Decluttered and depressed

(41 Posts)
sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 20:47:07

Hi, I've just spent the day throwing out stuff that I don't love sad It's a good thing I know but I'm so cross with myself for buying crap in the first place.

I shopped the sales and bought nigh on everything that fitted me and was in my colour range but none of it worked in my wardrobe.

Scratchy itchy lambswool jumpers/cardigans (less that £20 so bought 3) shit fabric choices - polyester and sweaty and then to top it all off I raided my make-up drawer and threw out 4 foundations.

I could weep. How to break the cycle of buying for the sake of buying only to hoard it all and feel disillusioned later?

I buy thinking it will make me perfect and then beat myself up for not using it and wearing my crap clothes instead.

Is it just me?

Justgotosleepnow Tue 25-Feb-14 21:22:19

I totally get where you are coming from sad

But I decided I was having an actual midlife crisis & booked a personal shopper (free at lakeside in essex)
Wowee I look great now! Colours I would never have picked, everything coordinates & it's all good smile

Got rid of all the old stuff it feels great!

All from discovering Pinterest! How-to hairstyle instructions, what colours suit me & how-to make up blogs. Marvellous!

sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:28:14

Thanks ever so much for replying to me, I think mine might be age-related too. I'm determined to go into my fifties knowing what suits me and somehow I'm just grabbing everything that comes along.

A personal shopper is a good idea. I'll save up and go for that, I've done it before but always had 'buyer's remorse' at the amount I've spent on stuff that wears out so quickly. I have a £69 John Lewis cashmere jumper that looks baggy after three months shock

I don't know whether to buy cheap and throw out without guilt or buy expensive and be saddle with it forever confused

Thanks again for replying. I'm in a bit of a tizz and really angry and disappointed with myself sad

Don't feel angry, it's an easy trap to fall into. Getting on pinterest and spending some time pinning things you like will give you an idea of the style you want to have and then a personal shopper is a great idea for actually turning those style ideas into reality. As for make up, get coloured matched at a decent counter and then use the findation website to find your colour matches in other brands smile I can understand why you might feel disappointed but lots of people don't yet know their own style and there's nothing wrong with experimenting until you do find it. That's why i recommend pinterest, all the experimentation without the cost!

Bluebell79 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:43:54

I'm always buying clothes and makeup but I never love things for long. I did have a personal shopper session at John Lewis and ended up spending way more than I normally do, only bought the things I loved but after a while they either looked worn out and hadn't washed well or I decided I didn't like them anymore and felt so guilty about the price I made myself wear them and felt rubbish.

Lately I've had a good clear out and I'm buying less, wearing it a lot and as soon as I'm bored it goes and I don't feel so guilty as it's been worn a lot. I tend to shop in fat face, new look, Dorothy Perkins and sometimes next. If I don't wear something new within a week of buying it, usually means I don't love it enough.

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 25-Feb-14 21:45:39

Stop weeping and congratulate yourself at seeing the light! The fact that you now recognise what was wrong means you are unlikely to do it again. x

sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:48:29

Thanks onelittle lady and bluebell. I think a shopping embargo would be good clothes-wise and to wear the things I have until they wear out and I can replace guilt-free.

Make-up I need to use up - I have good quality stuff that is my colour - I just need permission to wear it.

Appreciate your help, thanks. I just got myself into a tizz tonight thinking about the waste and pointlessness of it all. DH doesn't care what I wear so I'm just doing this for myself to feel better.

sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 21:49:03

Good point parsley! I wish I thought like that!!

ParsleyTheLioness Tue 25-Feb-14 21:52:47

Stop beating yourself up woman! Sounds like you can go minimalist from now on. I'm still working on it...!

Justgotosleepnow Tue 25-Feb-14 22:00:32

Don't worry about having a tizz!
I'm having a full on mid life crisis! shock

Seriously though, you gotta see the light before you can change. Sounds like you've done that, so you are on the way up.

Fwiw my DH is the same, but he likes the fact that I'm happier now I don't look like shit grin

You don't always need to pay a personal shopper- try john Lewis or debenhams in-store shoppers.

And yes get on Pinterest!
I will link here in a mo a site that you can decide what 'colours' suit you.

I am a clear winter. This was revelatory to me- I've been wearing all the colours that look awful on me. Oh well never mind. Found this out & the shopper lady agreed totally.

I've sorted the clothes, make up (did you see my post about highlight & contour?) next is the hair & teeth!
(Dying hair back to proper colour then I'm going grey properly!)

Think of this time as a time for change and growth & to leave the old behind. It's all good (albeit a bit scary wearing a line green cardi grin)

Justgotosleepnow Tue 25-Feb-14 22:01:10

And what is this foundation comparison thing? Sounds a great idea!

maggiemight Tue 25-Feb-14 22:17:31

I hardly ever shop in sales because I'm more likely to buy stuff which looks a bargain whether it really is 'me' or not.

And shop little and often, we have few big shops near us, I shoot into the ones there are regularly to see what has come in. Always try on. And only if it is really flattering buy it.

If you go out looking when you 'need' something you will settle for something which might turn out a mistake.

Try to get good boots, jacket/coat, jeans. These are the hard things to find and expensive but it is too easy to fritter money on tops which are ten a penny. mind you I look pretty uninspiring most of the time despite my rules

Justgot findation.com. you add in the foundations you have that match your skin and then it pulls up a list of foundations from other brands that would/should suit based on the info you put in

Corygal Tue 25-Feb-14 22:28:33

Stop beating yourself up OP - everyone falls into this trap a bit. The trouble is that one never knows how any garment will wash and last well, unless you go straight to the megabuck option.

I find I don't know how garments will really work until I've worn them for a whole day - how it will score for comfort, riding up risk, unseemly creasing, etc.

I buy stuff and take it home to try on now, because you get more of a feel for that at home rather than in the weirdy dressing room envt. Then get ruthless at taking stuff back.

Notcontent Tue 25-Feb-14 23:41:18

I also totally understand where you are coming from.
But you are not alone, and don't feel bad.
I went through a long stage where I used to buy stuff simply because it was in sale.
Then, perhaps even worse, until recently I used to buy things just because I felt I had to buy something - and spent lots of money on things I really didn't love at all.
Trying very hard now to stick to the "do I love it" test.

sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 23:53:51

I'm close to tears I didn't think anyone would understand Thanks for listening and all the advice.

FrugalFashionista Wed 26-Feb-14 06:15:42

Hi OP, we live in an inherently consumeristic society where it's really difficult to resist the 'buy, buy, buy!' messages.
I felt depressed yesterday when I looked around in my bedroom. I've been busy of late so it's cluttered up with piles of clothes, books, makeup, most of which I don't need.

I'd recommend this book and the blog 'Recovering Shopaholic' - start with this post. Breaking the cycle of buying is hard but can be done. It involves some soul-searching and trying to understand what you are really shopping for. I've been trying to change for well over a year now and things have improved a lot. Start doing something positive today - return something, continue the clearout, or donate, repair or repurpose something. Most important, spend a few moments doing something that feels enjoyable and makes you feel good. Clothes or makeup really don't make me feel better - time spent outdoors, with friends or engaged in activities that I enjoy do!

I'm going to be less busy tomorrow so I'll join you then in decluttering. I could easily find four foundations to ditch too wink

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 06:19:55

What works for me is to add things to Pinterest (wish list board), then buy from that over the course of the season, including in the sales. I am a ruthless returner of things that don't work for me, too. It helps keep me on track, as I am easily seduced by nice clothes, otherwise.

The things I buy and keep are re pinned to a my wardrobe Pinterest board, and the things returned, or decided against, are deleted off my Pinterest wish list board. All this really helps me focus on what I have and what I like / need.

Good luck!

mcgilly Wed 26-Feb-14 07:50:26

Well done , it does sound like you are at the beginning of an exciting process. And that you've done the really hard decluttering part. Maybe you're worn out and tired from that. Give yourself a pat on the back and a break, then start the next stage when you are refreshed. Sales shopping rarely result in perfect choices for anyone anyway.

Hopefully Wed 26-Feb-14 08:06:32

OP you've done the hardest, crappiest bit now. What is left is to start replacing those things with higher quality clothes that you love, that make you feel 10/10 every day. I really really think that everyone has the right to feel good about their appearance all of the time.

Bunnymother's advice on the Pinterest shopping list is a really good idea - I have a list of only about four things that I really want this season on my Pinterest shopping list, and I probably won't buy much else. Other things have made it onto the list and been wiped off again once I've sat and looked at them for a while and realised that they either aren't useful or don't sit well in my wardrobe.

I actually hardly shop in sales at all - only the odd pair of heels in a brand and style that I know works for me (from LK Bennett) or something from my shopping list that has been just a little to £££ to justify all season. Sales shopping is demoralising and 60% of the time there's a good reason that it hasn't sold at full price. I know there are bargains to be had, but the potential for disaster and the necessary rooting through to find the good stuff are my idea of hell.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 09:41:51

You've all been really helpful, thanks for letting me know I'm not alone and for the practical ideas to help. I will work out what I NEED and make a list.

I will continue my declutter today to make sure I go into March with only things that flatter.

I have a couple of things to ask - my 'slobbing around the house' wear is a pair of tracksuit bottoms from Dash - unbelievably unflattering and old-fashioned to boot! What could I wear instead?

Dresses - I'd love for cotton dresses to be my mainstay for a change but can't find anything I like - where could I look on the High Street for ideas?

I'm 5'6" size 10

Thanks a lot for the pinterest idea - I have started one this morning.

I feel a lot better than I did yesterday - good point about getting out into the fresh air frugal I think I'm climbing up my own backside sometimes as I get so fixated on self, self, self!

Thanks everyone thanks

Mrswellyboot Wed 26-Feb-14 09:46:56

Hello op

I would suggest jersey black bottoms from marks and spencer for around the house. Or black yoga pants.

I recently culled my wardrobe and bought a few basics and feel much better now that everything on my wardrobe is wearable! You will feel much better in the long run. I also thinned out my makeup bag and earrings. Repaired buttons on coats etc.

Can you give stuff to charity so you feel a bit better?

Hopefully Wed 26-Feb-14 10:53:29

I love having nice-ish loungewear - it makes such a difference to how I feel, as I spend an awful lot of time slobbing round the house with the DCs. I love these harem pants instead of joggers (I am pg at the moment, but wore them before I was, and they were a good fit then too). Hush is great if you want to spend £££.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:06:38

They look very stylish hopefully!

The jersey idea is a great one, more fluid I expect than my chunky tracksuit bottoms and therefore more flattering.

I don't want to be too spendy on anything for a while so will avoid Hush for now.

Thanks! I think the slobby part is key to my mood. If I look good while slobbing that's a huge bonus for me instead of feeling guilty and ugly.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:07:58

Yoga pants sound intriguing mrswelly will have a look at M&S too. Thanks!

Aquelven Wed 26-Feb-14 11:09:04

The more I read your first post, the more I thought oh dear, this is me too, so you really aren't alone.
Especially the part about needing to give yourself permission to wear & use the good make up & clothes. I'm so guilty of that.
I have lovely things languishing in the wardrobe but, as I work at home & rarely have need to dress up, I tend to wear the same few tired things. I go to get something out & then think what a waste to wear it today when I'm going nowhere & seeing nobody, apart from the dogs. My school run days are past ( my Dcs are grown & flown) & I live in a pretty remote place.
I have far too much stuff! Most of which never gets used. I really need a kick up the backside to start to do what you're doing.
I feel guilty & depressed about it too.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:12:33

Have a hug aquelven

Although it was difficult it needed doing and now I can start again. Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes.

I literally held everything in my hand one at a time and said out loud 'do you make me feel good or bad?' the bad pile is huge and is going to be donated or tossed. Everything else can stay.

Chin up and dive in - it really helped me on many levels. Today the sun's shining and all is well. smile

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:17:22

I have a 2nd hand and ebay habit, which means that I rarely buy 'an outfit.' I am going to start making a list from now on and sticking to it, as I have lots of lovely separates that don't go with anything else. The other thing I do is buy lovely dresses, but we rarely go out anywhere and I live in jeans confused

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 11:20:36

"Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes" - correct. And no one is better or more deserving of nice things than you. Put on your lovely things and enjoy them.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:21:17

The dress thing is a 'lifestyle' idea for me sunshine I think if I have lovely dresses I can be lovely confused I too live in jeans but hate the restrictiveness of them.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:23:08

Thanks bunnymother I really think I will. I've nothing left that makes me feel crappy!

Today I'm sporting black jeans, red round neck cashmere jumper with a white shirt underneath. I feel fabulous grin

Aquelven Wed 26-Feb-14 11:23:37

Sewbee I'm going to make that my motto, " Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes." You're so right smile
Sunshine I do that too, buy clothes for a life that isn't my day to day reality just cos I fall in love with something.

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:24:12

It is exactly that isn't it sewbee? I think I miss my working days also, when I made an effort everyday.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:26:49

I understand that feeling sunshine, I've nothing to do with my day and a wardrobe full of going-out clothes that I don't wear.

We're truly our own worst enemy at times! Men don't do this do they?

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 11:34:41

Your clothes are there to serve you, not the other way around, and its not hard to lose sight of that, sometimes, I think.

"Men don't do this do they?" Not the men I know well (eg DH, brother, brother-in-law and my dad). Mind you, they pretty much never shop - I find this odd grin

Orangeanddemons Wed 26-Feb-14 11:36:50

I never buy in sales. I never wear anything I've bought from them.

I just ignore them and buy the new stuff instead

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:40:10

Exactly and don't get me started on the tat vintage jewellery, hats and gloves I have amassed over the years eeek!

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:42:35

I feel SO much better knowing it isn't just me thanks

HelloBoys Wed 26-Feb-14 11:43:48

Bluebell - I seem to be like you especially with clothes!

It's frightening and something I don't want to do. I think I do it to fill a void.

I have bought some gems in the past month that I know are keepers but otherwise I really need to think what I buy.

Viviennemary Wed 26-Feb-14 11:55:58

I do absolutely see your point. I've a few things I don't want, have never worn but can't throw them away as I've paid a fair bit for them. I gave a totally hideous bag and tags never even taken off to charity. It cost me around �15 so not that much. But it was a mistake and a waste of money. I try not to buy in sales now. And don't buy things I'm not that keen on because they're quite cheap like the bag.

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:59:02

Definitely not alone sew bee. I am 46 this year, so in that zone too! ouch.

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