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Yr8 Teenager and homework

10 replies

jetsetlil · 06/10/2011 20:02

How can I get my DD just to sit down and get on with her homework? Every bloody day its a battle. I've tried negotiating time. Asking her when she would prefer to do it either straight from school or after tea. Rewarding and punishing. Everything. Its getting to the point when the very mention of the H word starts stressing me out and putting me in a bad mood.
Also left to her own devices the work she does is shit so I end up practically doing the fucking work for her. I'm tempted to back off and not mention it at all and when she gets in trouble at school for not doing it or handing in crap work let her deal with the consequences.
Does anyone have any advice for me please?? Please?

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lljkk · 06/10/2011 20:05

I don't think you should do any work for her.
What happens (at school) if she turns the "shit" work into her teacher?

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seeker · 06/10/2011 20:07

You've answered your own question. Back off completely. Let her get on with it.

My mum used to say that it was a parent's job to provide tasty, nutritious meals on a regular basis- it's not a parent's job to make anyone eat them. The same goes for homework. Provide a warm, comfortable, quiet space. Provide any materials necessary. Provide, if you like, a steady stream of drinks and snacks. Then leave her to it.

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jetsetlil · 06/10/2011 20:13

yes your right - I need to back off don't I? I don't know what will happen at school if she hands in crap work as she (I) get it done but I sometimes feel like i'm the one at school!! I get so anxious about it and we constantly end up arguing about bloody homework. And to be honest its really difficult so i'm not surprised she needs a lot of help.

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lljkk · 06/10/2011 20:19

But they won't know she's not learning it on her own if you keep doing the work for her, iyswim. So it's doing her a favour to let her teachers see the real level of work she can produce independently.

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seeker · 06/10/2011 20:20

If it's too hard for her then either the teaching is at the wrong level for her, or she's not paying attention or she's saying it's hard to avoid doing it. All of these options really need to be discussed with the teacher. You may find that the suggestion that you're going to talk to the teacher about it might just focus her mind a bit! How long does the school say she should spend over homework every night?

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jetsetlil · 06/10/2011 20:27

I think she is not paying attention at school to be honest because when we finally get her to sit down and do her work she acts like its all new to her yet at parents eve the teachers explained that they will have covered the work in class.
TBH I do find myself often making excuses for her as her birthday is 31 aug so she has always been the youngest in every year.
I am now resolved to leave her to get on with it herself and wait for her to ask for help and just give guidence as opposed to actually doing it!
Thanks for your advice

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fourkids · 06/10/2011 20:54

In this house DCs are responsible for their own homework. If they don't do it, they get into trouble at school, and if they do poor, rushed work, ditto.

And if they leave it till bedtime before announcing they have H/W to do, that's tough - they should have organised themselves and done it earlier.

I know this sounds harsh, but the upshot is that, although I'm talking about this in the present tense so it sounds like they don't do it/do rushed work/announce it at bedtime, that isn't the case. The reality is that this approach means they do it themselves, on time and usually to a decent standard.

However, don't get me wrong, if they need help DH or I give it....but never do the work for them, because it is important that the teacher knows what the DCs don't know IYSWIM.

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jetsetlil · 06/10/2011 22:13

Yes i see exactly what you mean and I am doing her no favors at all by 'doing ' her work for her. Just had a long conversation with DH and both agreed to take a step back and leave her to it. I don't mind if her work isn't brilliant as long as she does her best but she just does the bare minimum unless nagged and nagged (and helped) till we all end up pissed off. It has got to stop.

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Jabbie2 · 07/10/2011 06:26

You could be talking about my daughter although she is a Feb born child.I nag her a lot and I get exactly the same, rushed work that is not underlined and the writing is awful.We had this last year too, she didn't do as well in her exams in some subjects as she would have liked and has gone down.This has really upset me but as others have said the teachers need to see what they can do.Unfortunately that is all I think my DD is showing them not what she is capable of as she does not engage with the work.It's a tough one, I get stressed out too.I also get the "I don't know what to do/how to do it" which makes me think she is mucking about in some classes.

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jetsetlil · 07/10/2011 11:18

Jabbie2 - yes they sound exactly the same. Well we have decided to back off now and told her last night. She looked horrified!! We told her she is in control of when she does it and the work she puts in to it - and we are here for help and help only. She kept saying "but I don't know when to do it" and " I need you to tell me" FFS all I ever do it tell her till by the time she gets on with it I'm in a right bad mood.
Anyway I am taking the advice posted above and sticking to it and my blood pressure should go down a bit!