Hi there
I know my situation isn't as bad as some, but it's getting me down and I don't know what to do.
My son (13) is becoming less and less communicative and helpful, and spending more and more time on the x-box and the computer. All in the living room - he wants a pc for his bedroom for xmas, but I am leaning on the side of 'definitely not' at the moment.
He no longer wants to do the activities he used to do, stating he is too tired to do them.
The bigger issue (for me) is, it transpired this morning that a couple of his teachers have berated him for having a bad attitude, and one of them has told him (in his words) that he has to change his 'whole personality'. I couldn't get any more info from him, he wouldn't go into detail. He was very upset when he was saying this though.
What can I do to try and improve this attitude issue - that he claims he doesn't have but I know what they are seeing - he is stubborn, he struggles a bit with writing although this has improved a lot over the last two years, and when he has no interest in something he has no inclination to work at it.
I am thinking of trying the following things to try and encourage him to socialise and talk a bit more, and maybe bring him out of himself:
-Limit his pc/xbox time
-Eat more meals as a family (we used to have every meal as a family, but this has slipped)
-Take the kids out more - maybe swimming, geocaching - it is limited though what I can do with them - there is no cinema or ice rink here for example.
-Maybe spend more time playing family board games?
I don't think it helps that his dad and I split up some months ago, and his male family influences are not ideal - both his dad and his uncle are faily anti-social. I don't have any friends with similarly aged boys to visit - a positive male role model would be ideal, but they are few and far between.
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How do I improve things?
JeezyPeeps · 17/09/2010 09:23
Yep same 
I'm reading this book
Helps me understand what's going on. It gives you tips on how to get through with these difficult teenage years. It points out how it's more difficult for the angst teen when you have a more compliant sibling in the house- the compliant child will do more to receive praise and the angst child will be jealous of the compliant child. vicious circle.
For instance,in my house now, I've learned not to get involved with their squabbling - when they are squabbling/arguing, I try to put across how each of them is 'feeling' but I do not take sides. If they can't agree and I think it's going to lead to physical stuff, I separate them.
Prob wont have helped you by this one example but saw you have a compliant child Your DS is bound to be jealous.
It really is difficult isn't it.
I changed my attitude for good recently. I went on a course that highlighted 'Emotional Abuse' and I sat very uncomfortably throughout it. I recognised a lot of behaviour and it made me want to cry out loud. Up till that moment, I thought we were doing the 'right thing' with our parenting but we were making him worse.
I've come away a different parent and passed the knowledge onto DH who struggled more than me tbh.
Our house is calm now, no shouting, no name calling, just calm........ The issues are still there but we've set boundaries. They know the boundaries and if they cross them then they are sanctioned. The BIGGEST thing we've learned is to walk away. When we've said what we've said that's it- No more discussion. It's working for us and I'm so happy
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