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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Saddened by the way people seem to react to teenage boys as if they're all monsters

31 replies

Schroeder · 27/10/2010 15:53

That's it really, there has been a lot of comments on mumsnet lately about teenage boys as if just they are all bullies/rapists/thugs.

I'm worried about how my ds who is almost 12 will be treated in the years to come[hsad]

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offtopooatpaulshouse · 27/10/2010 17:25

Me too

I have noticed how badly people talk to DS1 (13) when they don't realise i'm with him.

He was in a supermarket with friends a couple of weeks ago and a woman bumped into him, causing him to drop his wallet. As he picked it up a woman screamed at him to give the wallet back, saying he had stolen it from the woman that bumped into him! He explained it was his and the other woman verified it wasn't hers and both women walked off - with not even an apology from either the one that walked into him or the one that screamed he was a thief.

DS1 is tiny, smaller than some of the year below him, so not exactly threatning!

Goblinchild · 27/10/2010 18:22

I agree, it's horrible.
My DS is 15 but looks 18, and it's almost always women that see him as Satan incarnate.
Not little old ladies, women my age and younger. Stereotypical nonsense, fuelled by hysteria.
He doesn't have the verbal fluency or emotional understanding to cope with being glared at and shunned when he hasn't done anything wrong.

Stricnine · 27/10/2010 18:22

It's not just boys.. my teen DD noticed a distinct cooling off from the 'local adults' when she moved from primary to senior .. same road to walk down, same houses, but adults stare as she walks past as if expecting her to 'be bad'... when she walked from Primary they said hello!... no wonder some of our teens are disillusioned...

BelligerentGhoul · 27/10/2010 18:24

I teach some amazing teenage boys.

dexter73 · 27/10/2010 21:51

I agree. Currently have 2 13yr old girls and 3 boys over and they are lovely. Very polite and even say hello to me if they see me when they are out! I think teenagers do get a bit demonised when they are (on the whole) really rather nice!

atswimtwolengths · 28/10/2010 13:07

I do, too, BelligerentGhoul. They do tend to be so much nicer than the girls, too.

I have an 18 year old son who's found it confusing that people who used to talk to him now just stare at him as he passes. He's been stopped by the police a number of times, too, just for walking down the road on his own.

One time he was pushed up against railings by a policeman who wanted to know whether in the last ten minutes he'd gone home to dye his hair and shave off his beard (apparently someone had been involved in a knife incident at MacDonalds - this person was black haired with a goatee - my son has light red hair and at that point didn't even shave.)

The stupid thing was that my son actually guessed who the other person was (someone he knew via school), but because he had a truncheon up against him, decided not to tell the police.

mummyflood · 28/10/2010 18:50

My 2 DS's, 17 and 15, have lots of mates between them and I can honestly say that with only a couple of exceptions, they are all great lads. Obviously there has been the odd one or two type ones, but I see them as the exception rather than the rule. Surprisingly, the worst treatment mine have come across has been in the local leisure centre, when they were going to junior gym sessions, where a certain receptionist spoke to them like sh*t. They have had it drummed into them to always have good manners, i.e. please and thank you, etc. It wasn't a one-off so not a 'bad day' situation. You would think someone in that position of all people would be polite to everyone, she must come across young people in abundance everyday. Must just be she doesn't like young lads!

inthesticks · 29/10/2010 15:06

I agree it's quite depressing.The same people who are charmed by your sons when they are tiny seem to find them so repulsive just because they are older.
DS1 has always been tall for his age and at 12 was 6' tall and as awkward,gangly and spotty as adlescent boys are. The first time he went into a shop with a friend and without me, the shop assistant followed them around glaring at them. He was nervous enough as it was without being treated as a thief.
Sadly I have observed this quite often since then, a couple of teenagers in a shop are automatically treated as potential shoplifters.

ledkr · 29/10/2010 15:34

so true. I have 3 ds all grown now but i remember my youngest being off ill from school and came shopping with me. sent him to get some biscuits as i was queing up and an old shop assistant said to him i hope you are not stealing those biscuits. He was 13 and is a very good boy and is a ballet dancer not a bloody thug.I felt so sorry for him as he was ill and wiped the floor with this bloke in the loudest possible voice as everyone watched. He was gutted and didnt even bother to defend himself.
Another of my boys was outside the chippy with some friends and an old lady kicked his bike over for absolutely no reason. He very politely told her that if she had done that to the wrong type og boy she may have found herself in trouble.
Ds and some friends went to Kos 3 yrs ago and one of them died. He fell off the balcony,he was 17. They all watched him die and then couldnt get back for days as no flights. They sorted everything out including the police and undertakers and even informing his family.They behaved impeccably and we were so proud.
The local school where they had all attended used this to illustrate the "dangers of drugs and alcohol" They were all sober and clean it happend in the morning.

cat64 · 29/10/2010 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

greeneyeball · 29/10/2010 19:16

Perhaps time for another MN campaign - Let Teenagers Be.

Shallishanti · 29/10/2010 19:25

ledkr, that's such a sad story
bloody awful that school used it that way when boys were presumably grieving and should have been publicly held up as an example of behaving responsibly.

It's so true, all that's been said- earlier this year I had occassion to talk to yp at several local schools and the way they get treated- especially on buses would not be countenanced if they were any other kind of 'minority'

bruffin · 29/10/2010 21:29

There is a lady in our road who rings the police to complain that there are yobs running riot on the school playing field , she knows full well its the scouts and they have used every Friday for over 20 years, long before her house was even built. She has been very unpleasant about Ds but thankfully they are people who know him and ignore her. She just hates teenagers.
Other than that Ds hasn't come across any glares it he is oblivious to it. He us 15 looks a lot older. Apparently he scared a little York in toysrus today, she thought he was Joe Jonas and hid behind her mother.

tkssss · 30/10/2010 00:59

ywo years ago i went with my freinds to our local pizza hut. instead of giving us the bill at the end the waiter made us pay at the start assuming we'd probably do a runner!

bruffin · 30/10/2010 01:05

How on earth did girl become york. I was mnetting on my mobile.

WingDad · 30/10/2010 01:25

My son (only 12, so not even officially there yet!) was refused a bus ticket one very rainy day purely because he was wearing a hoodie underneath his blazer. Apparently "you look like a yob" is reasonable excuse to deny access

Wasn't too impressed with that one...

ledkr · 30/10/2010 07:51

i saw some boys order some food from local take away last night but then get told to wait outside for it in a very rude way. I told them thay shouldnt buy anything there anymore its digusting. I have worked with yp for 20 yrs and have only ever encountered a few really rude ones. It the way you speak to them.
On the subject of girls geting treated differently,at our local comp(best in the county)thre is a shared path with the juniors where i take my dd.It is opnly wide enough to fit two abreast and the boys always stand aside for me o others to pass. The girls however all dresed to the nines with full make up and skirts to their knickers do not move and despite me being heavily pg at the mo are happy to force me onto the mud. I rang the school to sugest they had a word and the secrerary said"is it the boys?"Enjoyed putting her straight on that one.

activate · 30/10/2010 07:57

oh I so agree

just look at the trick or treating thread with all the oh only primary school aged chldren should do it

Mumsnetters think the only children are their little pre-schoolers (in general) - big shock that they'll all be teenagers one day and just as lovely and confusing and wonderful and frustrating

Society finds teenagers surly and dangerous and it makes me want to spit

ledkr · 30/10/2010 08:13

I darent look. It angers me so much.Our whole atttitude needs to change.I saw a shop assistant tell a ypung boy to take his hood down in a shop. He shouteD "excuse me.Take you hat off!!" in a really rude and embarrassing way. Imagine if he said that to me about not taking a pushchair in or something.They set up a dispersment order here a while back and my ds's got stopped regularly just walking home.Cos they were in a "group"-THEY WERE BROTHERS WHO LIVED IN SAME DAMN HOUSE" went mad at the police and asked if they should all walk in single file.
Cops told me not to be sarcastic.

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 30/10/2010 09:03

you are so right, time and time again I have seen horrid things said about teenagers on here, a lot of the mummies don't seem to comprehend that one day their child will be a teenager.
tbh I have found the teen years the best, DS is 18 now and I love it, we have proper conversations(when he takes the IPOD out) and he is so helpful with his sister,
dd is 15 and ok different cos she has CP, but life is definatley better,

Goblinchild · 30/10/2010 09:10

I take it all back, teenage boys are Monsters.
I left mine home alone for three days and two nights, and he has eaten all the honey, all the jam, all the cereal and all the bread.
We are also missing most of the contents of the fridge.
However the alcohol store is untouched, and he has recycled all the glass, tins and boxes he has emptied.
But what will I have for breakfast?

Goblinchild · 30/10/2010 09:10

Ahhh Gin.
That's the answer.

bruffin · 30/10/2010 09:41

At least he managed to feed himself Goblin, my DS stands staring into the fridge as though the food is going to jump right into his mouth.

ledkr · 30/10/2010 09:43

Having had 3 of the buggers i found a locking box was the answer to the food prob.I did find if they were hungry rather than make some food they would just eat crisps and biscuits untill satisfied. They are all men now and i stil have to draw a line at the cupboard raiding when they visit!!I like to go to their homes now and finish off the milk or last digestive.

Goblinchild · 30/10/2010 09:45

I think he's lived on beans, toast, sandwiches with strange fillings and all the fruit.
He's also got through about 1K of spaghetti.
More Gin please.

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