12 Year old son just "turned" over night - I think I have experienced the Kevin syndrome

[Cellulose]

I have two kids, both boys with a two year gap. DS1 is 12 ans DS2 is 10. DS1 has always been an angel. He was always polite, way ahead of where he should be academically, teachers pet, sensible, warm hearted - pretty much a model son. DS2 was always a live wire, always in trouble at school, a little behind where he should be, complete opposite of DS1. Someone once said to me "the tables will turn, DS1 will go off the rails in his teens and DS2 will calm right down". I always thought "yeah right".
Anyway I think the unimaginable has happened.

DS1 started secondary school last september and his behaviour has slowly declined ever since. It started with sarcasm and the odd swear word which I could handle but about two weeks ago, he just changed completely, seemingly over night.

He's swearing constantly, winding up his little brother constantly, delibrately wears the wrong colour socks to school, has become indifferent to his homework (I said to him last week "if you don't do it, you'll get a detention" - this would have had him in tears a few months ago - he replied with "and?") and I heard he was involved in chucking popcorn in the cinema on tuesday with his friends. He would NEVER have done this before.

The two boys went to stay at their grandma's at the weekend and my mum said DS2 for once was a complete angel. I asked about DS1 and she just pulled a face and said "well, I suppose they're growing up at that age and testing boundries" so by the sounds of it, he'd been a pain in the arse there too.

Last night he was making so much noise until gone midnight. I shouted through the wall for him to be quiet as I was trying to sleep and I heard him mutter "soz hard". He then began whistling really loudly. This is NOT HIM.

Where has my angelic son gone?? I also noticed his school planner had been checked and there are 5 boxes the teachers can tick. Unsatisfactory, must improve - Satisfactory but could be better - Good - Outstanding ..... DS's was ticked at Satisfactory but could be better.

[samosajo]

I'm there too....fortnight ago he was in tears because he'd forgotten to put on his tie - this week he's in trouble for taking his iPod into school....and showing round a racy image! Only comfort is he seems no worse than the others, yours included. But what next?!

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

you are scaring me!

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

phew! I do rather like dd who is 11 at the moment - I'm really treasuring the pre-strop years. Musn't rest on my laurels by the sound of it!

[FluffyMummy123]

Why is he up at midnight?

I'd do a deal. So much pocket mo ey a week. In return various standards to be kept to and some extra jobs etc.

How Are you talking to him. Be very strict about making politeness the order of the day

[Hassled]

Agree re picking your battles - you have to let some things slide because otherwise the house will be like a war zone and it all becomes self-perpetuating. But the stuff you feel very strongly about - absolute zero tolerance. He's testing the boundaries - he needs to be reminded what the boundaries are.

Has he made any dodgy new friends? It does sound like a very sudden turn into Kevin - maybe he's just trying to fit in with a new crowd and will settle when he feels more accepted.

Anyway - it will pass. It may take a few years, but it does pass.

[TheSpook]

Agree with Hassled about possible dodgy friends. If you've never had rudeness or backchat before at any level then he is copying it from somewhere. I'd come down on the attitude like a ton of bricks because he's only 12 and will get worse.....

[lemonmousse]

My 12 year old DD was the perfect angel until she started secondary school - now she fancies herself as 'a bit of a rebel' - she got a lunchtime detention a few weeks ago for making silly noises in class - normally she'd have been mortified by this but was very blase about it - thinking it was funny and 'cool'!
I didn't make a fuss - just said it was up to her if she wanted to spend her lunch breaks in. If she was trying to shock me - she didn't.
She's cheeky at home (to a certain extent) but I feel she's just testing the boundaries - been there with DS - let them get on with it is my motto - the more fuss you make the more they enjoy the attention.

[oldqueenie]

don't disagree with the above... but just wondered whether he might be being bullied?

[irishtas]

maryz what if your dont like your childs friends?

my sons friends are a bad influance, since he has started hanging around with them he has become a mean mouthed, mean spirited child.

even though i made a contract with him about rules because he was grounded, he is still pushing and has broken ever rule.

i am at a loss

[irishtas]

when he is grounded he wont disobay what we say,
he will follow rules.
but whever he is with these kids,
his head is off the wall and he is so disrespectful and meanmouthed.

i've just been talking to him about this and pointed out that he is in trouble because he was trying to impress these kids
while they are out having a good time even after they were drinking last night.
because they have no parental guidance.

[Marcus123456]

Hi
I have a 12 year old boy who is a great kid. I am sure all our children are great, but he has got in with some boy at school that is not so great, this boy has been borrowing money from him and also getting him to down load school work for him and printing it out for him so he can take in into school, he is not getting bullied but this kid just knows how to manipulate my son.
What can I do I have tried speaking with my son who tells me its none of my business the other day we had an argument about this he called me a white boy the other child is from Zimbabwe I have met him he is very street wise kid for sure I think the language he is picking up from his new found friend he as also started for no reason pulling his pant down over his hips?
? What?s going on should I go to the school. Or just leave it and hope it turns out ok.
Any ideas thank your I have raised my son by myself from being 1 year old other then this we have a great relationship thank you