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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Members of year group suspended/expelled for cannabis - Year 9 - quick reply needed!

15 replies

Ridgey40 · 09/06/2011 17:38

Just a bit of advice needed - the Head has given the whole year 9 (our eldest DS a lecture today after several boys in his year were caught over half term trying cannabis (all aged 13 & 14). The boys involved have been suspended/expelled and put on random drugs testing.

DS was not involved (of that we are very confident) and actually worked out quickly that these boys were trouble and so does not have much to do with them. But having had a letter emailed this afternoon we feel we should have a chat with him about what has gone on to make sure he knows why the school acted as they did (the drugs incident was during half term and not on school premises).

Not really sure where to start as this is our first time - we've done the standard drugs discussions but up until know it has all be theoretical. Any advice?

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scurryfunge · 09/06/2011 17:43

Very surprised the school took action over something that was out of school time/premises.

Talk to him about implications of drug use in later life -mental health is the biggie with cannabis and also employability.

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Schtum · 09/06/2011 18:16

I don't think I'm surprised they took action actually...

I'm shocked that children this young have access to and are experimenting with drugs. How awful and how sad.

I'd make actually make a list of all the negatives you can think I'd OP and give a lecture of your own leading into a discussion with him and very clear rules about what is unacceptable.

Good luck.

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BitOfFun · 09/06/2011 18:19

Do you have to discuss it at all, if he doesn't bring it up? I am not a fan of lectures at all with teenagers. Brief sidestream chats while doing something together are far more effective, as is getting the young person's opinions and thoughts on it before you steam in.

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Ridgey40 · 09/06/2011 20:01

Thanks - the school is mixed boarders and day and they felt they wanted to make it clear it was unacceptable as the boys all met via school. All the involved boys parents endorsed the school's involvement

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mnistooaddictive · 09/06/2011 20:05

I was about to say it must be private as state schools are not allowed to exclude for possession, only for dealing. I think you need to be honest with him about why some people try drugs, such as temporary good feelings. It is a matter of the difference between shirt term benefit and long term risk.

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tinkgirl · 09/06/2011 20:14

Google FRANK - it's a really good site so you should be able to pick up some hints here but TBH I'd also let him see this site or give him the number to ring them. It's completely confidential but they are very effective.

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webwiz · 09/06/2011 20:52

I think I would have a chat with your DS about what he thinks of the incident. I remember my parents giving me drugs lecture when a local teenager had been caught taking drugs in a night club. I was completely about the whole thing because I was a very sensible teen and it would never have crossed my mind to have anything to do with drugs.

I wouldn't have thought your DS needs anything other than reassurance that he did the right thing by staying away from these boys and by year 9 won' t he have covered quite a lot of drugs education in school anyway?

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tilly3325 · 09/06/2011 22:06

My DS is year 9 and I have been totally shocked at how many kids in his year are smoking and drinking, cigarettes and cannabis. Maybe naively but still really shocked.

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Ridgey40 · 10/06/2011 07:49

Just to update I think it went OK. To clarify the above comment, the only boy to be expelled was the one who had bought and supplied. DS actually did want to talk about it when he got home and had 'self-counselled' with his friends at school in the afternoon - the boy who was expelled was in his day house and they all couldn't believe how stupid he had been and how he has wrecked his record for the future now.

So given that DS thought that the boys had been really really stupid (it was a genuine reaction and not for our sake) we just had a chat about some of the practical things that he could do or say if he found himself under that sort of pressure at a party.

Not sure if we came up with any decent suggestions but we tried!

What 'phrases' do other people's kids use to 'excuse' themselves out of a situation like this at a party?

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RavenVonChaos · 10/06/2011 13:19

A friend of mine used to tell her son to say, "just gotta go for a piss" (not very polite!) and that would give her son an excuse to get out of the immediate situation. Also, he could say he tried it once and it made him paranoid as hell and would never touch it again.

My dd said that lots of people do drugs, but there are as many that don't and no-one really gives them a hard time about it. Here's hoping.

I guess realistically, your son may well want to experiment with drugs and as long as you are able to have open and honest discussion at home (without getting dramatic) then he will take on board what you say.

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ajandjjmum · 10/06/2011 13:22

I remember as a teenager hearing my parents talk together about a family that was in the paper at the time, and how 'it would absolutely break your heart, wouldn't it, if your kids got involved in that sort of thing'. It stayed with me, and I never wanted to break my parents' hearts! Odd how such a throw away comment always stayed with me.

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Schtum · 10/06/2011 13:44

I hate the idea of my two trying drugs.

Some of DD17's friends smoke cigarettes and have also experimented with cannabis. One friend in particular is into it because she gets it from her big brother. My DD sometimes feels left out if they all go off for a fag but I'm more concerned about what will happen when they go off to Reading (festival).

If there's a crowd of them all huddled in a tent passing a spliff around - how easy is it going to be for her to refuse?

I can't wrap her up in cotton wool - she's a sensible girl and a bit of a health nazi at the best of times so I'm hoping she'll be strong-minded and enough of her own person to not do it but I guess she may be curious...

It's hard, isn't it..

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Ridgey40 · 10/06/2011 17:14

It's horrible - I quite like the idea of 'I need to go for a piss' excuse for immediate get out quick!!

Funny, I remember a similar 'it would break your heart' comment from my parents and it worked with me too. I think that this current situation will have a big impact on DS as the mother of the boy who has been expelled is a teacher at the school and he can see her devastation first hand - so hopefully that will stick with him for a while.

Strangely DS commented last night that is aware that two of the boy's parents are quite relaxed and said he was quite glad that we gave him boundaries - quite profound from a 13 year old I thought!

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twoteens · 10/06/2011 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ridgey40 · 11/06/2011 18:22

Twoteens, has it all worked out OK now.

I agree, DS was thankfully not involved but it has meant we are talking about it with him much more openly - and I thought we had an open relationship before.