Help - DS (nearly 12) just seems, lazy, unmotivated, directionless, 'blobbling around' this half term....

[Whippet]

He's a good kid. Bright. Reads a lot. Just started at the local Grammar school.

He has local friends, but he's always been a bit lazy about organising things with them (I often end up doing it!)

This half term (we have 2 weeks - we've already had one) he seems to have sunk to a new low.... he's juts blobbing around complaining he's bored, and winding up me and his little brother constantly .

Last week there was stuff organised - bowling, a sleepover, a walk + pub lunch, visit to friends etc but this week it's more difficult, as I have some stuff to do at home, and some of his friends are away.

We were out for 2 hours this morning in town, but the minute we get back he starts whinging and causing trouble - he's driving me insane!

He's already been in the computer for over an hour, and I want him to do some other stuff instead.

He is currently lying on his bed fiddling with a rubiks cube thing, saying 'waht can I do?'

But he seems to have an excuse for everything I suggest... (reading, his robotics kit, arty things, playing his guitar...) He is like a toddler - wanting constant attention!! I never remember being this high maintenance at 12 - I was off with my friends, or spedning time making/doing stuff on my own....

He is so bright and talented I can't bear to see him watsing away his time like this.
Aaargh!

[TanteRose]

whoah! he's not wasting his time - he's on a break, for goodness sake!

12 year olds (and all teenagers) go on about how bored they are all the time, its their mantra

just ignore it, stop suggesting things and let him just veg out for a few days. If he's just started secondary school, he will be pretty exhausted surely?

even bright and talented people need a bit of down time

[Catsmamma]

firstly, he's a teen

secondly, you are NOT Entertainments Manager

and thirdly what TanteRose said!

[PattySimcox]

DS has been moaning about being bored so I said "Ooooh good Dad and I came up with a list of jobs for you to do when you got bored, off you go in the garden and do some chopping!" - he soon found he wasn't so bored after all

[Whippet]

But I wanted him to be teaching himself quantum physics this holiday!

Yes - you're right (drat!)

He has now actually gone out to play with DS2 and his 9 year old friends in the street... they are charging about with sticks....

It's a weird age I think...he is still adapting..

Any ideas though for other things I could suggest?

[Whippet]

Like the jobs idea....

I just hate the fact that as soon as he's bored he annoys DS2 for fun.... Ds2 is a dream and will happily build lego/ draw/ make up fantasy games on his own quite happily for hours...

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I second the jobs idea.


"Mum, I'm bored, there's nothing to do."



It's astounding how fast they'll find some other way to pass the time.

And DS2 will go the same way, btw.

[SecretSquirrels]

What Maryz said.
It's his job to be bored.
You said he'd been on the computer for an hour. While I don't like them spending all day on there once they are 12ish they are a bit past toys and you can't just throw them out to "play" in the garden any more.

I miss the days when they were younger and we used to do all sorts of activities in the school holidays together. They resent me trying to organise stuff now. My role in life is taxi driver. (Before anyone jumps on me for that we live in an isolated spot with no buses)

[Whippet]

OK - he has said he wants to do some cooking over the next few days, so that sounds like a plan. He has already done a few meals for scouts/ chef badge, so I'm happy letting him loose in the kitchen...

Could be a helpful useful skill

[spendthrift]

DS v similar - it gets worse btw. But a) they need to unwind; b) they need to learn how to amuse themselves c) I remember doing exactly the same, when I was fed up with reading (pre electronic games).

Over the summer, because I was/am incapacitated, DS became "head of the commissariat". So he orchestrated the shopping lists (under supervision) and learned how to go for the cheaper stuff; put stuff away, cooked the main meal etc. Giving him responsibility for a specific area was more appealing than a series of jobs, unless they were part of a plan. You could try something along that line? payment also works - eg we have a set rate for ironing shirts.

[EllieG]

Maybe he should pair up with my DD1 - she's just the same. You have my comiserations

[Bonsoir]

My DSS2 has a lazy streak and, TBH, the best thing is to send him on a course during the holidays - he is MUCH happier when occupied in a structured way!

[notjustme]

Definitely another vote for the jobs idea - it's very amusing watching a teen trying to get out of the 'I'm so booooored there's nooooothing to doooooo' whine when you then say 'excellent, I was just looking for someone to help me clean out the animals/tidy the bathroom/hoover the hall/go do the food shopping'...