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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

underwear and body issues

12 replies

emmamacca · 06/01/2011 16:25

OK This is a strange one. My 15 year old daughter has become very body conscious in recent months. Basically she thinks she is over weight, she isn?t but she thinks she has some puppy fat and a potbelly. I have assured her she has nothing to worry about. The problem happened just before Christmas when my mother took her out shopping to buy a dress for Christmas. This would have been fine but she also took her to buy some underwear and for some unknown reason she bought her a pair of shaper knickers, the sort like bicycle shorts with long legs etc. Her reasoning was that my daughter liked the dress but didn?t like the way she looked in it so my she suggested some underwear to do the job (she referred to it as a girdle but she is 73). Now I don?t have a problem with this for a grown woman and I admit I do wear such things occasionally (more as I have got older!!). The issue is my daughter now wants to buy another pair and has started to wear the pair she has quite regularly. I thought the lingerie war I would have with my teenage daughter would be about gstrings etc so I?m perplexed and not really sure what to do. I just want her to he happy with her body and not think she has to force it into an elastic tube just yet. It has also led to a falling out with my mother over the whole issue with my daughter and mother painting me as being unreasonable. Ant suggestion would be a great help.

Emma

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mumeeee · 06/01/2011 23:45

I would let her buy another pair. If she fells happier wearing them she will be more confident and also less likely to want to starve herselflike some girlsof her age do

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ZeroMinusZero · 12/01/2011 22:29

I don't have a teen myself but I personally don't think it's the big issue that you make it out to be. Didn't we all have strange/obsessive beauty regimes when we were that age? I know you're worried that it could lead to excessive worrying about her weight but isn't it possible it could do the opposite? Couldn't it be the one thing that makes her feel confident about herself?

That's just my first thought off the top of my head but I know I might have worn something like that at that age.

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maryz · 12/01/2011 22:41

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

walkinZombie · 13/01/2011 16:27

I wouldn't be too hard on your mother, shes is her grandma and probs did what she thought was was the best in what could have been a messy situation.

Many teenage girls go through this, sadly its the world we live in, you can comfort her all you want but the ever 'but you have to say that your my mum' will probably be thrown at u alot right??

take the rough with the smooth, unless there is need for concern I'd let it air out tbh. Until she ets to the age where she has GCSE'sand more important things to worry about.

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emmamacca · 19/01/2011 16:57

Thanks for your replies. In hindsight I may have over reacted but I didn't like the idea that she thought her body needed to conform to a perfect shape and to get that shape she had to force herself in to a pair of big knickers. Anyway after some thought and considering the comments above and some teenage and motherly nagging, I took her to M&S to buy another pair. I had this idea that once there she might see the error of her ways and might just buy a pair of lacy bikinis, but no she chose the most frightening pair of pants they had that went from her thighs right up to under her bra and seemed to have no stretch. She wanted to buy 2 pairs but at £35 a pair I said no! To avoid conflict I said she could have a new bra but we settled on one of those all in one body shaper things as it killed 2 stones with one bird (her words). When we got home she tried on the knickers and said they weren?t as comfortable as the first ones she had. I said for £35 and all the grief she can bloody wear them all the time! She does wear them and my next issue is whether to let her wear them to school, she has asked and I said it wasn?t a good idea.

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mumeeee · 19/01/2011 17:39

Why not let her wear them to school. Noone will know unles she has PE that day.

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emmamacca · 19/01/2011 20:26

To be honest I'm surprised she's not more embarrassed about wearing them. She's in the net ball and hockey team so has to change for P.E at least 3 days out of 5. Thinking back to when I was her age it's a sad fact that if any one in my class had been seen wearing something similar then we would have been very cruel, probably destroying any confidence they gained from what they were wearing. Maybe they all wear them these days so it's not an issue and it's me that has the hang-up.

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maryz · 19/01/2011 21:22

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Remotew · 19/01/2011 21:33

Not sure how to answer on this one. DD has looked at these before but I dismissed them and said they were more appropriate for older women and that she shouldn't need them at her age. That put her off.

I would have let it go for under a special outfit but would advise against wearing them for school. They would feel restrictive, I imagine.

I encourage DD to exercise and watch the amounts she eats and tell her she looks good when she manages to lose a little.

My mum always had 'a good foundation' but I don't know anyone in my generation and below that would wear such a garment.

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emmamacca · 20/01/2011 12:15

I thought struggling in and out and the hassle of going to the loo would have put her off but she seems quite determined. Thinking about it I wouldn't really know if she had already worn them to school. Once she's put on a pair of opaque black tights etc. I couldn't tell and I'm not going down the route of knicker inspection!! I admit I occasionally wear a pair of spanx but I can't wait to get them off after a night out (that sounds bad) which is why I'm so surprised she's willing to put up with the discomfort on a daily basis. As for exercise she plays a lot of sport and we have a pretty healthy diet which is why the whole thing confuses me. I'm not sure if it's a fad amongst her friends, I don't really want to bring it up with their parents for fear of embarrassing her.

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Remotew · 20/01/2011 12:18

Mines 16 and I've never heard of anyone her age wearing one. Mind you we are up in the sticks and fads tend to take a while to reach us.

Most of DD's peers at 15 were stick thin because they don't eat much. Some are putting it on now at 16/17.

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emmamacca · 20/01/2011 12:46

I have mentioned it to a couple of childless media type girl friends my age (mid 40's) and they say everyone in their world is wearing them. I'm not sure I want my DD living in their body obsessed world though. My Mum is from the girdle generation and thinks it's fine. I think she has this old fashioned idea that it's ladylike!!!