Teen trying weed - what do you do

[50000feet]

just found out my DD14 has been asking around about wanting weed. What do I do?

[fourkids]

does she smoke cigarettes?

[50000feet]

Yes - for about 6 months. Told her I don't like it and if I ever find cigarettes I would throw them away. I Don't give her much money as I refuse to pay for her smoking (and drinking).

[LynetteScavo]

Make sure she knows all the facts about effects and long term effects.

Point out that it is illegal and you won't be helping her out if she gets into hot water due.

Who is giving her cigarettes anyway?

[fourkids]

What a nightmare for you :(

No advice really...sorry. BUT I might (possibly...not definitely, just a thought) be marginally more worried about the cigarettes than the weed.

You'd definitely rather she wasn't using any of the three substances mentioned...but the two addictive ones, the ones she'll find hardest to kick if she gets hooked, therefore the ones she's most likely to regret exploring ten, twenty, thirty, forty years down the line, are the cigarettes and alcohol. I guess probably the cigarettes first and foremost?

And I think maybe if you don't smoke, you are a bit less likely to smoke other stuff...

[pickgo]

God MaryZ, think I'd move if my DS were doing all that. Must have been hell for you. Sympathies.

Re the OP's teen, I'd come down like a ton of bricks about cannabis. Like poster says above, it's not like the stuff we smoked tried 20 odd years ago. It potentially causes so many problems.

My friend is a CPN and says she sees at least one new teen/early 20s patient a week with drug-induced psychosis and it's nearly always from cannabis.

So this is one I'd really react to. Tell your DD it's only for complete losers. I'd also be wondering where she gets it from and do some sniffing around to find out. Then threaten to kill them shop them.

[pickgo]

Glad you're seeing some glimmers of hope there MZ. And sounds like your younger DS has learnt a lesson or two then [simile]

[pickgo]

• hmmm simile? (as daft as a brush?) obviously

[noteventhebestdrummer]

I'm afraid that trying to scare my DS only made weed seem more attractive to him because he was sure he knew best and thought he was able to 'manage' the whole thing and not suffer any ill effect. He was wrong and he ended up leaving home and school after some nightmarish months.

He was also immune to emotional arguments and that upset me enormously.

I think if I were the OP I would be much more tough about the cigarettes and let her DD know that I would report her interest in weed to her school. I'd tell her friends parents what I knew. I'd report any weed use to the police. I'd let her know that if her school kicked her out because of drug use then she'd also have to live elsewhere. Not having a phone/computer to use would help prevent easy access but is not foolproof.

[pinkchoccy]

agree with Maryz scare the shit out of her, weed has taken my son also. All fun at 14 when they start, then the temper tantrums, then the psychosis, then the not being able to function the same ever again. My son 21 and not half the lad he was. Weed has ruined his life!!! He has nothing and is going nowhere very dangerous drug. The effects are heart breaking.

[fourkids]

Oooh, you've all scared me now, and I'll worry as much about the (modern day) weed as the cigarettes, should the time come...not that I'm admitting to anything that might or might not have happened 25 years ago!! :)

I'm not sure what I would do if it was me...but a friend of mine rings the school nurse (I think it would be a head of pastoral care or something at my DC's school), for advice when she has behavioural/emotional issues with her DCs, and the school does aseem to give her exellent advice. They do, after all, deal with thousands of teenagers day in day out.

[summer111]

I would show your dc the posts above - especially those who have posted personal experiences. And I would come down on her like a tonne of bricks. (I too have a 14 yr old dd)

I'm a mental health professional and can vouch for the ill effects which cannabis has on young people's mental health. I find the number of teens/young adults admitted into mental health in-patient units for queried schizophrenia upsetting; many of which began/were exacerbated by smoking dope. The problems are twofold - firstly the drugs that are sold are much stronger than before. Secondly and very importantly is the fact that teenagers brains are still growing and developing. Therefore taking drugs at this age damages a growing brain. (Taking drugs mid life doesn't have this impact as the brain has finished growing).

'Frank' have some great material that you can access online. I know colleagues from our drug and alcohol team visit local schools - why not contact dd's school and suggest that this is something they need to arrange asap. If dd is considering cannabis, you can be sure that she isn't alone in this.

Best of luck.

[summer111]

here's the link to FRANK:-

www.talktofrank.com/article.aspx?id=260

They have a telephone helpline that might be worth calling for advice.

[Tyr]

I can understand why you're concerned but the simple truth is that pretty much anything you do about it will make things worse.
There can't be many teens who don't try it these days and, although a few fall foul of it, the overwhelming majority will come to no harm.
The problem with some of these sites like Frank is that they don't tell kids the whole truth, ie that they will probably enjoy it. By only presenting the possible negative effects, kids will ignore it as many of us ignored our own parents.

[pinkchoccy]

The overwhelming majority do come to harm. Once thay try weed as a teenager there brain doesn't develop beyond that age. They don't mature. My son started at 14, and I thought school would help he was excluded to a unit where the kids there did weed. Things went from bad to worse. Paranoid, steeling, trouble with the police etc etc. No confidence at age 21 to do anything and self worth very low.
He has a friend who has a big habit and cannot function.
Weed is very dangerous.

[Tyr]

Pinkchoccy,

Sorry about your son but you are wrong- the overwhelming majority don't come to any harm any more than they will become alcoholics as a result of a bit of underage drinking.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Hmm. We have just discovered evidence in DS2's pockets of dope smoking - and I have picked up a couple of references to it on FB, so I'm contemplating what to do next.

DS2 is 16, and I knkow his social group are doing a lot of drinking too - and both of these concern me.

I think I will be doing a stiff talking to, focusing on the illegality of it first. I suspect we may need to monitor just how often he is going out with this crowd. As it's the summer holidays he's out more than he would normally be during term time.

I don't know who is buying either the dope or the alcohol - it certainly won't be DS2 as he looks way too young.

It's difficult to know how to really handle this properly. I'm resigned to the fact that they will want to try these things, but I hate the idea of drug usage, regardless of whether it's illegal, especially at this relatively young age.

OP - I'm not sure what to advise you, other than given her age, you can still stop her going out so much/as often? I may also follow your idea of removing money for a while, so that he can't go out either.

[pinkchoccy]

Tyr you are so wrong. This is a big problem and you obviously had no experience of the devestating effects. It isn't just my son the effects have long taken place as he is now 21. You can't see the immediate effects as a teenager its later. Though it does change their behaviour reasonably quickly.
I know so many people not just my son where weed has had devestating effects, suicide, schizaphrenia, psychosis.
One lad whose mum i know aged 30 is now in a mental hospital after using weed all his life. That is just one case I know of.
My son is very similar to Maryz story and it breaks my heart that I will never have my confident, outgoing, clever, gifted & talented son back :(

[50000feet]

Thanks everyone - it's really hard to try and find an answer to what to do. I confronted her and got the usual - 'it was not for me, I don't do it'. Told her all about drug testing if she gets caught by police and how it stays in the hair and that the police will know. Talked about the dangers but did not labour on it - she normally switches off to lectures. I am getting leaflets to leave about the house and her room. She told her so called friend that I had found out and the girl was really nasty to her so I think the girl being horrible had more effect than me. I gave DD a warning of the consequences if I found out she was doing it - the big one being that i wont pay for her phone any more, which she really does not want to lose. My DD is being assessed with Camhs so at our next appointment I'm going to ask for strategies. If I get any I will share.

[festi]

Tyr you are so very wrong.