SURROGACY ROUTES?

[AdoptionDaddy]

My husband and I are are a gay couple looking very seriously into surrogacy - I've approached the standard routes (e.g. Surrogacy UK) and was just wondering how people find surrogates otherwise - considering it's illegal to advertise publicly to be one or to ask for one.

Is there a way anyone can think of that I could at least chat to people considering such a life choice? Feel free to privately message me regarding this.

We live in West Sussex and looking to start a family in the near future!

Kind Regards & Best Wishes

Mr C&C Ward.

[throughtherain]

Hi I am a TS surro currently matched and pregnant. Another agency to consider is COTs, however a lot of us now prefer independent matching. The best way to get into the surro world is chat chat and chat some more to both surrogates and intended parents. Get as much information and make some good supportive friendships within the surro world. This board has only just taken off, however there are a lot of great groups on Facebook. Good luck in your journey! X

[SaltyGoodness]

Did you not have much luck with COTS? I'm just asking because we had lots of good matches from them, it just never worked out for medical reasons. Have they (or SUK - yes the acronyms are a bit misleading) found you any matches?

Good luck

[Beepbeepnow]

I am an advocate of matching independently and not with agencies. From what I have seen agencies offer you no more protection than indi routes and support wise there are some really good facebook groups to make friendships in and be given support.
I completely agree that he best way to match is to chat chat and chat some more. The right match is out there, but you just need to find it. You will know when a match is right, just as if you feel someone isn't for you then also you know it's not.
Good luck in your journey

[AdoptionDaddy]

Thank you for adding your thoughts and experiences We're just int he very early stages of being matched. We're meet her in 3 days (on Wednesday!). Very nervous and excited, she seems so lovely and genuine!

[Beepbeepnow]

Oh good luck with the meet. Hope it goes well x

[AdoptionDaddy]

Hello just to let you all know we're now officially matched!!! Very happy and excited that our very lovely and kind surrogate has chosen us, and we've chosen her.

We start inseminations using our traditional surrogate this early September - less than three months! We could be pregnant before Christmas.

It was actually someone on here who added me into some great private Facebook groups, which allowed us to actually meet our surro.

Thank you to everyone who commented

[KeeperOfBees]

That's great news!!!!

[Freezingtoes]

Fantastic news that you are about to begin your journey. I really hope it all works out for you.

Do you have any tips for finding a surrogate? We have been looking for ages and although I am on some facebook groups I just have no luck. How did you match? Eg, who made he first move to message. I just feel so lacking in confidence as time goes on.

Any tips gratefully received!

Thank you

[mrbaudelaire]

My husband and I are also a gay couple looking into surrogacy - I too have looked at the standard routes (e.g. Surrogacy UK) and saw this thread while browsing the internet. I haveen gearing myself up to posting on here and my partner and I have decided to take the leap.

It would be really good if someone could message me some tips or point me in the direction of these private facebook groups.

Kind Regards Callum x

[bouncingbelle]

Could anyone PM me some Facebook/private surrogacy groups? We are a heterosexual couple and I can't carry a baby due to a medical condition, but we would like to use our own eggs/sperm. We,re in scotland (if that's relevant - lol)

Thanks

[biancsjackson]

Make sure that you get legal advice, even if you have found a surrogate and are being assisted by non-profit organisations. There have been a lot of problems with commissioning parents being ill-informed at the outset and having to spend thousands and thousands of pounds on litigation, even where all parties agree to the surrogacy, because of the law.

[smellyfishead]

Im going to go against that advice. Be aware no surrogacy agreement is legally binding, so it doesn't matter what organisation or agency you are with, they offer nothing more than guidance/advice.

It is totally possible to do indie surrogacy, that way you avoid agency fees which can be very high. the two most reputable agencies are cots and suk.

Bianca- At present there is no legal system in place to ensure surrogates follow through with their journey and hand the baby over at the end, it I purely a relationship built on trust which is why surrogacy should never ever be rushed into- a good surrogate will be patient and get to know her couple really well long before any ivf/inseminations take place. A good guide is 3-6 months to get to know each other, discussing all the things that need to be discussed eg medical testing/abortion/reduction etc before commencing ttc

Despite the media having you think otherwise, surrogacy is very successful here in the uk and there have only ever been a tiny number of cases that have not gone to plan, of course of the hundreds of surrogate births that happen in the uk every year you only ever hear the scary stories.

a national newspaper printed something very recently about surrogacy gone wrong-it was made to read as a recent article but us in the surrogacy community knew who the story was about and the child is now about 9yrs old! so they had dragged up a almost decade old story to tar surrogacy again

Thoses asking for the groups on fb please pm me for a chat.

[Zozozzz]

I completed my own surrogacy route 1 year ago. And now I am a very-very happy mom. More than just happy. I am not sure if I am posting this on the right board, but as the name of the topic is Surrogacy Route I will share my experience of my own surro journey.

My husband and I live in Spain where the surrogacy is forbidden. So that we had to look into going abroad for the procedure. The legal point is very important, there is no doubt. Before starting your journey you must find out as much as possible about the legal part of the question. Thanks God we, spanish citizens, are allowed to do the surrogacy abroad... Because there are some countries which forbid even this. So that my husband and I searched the internet and went to the Ukraine. Because the legislation over there is the most "friendly" to surrogacy among all other countries. We were matched with a nice surrogate and our program started. I won`t be too detailed. Everything was great, we were receiving monthly ultrasound of our surrogate and came to the Ukraine for the delivery. That was the best moment of my life. I mean the minute I saw my babyboy. I am so thankful to our surrogate. She is such a great woman. She helped us so much. And then the document proceeding started. It was not very fast process. But as long as we were not actually involved in it we were okay about that. I mean all the stuff with the documents was done by our program coordinator. So that we were just waiting for the day when we could get the passport for our son and just to go back to Spain. And we did so... I am just so happy about my surrogacy expirience. I am so happy to have avoided all kind of complications possible. There are still some problems. Maybe not even problems but pretty hard moments concerning surrogacy. I mean moral part of the question... But it is something you get sed to. The most important is to become parents :)

[jww127]

Hi everyone - so pleased to find this thread. Just discovering the warm and supportive world of surrogacy as my partner and I (we're both men) have realised we want to be parents. We're going to try for GS with a known egg donor - complicated but we'll see how it goes. We're probably going to join SUK but are also considering ways we might start looking for independent surrogates. So many helpful people out there - we are so excited about what we're embarking on, and like all IPs, already impatient!
Would love to share experiences or get news of events or meet-ups in or near London or online groups or whatever.
Justin x

[SunshineTuesday]

Hi all,

My partner and myself are also considering surrogacy (hopefully using my own eggs and his sperm) but we're just looking for a little help with information gathering. We've looked into Surrogacy UK and COTs but were wondering whether anyone out there would be happy to chat to us/email us about their surrogacy journey?? I wasn't aware you could try to find your own surrogates through Facebook so that's good to hear.

We'd also love to hear from anyone who has experiences of surrogacy from abroad. We're considering America but it looks to be very expensive :-o. I've heard there's a real shortage of surrogates in the UK and that it can take years to get chosen.

Any tips/advice/chat would be really appreciated.

Thanks

[smellyfishead]

Hi sunshine and jww, sorry for the delay in replying but as the surrogacy topic is fairly new I forget to check it!
I don't have much experience of suk, but from what I have heard it is informal friendly club as such, they hold meetups and you make friends and possibly meet a surrogate that way. The way cots work is as IPs you go on a list, for either gs or ts (or specify both if you don't mind) then surrogates pick Ips. Its really important to do a really good profile (background story) as this can greatly improve your chance of being picked. Don't worry if its quite long, tell your story- my ips profile was 2 pages long!

sunshine you cant find a surrogate through facebook as such, as it is illegal to advertise you are looking, but you can make friendships that then may eventually lead to independent surrogacy. Im proud to say someone I took under my wing on here matched fairly quickly and Is now awaiting their baby! You may be surprised and find the situation here in the uk is not as dire as you think
I would tread with caution in regards to going abroad for surrogacy, America particularly as you say is very expensive, both surrogates fees and healthcare charges, also some surrogacy agencies that deal with international surrogacy are not at all reputable. There are some changes going on in other countries such as Thailand and India concerning surrogacy laws and rules, do your research well, be very careful.

[SunshineTuesday]

Hi Smellyfishead,

Thank you so much for your comprehensive advice and feedback. Really good to hear from you that the surrogacy situation in the UK is not dire :-) . It's so hard, as you say, when the only stories which get publicised are the negative ones.

We will keep on with our research and let you know how it goes - any other pointers greatly received.

[Cjf85]

Hi all
I was wondering if anyone could give me the exact names for the surrogacy Facebook pages? Or the best ones to join- I can't seem to find any in the UK!
Thank you in advance
Xcx

[Michey46]

Hi All

I am new to mumsnet, so thought I would introduce myself.
My name is Michelle. Myself and my husband have been trying for the past 3 years to start a family. Due to medical reasons and bowel surgery I had earlier this year, we can no longer have children the usual way. I would be interested in making contact with a sorrogate out there to take us on our journey as IP's. I am based in London and looking for a TS match.

Thanks Michelle

[jimmi123]

Hi, I understand you, my husband and I also plan to enter the program of surrogacy. We were married 16 years ago, when we were 20 years old. Now we are already 36 years old and we have no children. We need a surrogacy for medical reasons. But we also faced the problem that the state does not regulate the issue of surrogacy in our country. And the more so because we are interested in commercial surrogacy. Many forum participants advise us to look for a surrogate mother in social networks. But I would like to know from you, do you really look for the them in the social networks? I'm terribly afraid to do this, I'm very much afraid that we will be deceived. And that's why we are desperate, we do not even know what to do. We are thinking about going abroad. In addition, we have another problem. We need not just a surrogacy, but surrogacy using donor eggs. I do not want a surrogate mother to become our donor. No! In no case! It's just an additional quest and a problem. In general, we understand that it will be very difficult for us to cope with this. What advice can you give us?

[makingmiracles]

Name changed. Where are you in the world jimmi? I can’t really offer specific advice without knowing whereabouts you are!
Commercial surrogacy in the U.K. is illegal, it’s ultristic here although expenses anywhere £8k- £20k are permitted.
In the U.K. most of our surrogacy groups on fb are secret with one as a gateway group for newbies -U.K. surrogacy the foyer- most groups cannot be searched for or seen due to safety and security of its members and one would only be added to secret groups once you have been a participating member of the foyer.

Yes believe it or not matches happen on fb all the time, I’ve been on the groups a few years now and have seen hundreds of successful matches and births so I hope that gives you hope.

Of course if you are more interested in commercial surrogacy this would afaik be America you’d need to look at, most of the searchable groups on fb are American ones so it might help to join those to ask for specific advice concerning going abroad for surrogacy.

Using doner eggs is fine- as long as your partners sperm is used as the baby has to be biologically related to one of you. You would need to find a doner and then you would be gestational surrogacy intended parents, looking for a gs surrogate(who would have ivf)

If I can be of any more help do private message me, I only remember to check these boards every so often!