Easily distracted!

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

My DP has asked me to post on here as he is looking for help. He has a 13 year old DS who is in the top sets at his local comp, but not doing as well as he could because he is larking around. If he is badly behaved at school he gets a 'bad mark put in his diary' by the teacher. This week so far - 4 bad marks. We have tried stopping pocket money as a punishment, as well as the incentive of a meal out at his favourite restaurant if he has a good month. Nothing seems to be working. Can anyone please gives us any insights/ideas to help us deal with this and stop him disrupting lessons and his education?

[mumblechum1]

So is he in Y8? tbh there is usually a noticeable dip in performance in Yr8 as there are no major tests like SATS or GCSEs coming up so they all tend to step off the gas a bit and mess around.

What is the point of a bad mark in the diary? I think the school should put some proper disciplinary actions in place.

My ds spent many lunchtimes in detention in Yr8 then in Yr9 bucked his ideas up for SATs coming up.

The things your DP has put in place at home sound sensible and I don't think they need to be stricter than that.

My approach has always been that sins committed at home are dealt with at home and sins committed at school are the school's responsibility to punish, always with support from us.

If I were youI'd be looking for a meeting with the HOY to discuss much firmer strategies for dealing with misbehaviour in school. A mark in a book is frankly a pathetic punishment for a 13 year old.

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

Useful feedback Mumblechum, thank you.

[somersetmum]

It is Year 8. If there is a time in secondary school for them to chill, it is now. There are no significant exams to aim for, they are settled in to the school and becoming more confident, therefore they ease off a bit. Also, I have found that the teachers tend to ease off during Year 8 too and that the endless homework in Year 7 has changed to only two or three pieces a week.

The bad behaviour is a separate issue. I agree, speak to/email someone at school, either his tutor or head of house/year

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

Thank you somersetmum. This has made us look at this differently. Anyone else got a take on this?
Off to bed now as 2 yr old DD had me up at 5 but will check back tomorrow.

[mumblechum1]

bump for you

[inthesticks]

Agree that year 8 is a time for a dip in performance. I take a slightly different view because I remember my own slacking off at that age and I never got back on track. My approach would be to come down hard and nip it in the bud.

When DS1 was in Y8 his HOY told us during a parents evening that they expect standards and behaviour to slip in year 8/9 and that he would consequently be quite hard on them.
Forwarned we monitored DSs work more than he would have liked and promised him end of year rewards for targets met or exceeded. Seemed to work well.

[thatwasntverycleverwasit]

Thanks inthesticks, have passed comments on to DP.
What does 'bump for you' mean please mumblechum1

[chopchopbusybusy]

Bumping it just brings it back into active conversations so you are likely to get more replies.
At DDs school they have de merits which are just like a black mark in their diary. It means the parents see it as they have to sign the diary and if they have X amount they have a detention.
I've always just told my DDs if they don't work hard at school they won't be able to maintain their current (comfortable) lifestyle.

[brehon]

Notice you say he is in the top sets. Is he getting the work first time? My DS used to get in trouble due to him understanding work in certain lessons and he could not get why things were gone over again (for kids that needed a little extra time). Does he mess about in all lessons or just the ones he's good at. If just certain lessons, would it be worth asking the Teacher to have extra work for him to be getting on with - for merits? Then again, like others have said, highs and lows of education.