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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Got myself into a pickle - help! (May be TMI)

16 replies

howmanydaysleftuntil · 07/12/2011 10:12

So, dd and bf of 4 months are 16 - I know they are having sex, and her dad and I accept this (because we can't stop it), but don't overtly encourage (no room sharing or leaving them in the house alone unnecessarily).

She asked me a week or so ago if I would order online some "juicy lube" as a joke xmas present for the bf (not for it's "proper" use apparently, but because the bf likes this flavour (!!!). I said no I wouldn't (in exactly the tone you might imagine!). A couple of days later we were both loading an Amazon basket with stuff and when it came to paying (me, obviously), there is was. In a fit of "do I really care?" I ordered it, it arrived yesterday with other stuff and I just handed all the parcels over. Why did I do that??????!!!! Spent the whole evening fretting about it - I've overstepped the line here, haven't I? Whilst I am interested in her health and safety (I would buy her condoms), I don't want to know anything more (I wouldn't buy her ribbed/coloured/flavoured condoms).

If she'd bought the stuff herself (seen it in Boots (but not that flavour (!!)), I would have raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips. But could she buy this at 16 (just checked Amazon and it's got the "18 sticker" on it).

I think I should take this back, but I know she will say I shouldn't have ordered it/given it to her (true). Then the biggie will come out - she will tell me that as an older mum (55), I am a prude and way behind the times. This one always "gets" me.

Sorry for all the exclamation marks (can't sort out the smileys yet).

Am I being prudish, irrational?

OP posts:

Report

SenoritaViva · 07/12/2011 10:17

I am bumping this for you as I don't have a 16 year old.

A bit of me says that you should leave it - it's done now. Thinking back to being 16 myself I never could have had that kind of discussion with my mum, whatever you do I think you should feel proud of yourself that your daughter feels she can talk to you openly (even if you feel awkward). It means if she ever got into 'trouble' of some sort she would come to you - so very important.

purplecupcake · 07/12/2011 10:23

i did have a giggle when reading it ... sorry

I know she is only 16, but atleast she is honest enough to come to you and talk about it instead of sneaking around trying to buy it .. whether you should of bought it or not for her i know alot of people are going to say NO, but really is it doing that much harm in her giving it as a gift .. aslong as she is aware of the facts of life and STD's then i wouldnt worry .. i also know alot of people on here will disagree with my opinion

AgentProvocateur · 07/12/2011 10:24

I do have a 16 year old, and TBH I'd just move on and forget it ever happened and be proud of the fact that your relationship is such that she can ask you to get it for her.

Memoo · 07/12/2011 10:26

I think you sound like a fab mum whose dd has a lot of trust in. Stop fretting.

startail · 07/12/2011 10:38

Clearly she trusts you and wants you to know. I guess you have to smile and accept it.
I have a almost 14Y she shows absolutely no interest in boys except to joke and fight with, but I guess she will on day.
I went off to university before bringing home a serious BF.
Mum just brought us breakfast in bed

howmanydaysleftuntil · 07/12/2011 11:54

Oooh, thank you - not the replies I expected at all! I'm having a mull - maybe I'll just put it down as a not to be repeated mistake (one of many!), or maybe I'll just stick my head in the sand and pretend I don't know what it is (it's a very innocuous looking bottle!!)

OP posts:

ExitPursuedBySanta · 07/12/2011 11:58

I hope my DD will talk to me like this when she is 16 (currently 12). I too am an older Mum.

You sound great - let it go. But yuk....

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2011 11:59

I too would like to to echo what an approachable and great mum you sound.

And I would be wanting the brain bleach for myself after buying the lube for her

SenoritaViva · 07/12/2011 12:02

Why not say to her 'I had a quick try, I see what he means it's delicious, I think you've converted us too' (assuming you are seeing someone at the moment!) She might not ask you again

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 12:04

I think it's fine. But my 12 year old DS is never going to even know what 'lube' is

You do sound like a great Mum.

PattySimcox · 07/12/2011 16:43

Senorita

OP you sound like you have approached it totally right - the fact that your DD can talk openly to you about such things shows what a good relationship you have with her

KatieScarlett2833 · 07/12/2011 16:47

My DD is the same about the "oversharing"

I know every damn detail.

While I know this is really great, my brain is screaming "aaarrrrrrrgghhhhhhhhnooooooooooooo" every time she tells me all.

I feel your pain OP

howmanydaysleftuntil · 07/12/2011 19:01

Tee hee, Senorita, but I wouldn't dream of embarrassing her would I?!

Had my mull and given she's been an absolute darling since picking her up from school (soooo rare!), I've just told her she was very cheeky to have added it to the order and left it at that. I am sure there are much worse errors of judgement I could (and may in the future!) make.

I was still a bit bothered about the over 18 tag (and it going to someone else's under 18 ds) but there are lots on Amazon without the tag and can only see it on ones actually sold by them. I'm assuming that means it is an Amazon company policy thing rather than any legal regulation. That's my story should bf's mother ever find out. (Don't expect he's going to tell her though!)

Thanks for all your replies - my confidence has had a much needed boost!!

OP posts:

LancsDad · 19/12/2011 01:17

Don't worry about the age limit, there isn't one for lube. Nor for condoms or even a Rabbit from Anne summers but she can't go on a sunbed until 18.

www3.lancashire.gov.uk/corporate/atoz/a_to_z/service.asp?u_id=3546&tab=1

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 19/12/2011 21:16

see I would take it off her and would wrap it up as a prezzie from you . uber ickki. lol

mrsjay · 21/12/2011 15:00

eeek i wouldnt have bought juicey lube but my 18 year old would rather chew her arm of than ask me or speak about sex , I would leave it its bought now try and erase the thought from your memory and be glad your daughter can ask you these sorts of things , She is 16 she wouldve been able to buy it for herself , If she asks you to go annesummers for her then say no their is boundries

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