bedtime troubles

[ftyu]

help i have a 13 year old who is making a fuss about going to bed she wants to sleep with me and i cant bear it . It didnt happen when she was small.I understand she has certain things which bother her she says she is scared to sleep alone. we have nights when i dont want to give in she can stand by my bed for an hour its taking over my life we are both tierd. Any one else having this problem i didnt expect it to start at this age.

[Sevenfold]

would say rather unusual at that age.
is something scaring her? is she worried about you?

[ftyu]

i really dont know she might be ie because there is just her and i i do belive she might have a big fear of something happening to me. Although she has her dad she does not get on with him so well. She has always been sensitive and sometimes difficult. However she has great scool friends and is doing well at school.

[ftyu]

i really dont know she might be ie because there is just her and i i do belive she might have a big fear of something happening to me. Although she has her dad she does not get on with him so well. She has always been sensitive and sometimes difficult. However she has great scool friends and is doing well at school.

[howmanydaysleftuntil]

I guess you need to help her to tell you what her fears are and you need to address that when it isn't bedtime!

How long has this been going on? If it hasn't been too long already, could you perhaps sit with her in her room until she goes to sleep for a few nights?

[Happymum22]

One of my DDs did this until about aged 14. She similarly had a hard relationship with her dad and her sleeping in my bed began after I split from her dad. I never pushed her not to sleep with me, I tried to ask her why and she woulnt never really tell me and couldn't pin what it was. It wasn't directly connected with her dad but since says its just fear of being alone, people breaking in at night and feeling secure with me.
She worked herself up and always ended up coming to my bed, it became habit so that it was harder for her to sleep in her bed, making her more likely to come and sleep with me.

It took her to want to stop sleeping with me, and her own deteminism. She would play story tapes as she feel asleep which helped a huge amount.
I think you have to take off the pressure, heavily encourage (but don't embarass) her when she does sleep in her own bed.

[jshibbyr]

i did this just after my parents split up (15) it is usually due to fear of losing that parent too so they want them as close as possible it's also if somethings happened within her life its a method of becoming a child again.
some suggestions of how it could stop: are you giving her attention during the day, even just going for a walk to get out the house, its the whole knowing you have to grow up but still feel like you need that guidance but scared to get it as 'you have to be all grown up'
try to ask her offhandedly about it, don't back her into a corner try the whole oh i'd just like a chat when's good for u'
if she asks to talk to u no matter what your doing listen, teenagers and kids have the nack of wanting to talk when your busy, if your cooking dinner, and she says she wants to talk just say 'ok can you cut this' or w/e may be helpful to you at the time, this puts less pressure on her, and get's some more stuff done for you while you can still listen to what has to be said
i know this may sound obvious, but you may be unconsciously saying your busy, or something.

she'll probably grow out of it soon, she wont want to sleep with you when she has a sleepover with friends or when she's older (if anything peer pressure will come to play) i hope this helps, but i know from experience that it's difficult and she needs your love and support, hope it's resolved