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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

my friends daughter is sleeping aroung at 13

16 replies

terra · 22/03/2011 00:15

hi, i am new to this but would really appreciate some advise. a very good friend of mine has a daughter (13)at school with my son and he tells me not only that she has been sleeping with numerous boys but now is taking chances by sleeping with a boy with out a condom.
i have a few options, blurt all to the mum (breaking all the trust that my son has given me).
have a frank discussion with the girl - but it is not my place to do this.
do nothing and wait for the fall out!
help!

OP posts:

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BitOfFun · 22/03/2011 00:20

I would ring the head of year at school to discuss your concerns, and ask that they keep your son's name out of it, which they will. I've been in a similar situation, and I felt relieved that I'd done the right thing, as the child was protected, and there was no fall out for my own child.

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Tortington · 22/03/2011 00:29

what bof said

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terra · 22/03/2011 00:47

i said i was new to this, so what does bof mean?
thanks for the reply though!

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fridakahlo · 22/03/2011 00:52

BitOfFun

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terra · 22/03/2011 00:54

thanks

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terra · 22/03/2011 00:55

relevance?

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madwomanintheattic · 22/03/2011 00:58

bof. she posted advice earlier. custy was agreeing with it.

post number two on the thread.

the only one to reply.

bof.

do you believe your son? do you think some of it might be a bit of bravado/ reputation enhancing?

if she's a good friend of yours, i might be tempted to start a conversation along the lines of how grown up the kids are, and how you're worried about them being sexually active. see where it goes.

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MadamDeathstare · 22/03/2011 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

terra · 22/03/2011 01:06

thanks, i am inclined to believe him but rest assured i am not one of those that think what ever they say is gospel, i remember far too well what we were like when we were younger. unfortunately my friend was very sheltered when she was growing up until her 20's. she really has no idea of what the young teens are upto!

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madwomanintheattic · 22/03/2011 01:11

however, my little sister really did lose her virginity for a bet (with her best friend about who would be first ) and i was horrified at how proud she was of herself. i told our mother.

she was none too proud after that.

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MadamDeathstare · 22/03/2011 02:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frenchfancy · 22/03/2011 06:37

I would approach the friend rather than the school. It is not a school issue.

You need to explain to your son that you will not break confidence EXCEPT if someones health is in danger, which is the case here.

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nottirednow · 22/03/2011 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BitOfFun · 22/03/2011 10:53

It's a school issue because it's a child protection issue. They can achieve more through the proper channels than you can hope to on an informal basis with your friend.

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cyrilsneer · 22/03/2011 13:31

Terra, I would not, personally, want to jeopardise the trust that your son has placed in you by talking to the other mother. He may not feel he can trust you, going forward, which would be a real shame.

I agree with BitOfFun - you could place an anonymous phone call to the teacher who is responsible for the pastoral side of things or the school nurse and make them aware that you have heard that there is a rumour doing the rounds that may or not be true. The ball is then in their court to handle the situation.

In the meanwhile, stay close to your son and tell him never to gossip or pass on rumours, judge or even comment about what he hears. Tell him how pleased you are that he is close to you.

Really, well done you and your DS for having a close and trusting relationship.

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terra · 09/04/2011 00:51

thanks for all your kind words. i dont think it is something for the school to be told of just yet. he is still keeping an eye on her but with me trying to translate some of the signs. i feel very lucky that he has shared this with me but it can be sooooo hard when it relates to another child that you hve seen grow up.
thanks