Thought I would have learnt by now!!

[toomanytimes]

Decided to have a rare treat and have time off to myself, so I went to the next town for some browsing. DD was going there as well with her friend who has been on a sleepover with us. So DH took us to the train station and I paid for all 3 of us. Made a point of not sitting with them on the train and off they went, not half an hour went past when I get a call to ask whether I could sub her some money (£15.00) and she would give it back to me when she had her bank card on her, so I said No,(reason being, is that I'm not entirely sure that she has money in the bank account as she can not save money at all, had £140.00 in xmas money, £125.00 in cheques and she spent a lot in between xmas and new yr)We have decided that she needs to learn to budget money, so now we will pay pocket money 1 month in arrears, so she needed that money in the bank for the next 3 weeks to fund her weekly trips by train into the next town. So sticking to my guns, came a load of phone calls, tried to ignore these and when I did answer, a load of verbal abuse namely the c word and dickhead, idot etc. So text her saying that she has completely blown it and will get nothing now. DD has a boyfriend and I am sure she is giving some money to him to buy ciggies and booze, have advised her not to do this, partly because he is using her and partly that he is too young. Anyway, she text me later in the afternoon not of an apology but could I buy her some new jeans and a couple of strappy tops from Primark. So being soft (Yeah I know, can hear you all now, saying why did you do that! DH said the same when I got home) .DD was still in town and rang me to meet up, she wanted some new boots and when I said No again, abusive behaviour came out. So I walked off and left her to it. Her friend on the other hand started having a go at her for being rude, abusive etc. Moral of the story do not go into same town as stroppy, ungrateful teenager. It ruined my afternoon out and now I have posted feel slightly better, although still cross with myself for buying her some stuff, but these are going in the lockable cupboard until she can be civil. Rant over.

[GnomeDePlume]

Sorry, got to say it - consistency!

How old is your DD by the way?

[PolythenePam]

So she called you a cunt, a dickhead and an idiot and you reward her with new clothes on demand?

Good luck. You'll need it.

[lollipopshoes]

If you say no to her, you have to let her know that you mean no and that no amount of abusing you, yelling at you and ranting can make you change your mind.

If you carry on buying her stuff after she has abused you in such a way, she will not only never stop yelling at you, but she will never learn that it is not acceptable behaviour.

Stop her pocket money for at least a month and do not reinstate it until she has learnt to be civil to you.

The moral of the story is not not to go to the same town as your dd, the moral of the story is stick to your guns.

[PolythenePam]

God forbid I ever find myself so servile to my own kids.

[AnyFucker]

this is a very stupid post

are you really so clueless ?

[GnomeDePlume]

When you are both feeling calm I think you need to have a good long conversation with your daughter about what is acceptable behaviour. There is no way that you should tolerate this behaviour for a moment.

If you continue to facilitate this type of dreadful behaviour then you are only making a rod for your own back.

[PolythenePam]

Long conversation? I think not!
My conversation under these circs would be very short, I can assure you. And one sided. With me doing the talking.

[AnyFucker]

PP, yes

there would actually be very little "talking" from me too

[GettinTrimmer]

toomanytimes, you know not to give in to her again.

If something similar happens again, switch your phone off and do what you planned - some time to yourself!

Does she normally shout/abuse you like this?

[musicposy]

"Moral of the story do not go into same town as stroppy, ungrateful teenager."

Mmmm. Mine can be stroppy and ungrateful, but I wouldn't let that put me off doing something I wanted to do. I'd take it as a warning to give them a bit less next time. I've found, even throughout their childhood, that ingratitude generally comes from giving them too much - so they expect too much. It might sound strange, but withdraw some of what you give/ she's come to expect and you will get far more gratitude.

There's no way I'd be giving money for it to be given away and spent on ciggies/ booze. My girls have an allowance and it is made quite clear that if I ever catch them buying cigarettes/ drugs/ alcohol, or giving it to anyone else for such purposes, it will be immediately stopped. They know I mean it.

Also, once allowance is spent, it's spent. So there's no nagging me for jeans from primark because they know it's pointless. I just say "You've got your allowance." End of conversation.

I think you could do with setting some basic ground rules, and sticking firm to them, even if you get abuse - in fact especially if you get abuse. You don't deserve to be treated like this - and you don't have to be.

[GnomeDePlume]

I agree with you musicposy. DD1 (15) has an allowance and does very well on it.

None of my DCs have ever sworn at me. If they did I think they are well aware that this would not be easily forgiven. All privileges would be withdrawn and would have to be earned back.

[BrigitBigKnickers]

"Moral of the story do not go into same town as stroppy, ungrateful teenager."

Teenagers are stroppy- it's par for the course however being abusive is not acceptable in any circumstances.

There is no way my DDs aged 12 and 14 would get out alive if they ever dared swear at me never mind call a c*t and a d*k head.

My moral for this story would be very different...