what other people see? Black heads, greasy hair and general grottiness?

[Dustinthewind]

What are your teen's friends like? Clean and fragrant or grungie and smelly?
We just tell each other in this house if we think someone needs a shower.
Are they usually a bit lacking in the hygiene department, or is it the holiday slump?

[QOD]

She just doesn't like to wash, we can't let her shower as she has nearly brought down the dining room ceiling as she can't stop the shower flooding the room and baths are boring. I can honestly say her friends are clean, shiney and groomed.
They brush their hair, wash it and wear clean clothes.
She goes to an all girls school so not boy aware and ignores them on the bus home Nike her friends who obviously want to impress/are more socially aware.
It's just frustrating. Everyone has judged the child in dirty stained clothes, with greasy rats tail hair, dollop of talc n the crown to dry it up a bit, with black heads and a general fun round them. That's her. DH and I bath daily, clean clothes, I wear make up, style my hair. I find it a bit embarrassing t be see with her sometimes. Worry she will get bullied too, she says I am bullying her when I tell her to bath

[QOD]

iPod. Wll discuss with dh later. So disheartening though. Mind you, she could be all nice and shiney and styled like her 1yr older cousin and be mad into boys, going out, 18 films..... Her mum is beside herself as she wants her DD to be like ours.
Agh

[Acandlelitshadow]

I used to tell her when she hummed. She'd try and kick up about how mean I was being until I pointed out it was better for me to comment than her friends to gossip.

It turned out to be a phase. Can't get her out of the home primping parlour now

[oldenoughtowearpurple]

Sort out the shower so she can use that, and make sure it is supplied with decent smellies.
Then be very very matter of fact and firm rather than naggy or emotional. 'You are a member of this household and your hygiene is unacceptable. Go and have a shower'.
Don't expect her to like it or be nice about it.

It may be that she is very self conscious and is afraid of attracting attention. Emphasise that what you are looking for is an acceptable level of hygiene and nothing more than that: make it clear you are not looking for anything like her cousin and that being clean does not make her like her cousin.
And steal her clothes and wash them.

[Theas18]

You smell have a shower before tea..... Nope no tea till showered .... And that means no tv/ iPod either...... Yes I know you're hungry but no one who smells will be fed...


Etc!!!! Broken record assertiveness. Given up subtlety like " your hair will look gorgeous if you give it a wash"......

It's really jus dd2 now and occasionally ds. I understand she gets really tired and moody and washing isn't high on her list so I'll sometimes run a lovely bubbly bath then spring it on her " oh look the bath is full - why don't you go in and have a soak and I'll make supper " ....

[Theas18]

And frisk her room for dirty clothes every night or even insist ( agin before tea is good) that she bathes/ showers and hands over the dirty clothes.

Oh and fix the shower.

[Rezolution]

Book her a slot at the hairdresser. Wash and cut.
Let the hairdresser sort it out for you (not too expensive a salon obviously)
Take her to the baths. Shower after baths helps enormously.
What about having a sleepover where the girls all have a beauty night?
These are all ideas I have tried on my own DTDs.
Nothing is foolproof.

[QOD]

Old enough .... You have a very good point, she is very very self conscious and likes to hide herself, maybe this part of the whole "don't notice my d cups" syndrome. She won't go swimming (boobs) and the sleepover thing woud be a whole other bag of issues (but great idea)
DH said about the hair cut, she has recently had a trim but has really thick hair and thinks it looks nice all natural. Which is really not true.
I have frisked her room today, is that a good idea though? I do it with her uniform all the time, and worry I am not helping as maybe if someone did say "oh shit who stinks?" oddly, she wears clean pjs most nights and two pairs knickers, but to be fair they are a bit icky . . .
hard innit, my sis was a total skank tidy wise but we were both groomed, or at least not smelly.
I don't wanna be a mum to a teen, it's too hard!!! I'm not a real grown up yet (I'm 42 technically)

[QOD]

Oh and the shower thing, yeah, married to a builder . . . . .

[SulkySullenDame]

Same problem here. I have physically manhandled her into the shower before but generally run her a bath and bribe her with fizzy juice/money/favourite food etc [embarrassed] so she gets in it (about twice a week. Having a teen is haaaaard, isn't it?

[WTFlike]

Fix the shower and make a new rule - get in the shower as soon as you wake up. No ifs or buts. That is the rule.

[QOD]

Oh wtflike can u come live with us for a week? Like a super nanny for teens?

[Jennyjanuary]

Oh QOD I feel your pain! My dd is 14 and similar problem- I have started running a big bubble bath every few nights and persuading her to get in which is easier once the bath is run and waiting. I have said recently "look,dd, noone will tell you that you smell,only me, but your friends will def talk about it behind your back." Its a complete pain isn't it? I will faint from shock the day she will go and shower etc without being asked. When oh when will that day come?

[roonilwazlib]

Have you asked her why she doesn't like it?
I was a reluctant washer and for the silliest of reasons. I hated the feeling of wrinkled fingers but hadn't thought for myself that I wouldn't have to soak in the bath so this wouldn't have to happen. I also didn't and still don't like the feel of clean bare feet and even now have to put socks on after a shower or bath, even in the summer. I moisturise after a bath or shower now which helps as I just feel taught and uncomfortable if I don't. I also didn't like being cold afterwards.
The prospect of feeling uncomfortable physically seemed to out weigh the need to be clean when I was a teen. I only do it more now that i have found ways around the uncomfortable feeling and that I don't want to smell.
I wasn't in to boys until I was about 16 though, but they weren't into me either. I wonder why?
Very odd writing this down as haven't actually talked about it before.

[QOD]

Just asked,,she doesn't like wrinkly fingers.
Bloody bored with it, bored with her, I want a nice little 8 yr old who adore me back :(

[thunderboltsandlightning]

Is the shower broken? Then get it fixed.

Also stop obsessing about this. There are worse things in the world than being a bit grubby.

[QOD]

She's in the bath. . . . No the shower is not broken, DH and I use it with no issues. She is totally incapable of keeping the spray inside the bath, inside the screen etc etc. You cannot reason with her, she is always right and will argue that black is white and vice versa.

[Rezolution]

Isn't everything an uphill battle with teens?
I find they don't really want to do themselves any favours. It's almost as if they WANT to make themselves unlovable/unattractive.
Same with exercise - I've got one 13 year-old who is allergic to anything more active than walking to the kitchen and back to the bedroom.

[QOD]

It's a thankless task, just waiting for the grand babies now!!

[mindgone]

My DS started showering every day when he noticed that some other kids were a bit smelly! He didn't want to join them! I reckon they get there in their own time. Good luck!

[percysgirl]

My 14 yr old DD showers/bathes morning and night (good job we have 2 bathrooms as she seems to think one has been installed for her sole use - deffo not the case!!) but the 16 yr old DS has to be, shall we say, gently encouraged into the shower on a daily basis (I think he would rather lie in his pit in his own stench all day if I would let him!!)
Teenagers eh? Who'd have 'em!

[VivaLeBeaver]

How aBOUt a trip to Lush and buy her some nice showergels and soaps and bath bombs? She might be more likely to want to try them out.