Stealing/taking stuff out of the house

[nottonight]

We are having a complete nightmare at the moment with DD taking stuff out of the house to sell. This has only started a couple of weeks ago but it is beginning to effect the whole family, First the old mobile went missing, didn't mind as much as thought it was misplaced in the house, but now the laptop which we bought her in August has gone, DS 8 new xbox games he got for xmas has gone, her bike and now last night my Links bracelet but she had also taken the original box it came in and pouch.

We have a review yesterday with SS, CAHMS worker and Connexions worker, teachers from both schools, DS Head teacher is worried about the emotional impact that conflict in the house is having on him. To be honest we are also concerned but the conflict is only when DD's actions has needed confrontation and cannot be left unchallenged, but DD cannot have a reasonable conversation she just shouts and swears all the time. In the review they felt DD was very unhappy, as all are we, and if you saw her bedroom it reflects her life, she has completely trashed it and despite my previous efforts of putting it right, we get the same pattern. Anyway it was decided that they would carry on and try and work with DD and she agreed to some compromises, however not even an hour from returning from that meeting, she asked if she could have some money to go down and get a kebab for tea. DH gave her £5 and before she went out the door, I told her to be straight back. No - she finally arrived home at 8,45, she would not answer her phone or answer texts, managed to text so called BF who informed me that he had seen her. To see BF she has to get on a bus and then train to the next town. (we have never met him and she would not bring him here, concerned that he is the one instigating getting things to sell as this is the first time in a week she had money to use) when she came in I commented that it was a very long walk down to Sainsburys and she came out with a total different answer to where she really was, did not make much of big deal out of this but made it known that BF had stated he seen her. Here is the big deal, when going to bed I noticed that my Links bracelet had disappeared and asked her where it was, she said she hadn't taken it, but looking for its box and pouch are missing too, clearly she had, no friends or others had been in the house. I feel that this is a kick in the teeth following this meeting. Now considering calling the police to report all these missing things as possibly cannot carry on with this. I already lock most of my jewellery away, hand bag and purse when I come in, but due to stressful life at moment sometimes I forget, I am cross with myself but surely we should not have to go through this in our own house. Has anyone called the police on their child for stealing. I have such a bad headache and too tired to think these days.

Any advice anyone.

[nottonight]

Hi Maryz

I have done all the above. Sadly she does not have anything valuable in her room anymore. Her stereo is broken, no jewellery to speak off unless you count lots of primark bangles. TV is old. We have taken to locking things up for sometime and it sad to say that we do not keep much valuable items out. Even my purse and bag is kept nearby and to be honest is most locked up when I come in and the key on my person.

As regards to SS, I let them know today what happened and the kind of feel sorry for us, but they are in conflict over what DD is doing and CAMHS stating that they feel she is vulnerable and has social communication problems which is affecting her behaviour. They felt that calling the police would be a preferable idea as teens need to learn consequences of their actions. They are keeping a close eye on things and know that we are trying to do all we can to keep her safe. They also agreed that with holding her pocket money is possibly a good idea to try and stop her from meeting boyfriend whom may be instigating these thefts. But as we know teens are crafty and she may well use her lunch money for this or heavens above something else. It just means that the lesson of trying to budget (for her) will have to be put on hold and I will have to buy the make up (not too regularly though). I kind of think there will be grief in this but have nothing else to lose.

You are right whilst it isn't so much about the money, and lets be honest who in these economic times can just go out and replace things, it is about the trust, this is a sore subject because we constantly get from her "you don't trust me or give me a chance", but we try to and then variably get let down, but she does not see this.

[nottonight]

Yes I possibly do believe that it is the new boyfriend. She has only been seeing him since the new year and this is when things started to go missing (what we noticed). Have spoken to SS about it and waiting for the police to get in touch, trouble is we do not know his last name but we have text him to let him know that we are aware that stuff is going out of the house, but did not state the police bit. Hopefully this may do the trick.