I'm scared of people seeing the new me

(64 Posts)
NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 22:42:43

Have you reinvented your fashion style and how did people react? After my DC I gained weight and became a little frumpy looking. I have had a big shopping spree over the sales and have bought quite a lot, enough to ditch my frumpy clothes and reinvent my style a bit.
I will be doing the school run for the first time tomorrow and I'm a little terrified of the other mums seeing me in totally new outfits, scared they will think I am making a fool of myself.

imip Sun 05-Jan-14 22:53:09

I've done something a little similar. After five kids in seven years, I started wearing make-up. I get sooo many comments. Some have been embarrassing (look at you, kind of thing, when wearing higher heel black boots). I think before kids I used to be kind of glamorous, always wore make up, hair nicely done, fashionable clothes; however, five pregnancies, HG through all of them, and crappy sleepers have definitely taken its toll.

The one thing though is that I have put on four or so kilos after dd5 and this time I haven't lost it. It is also mainly on my stomach. I really need to focus on losing this.

What I am trying it do is to make sure I have make up on every day, so that the 'new' me becomes everyday and everyone is used to it. Rather than every now and then and I stand out more.

Good luck. I'm hoping to lose a bit of weight before summer and then go the same as you and get some more clothes....

burnishedsilver Sun 05-Jan-14 22:57:23

Honestly, I think most people will be supportive and tell you look fabulous. Well done. It sounds like you've had a bit of fun in the sales.

I haven't so much reinvented myself as actually started taking care of myself. I have a number of medical conditions, including one which can make it difficult for me to even do the basics like dress myself without help. However, I vowed a couple of months ago that I had to just keep fighting it and actually start making the effort to dress/wear make up/brush my hair because doing nothing to take care of myself was killing my already very low self esteem. I've had plenty of comments, both negative and positive and I just don't let it bother me. Be proud of yourself and shine. You have every right to feel good about yourself so just do it! smile

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:01:38

Thanks, I started with make up and got lots of nice compliments and now I get some comments on my weightloss, mostly good hmm

Feel really nervous of turning up looking totally different, I think they will think I am trying to make too much of myself. My DH likes my new look, it is a bit more egdy and funky and I don't know what people will think. I worry they will laugh at me, either in their heads or behind my back. I think it would crush me tbh.

burnishedsilver Sun 05-Jan-14 23:01:40

Onelittlelady, anyone nasty enough to make a negative comment about someone taking better care of themselves isn't worth listening to.

SinisterSal Sun 05-Jan-14 23:02:11

Oh I know how you feel, I get like this too. Silly really! Generally try to gradually ease new things in, rather than all at once.
Bright and breezy is teh way for you tomorrow 'Oh, thanks just picked up a few bits in the sales,' ...and deflect ...' Have you been?'

Though only horrible people would think you were making a fool of yourself (unless you are wearing a cocktail dress on the schoolrun, of course)

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:04:35

No cocktail dresses, I promise grin and no skin on show either, nothing risque. Much more figure fitted though than I usually wear, I'm not going to hide behind baggy things anymore.

What kind of negative comment have you had One?

Lilacroses Sun 05-Jan-14 23:05:35

Well done OP and OneLittleLady, you both sound brilliant. Absolutely go for it! I bet you both look great. I was ill for 2 years and totally understand what you mean OneLittleLady. After a year I was so low with all the things I couldn't do I thought about something I could do to make myself look better which in turn made me feel nice. I It really helped and people were complimentary and then quickly got used to it.

Burnished you are right. I just let it go, I don't have the time or the energy to get into it with people.

Nordic making 'too much of yourself' is a ridiculous idea. Why should you not want to look great and fabulous every day? ignore anyone who makes any kind of negative comment about you, you don't need their approval. If you like it, that's what matters and as an added bonus, your DH likes it so you must be doing something right smile

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:10:13

My DH even said I looked 'hot' when I tried it all on after going shopping blush Bless his heart, I could have cried.

Catsofa Sun 05-Jan-14 23:13:09

If someone started wearing cocktail dresses on the school run I would think they were absolutely completely bloody awesome. Am I weird?

I can't get my hair cut, literally, from one year to the next because I can't handle the day that everyone sees it and comments about how nice it is.

If I knew you and noticed you change your look, regardless of if the new look happened to be to my taste or not (which who cares? If you're confident in it then it obviously does it for you, so well done you!) I would want to sidle up to you and ask you to talk me into a drastic new hair cut.

Sorry missed you post asking what kind of comments I've had nordic

Comments have ranged from 'don't you think you're too...ahem, rounded for skinny jeans?' to things like 'don't you think you ought to be dressing your age now you're 30?' these are comments from supposed friends as well. I just smile and change the subject, I see no reason that i should justify what I choose to wear and am comfortable in.

Nordic your DH obviously likes your new clothes to say you looked hot!

buttercrumble Sun 05-Jan-14 23:17:35

Go for it ,well done smile

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:17:38

shock One, I can't believe that someone said that to you.

My worst fear is someone saying something along the lines of 'don't you think you ought to be dressing your age now you're XX?' I can't think what I would say if someone said that to me, I'd cry I think blush

SinisterSal Sun 05-Jan-14 23:19:31

God I can't imagine someone saying that, the cheek of it.

Well they're just opinions. No more likely to be correct than your own opposing opinions. Who made them the oracle?

I honestly think there's really no age limit on clothing, as long as it fits you properly and suits your body shape I think anything goes. I don't understand people who think that once you reach a certain age that certain clothes are off limits.

Nordic don't worry about what other people think, like I said, you don't need anyone else's approval. All that matters is that you like, are comfortable in and enjoy the things you wear. Anyone who laughs or thinks that their negative comments are needed, needs to get their heads out of their arses and grow up!

funnyvalentine Sun 05-Jan-14 23:22:55

Practise a breezy "Thanks, thought it was time to smarten up again now the kids are at school" with a big smile smile the biggest key to pulling off a new look is to feel (or at least look) confident about it yourself.

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:24:23

I lost all my confidence in the years I've been at home with the DC, I lost all sense of my own value and worth.

By taking the time to look after myself its like I'm trying to show that I'm worth something again, but I'm worried that I'm not really worth anything at all and that people will see right through my new image and think I'm making a laughing stock of myself.

I haven't bought anything fashion victim or anything, mostly some bits from Dorothy Perkins and H&M so it is hardly out-there fashion wise.

I need to pull myself together!

tanukiton Sun 05-Jan-14 23:25:12

Isn't kate moss near 40? Shit ! I was still single and childless at 30, short skirts and hot! Now I am fatter and 40. BUT I am in the process of change! Good bye frump hello fabulous. You rock it and enjoy. Some people don't like change they like the comfort of things being the same. So only hear the good and ignore the bad.

Nordic it can be hard when your self confidence has taken a battering, for whatever reason. However, you ARE worth something and you ARE valued. You are just as special, important and worthy of care as the next person and don't you forget it! smile

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:30:13

Thanks One

burnishedsilver Sun 05-Jan-14 23:30:36

If so called friends make nasty comments, new friends, as well as new clothes, should be part of the make over. That's no way to treat people you care for.

Onelittlelady, I'm shocked.

Burnished I was shocked to be honest. I have carefully distanced myself from those people now and feel much better for it. I think whatever I'd done, they'd have been negative about it and it's taken me a long time to see that but now I have and have taken steps to remove myself from their negativity, I feel much better

funnyvalentine Sun 05-Jan-14 23:34:44

Everyone is worth something! And anyone who thinks otherwise isn't worth worrying over.

There's a great TED talk about confidence - google 'TED fake it till you make it' and you should find it.

NordicHousewife Sun 05-Jan-14 23:36:07

I'm going to go upstairs and plan my outfit for morning, make sure it is something that I can feel good in. I need to find some confidence, wonder where the hell it went? I did had some once.

cardamomginger Mon 06-Jan-14 00:06:00

I've had a lot of ill health and major surgery since having DD 3 and a bit years ago. For much of the last 3 years I have felt like shit with zero self-confidence and, although I haven't necessarily looked ill as such, I've felt that I looked pretty rough. It's been a really black period for me, but little by little I started making changes and it's really helped me feel better about myself and more confident. To start with I decided I was going to wear perfume every day. Then it was ditching the tracksuits. Then getting skin care sorted (that made a huge difference!). Then a new hair cut and making sure my roots didn't show. I've been well enough to exercise for about 6 months now, and that has also made a big difference to the way I experience and view my body (and to how it looks - I have a defined upper body - bloody hell!!). I'm now wearing clothes which make me look good and which I feel confident in and am following the MN 'rule' of not saving things for best. My resolution for 2014 is make-up every day.

Sometimes it's big steps and sometimes it's little steps. Anyone who knocks you back isn't worth bothering with.

peacefuleasyfeeling Mon 06-Jan-14 00:22:04

Hi there, Nordic, and well done you, I'm sure you're positively sizzling! Does " Jante lag " and " Du ska inte tro att du är nåt... " ring any bells, by any chance (ideas which effectively put people in their place in Scandi-land; who do you think you are / don't get too big for your boots kind of thing, but really insiduous and pervasive in the north where I'm from and making this kind of thing potentially problematic...) ? I'm so pleased on your behalf, it sounds like you are now where I'm hoping to be after the summer sales perhaps smile. Although I hear your worry I would urge you to take heart from all these lovely posts and enjoy your school run tomorrow, knowing how nice you look! Hurrah!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 00:38:23

Thanks for all these comments, they really help.

I've put together an outfit for tomorrow with the new things that I feel best in. DH thinks it's good, I've given myself a talking to and I'm practicing my breezy responses to any comments I may get.

I'm expecting comments on my weight because without all the baggy stuff I look like I've lost weight even though I haven't in ages.
Hopefully people will just talk about Christmas and what they did.

helzapoppin2 Mon 06-Jan-14 08:42:37

Go for it! I love to see people trying out a new image. All power to you!

TheBuskersDog Mon 06-Jan-14 09:07:33

If you are self-conscious about looking very different from how people are used to seeing you make the transition gradual, if you are usually in a baggy jumper and jeans start off with a 'better' version, well fitting clothes and a bit of make-up, a sort of scrubbed up version of the old you. Then you can introduce different looks, people will soon get used to you varying your look and won't comment, unless hopefully to compliment you.

In my experience, at work and as a mum at school, there are some of us who wear lots of different things and people just seem to say when they think you look nice or like a particular item, then there are some people who wear the same things day in day out and others make a big deal of it if they wear something different, which can lead to them being too self-conscious to change their look. Others will soon get used to you being someone who dresses in different ways and won't feel a need to make a big fuss because you wear a dress or whatever.

BloooCowWonders Mon 06-Jan-14 09:10:38

Not sure where you are, but round here all I'd see would be long coat, boots and probably a hat! I wouldn't have a clue what's under all the outer layers!

Def agree with taking it gradually if you're not feeling so confident.

purrforagoodkip Mon 06-Jan-14 09:23:09

Has the school run happened yet? Did you survive without your body armour of baggy clothes to hide away in? I'm really really hoping that you felt awesome, and comfortable. A few months ago I wore leggings and a pretty jumper to a baby group, with full make up, and I half expected someone to pull me aside and say, 'now, listen, I can see what you're trying to achieve, but you're embarrassing yourself, stick to the baggy jeans and hoodies, ok?' no one did and I felt really good all day.

FergusSingsTheBlues Mon 06-Jan-14 09:23:30

Once, a few years ago, I lost seven stone ... As you can imagine I was unrecognisable, but it was great discovering a new style etc and all the comments I had were positive (although there were a few mutterings about anorexia, but that was understandable given i lost all that weight in six months).

By and large the comments were very positive and my self esteem went through the roof....it ain't all bad. I think most people are pleased to see others transform themselves. And the payoff in terms of confidence is worth it even if you get the odd barb.

ToniViolin Mon 06-Jan-14 09:30:49

Please don't lose heart in this before you even get started OP. It sounds fantastic that you have turned things round for yourself.

I don't understand the motivations of such horrid people One sad

Most people are nice. They are.

I'm sure you look fab OP smile

I wore lipstick on the school run and I got 'Ooooh have you got a boyfriend' grin so I definitely think that the key is to let people get used to you x

Chewbecca Mon 06-Jan-14 09:35:46

Oh, I do sometimes comment sometimes on people's changing appearance. One mum at school has starting exercising and lost weight and is clearly shopping lots.
I have regularly said 'you look fab' or 'love the top, is it new' etc.

It is meant purely to acknowledge the effort put in and admire her.

I hope it went well this morning.

Snowdown Mon 06-Jan-14 10:01:50

I live in a very conservative town but I'm naturally drawn to the edgy, I think my style unnerves people slightly, it did before children and then I lost my way and dressed like all the others in frumpy mumsville. I lost 2 stone and on returning to the real me, I felt the dread too, I hated people commenting on my appearance, often in a really over the top way, I just find it quite embarrassing. I got a lot of - "wow, don't you look very dressed up - where are you going?" Which I worried actually meant "a bit much for the school run" but they eventually got used to the new me and the comments became less frequent and tbh I just got used to hearing them again.

And despite the comments I feel so much better about myself and I love the clothes I wear, what other people think doesn't matter so much anymore. So be brave and be you!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 10:23:04

Thought I'd come back to update. It was ok, no one laughed, so relieved.

A few mums did that thing where they look you up and down and you feel an inch high, a few more said comments like 'you look good' and most just asked about my Christmas thankfully. Another mum had a new handbag and coat so I complimented her on them to draw attention away from me cunning plan

Snow "I live in a very conservative town but I'm naturally drawn to the edgy, I think my style unnerves people slightly, it did before children and then I lost my way and dressed like all the others in frumpy mumsville. I lost 2 stone and on returning to the real me"
That could be me talking, I used to be a bit more edgy and then went all frumpy and didn't feel myself at all. Now I've lost all the weight I want to go back to being me again.

I need to try to find some confidence though, because this morning was harder than it should have been, its only clothes ffs!

So thats it now, no going back. I need to find the courage to bag up all my dreary baggy clothes, take them to the charity shop and embrace the new me grin

Chewbecca Mon 06-Jan-14 10:26:32

Brilliant, can only get easier now. Get rid of those old clothes now the children are back in school!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 10:30:39

The next scary thing will be letting my family see me in my new style. They are the say it as they see it type and usually hold nothing back.

My family can be a bit mean in the name of being funny, they think it is gentle ribbing but really I'm always the butt of the joke, it stopped being funny a long time ago.

Christ, I need to shut up moaning, this is S&B not relationships!

cloudskitchen Mon 06-Jan-14 10:37:33

Nordic I haven't read through all the comments but quite frankly who cares what the others at the school gate think. The positive comments will come from the people who are genuinely pleased for you. The negative from the green eyed monsters that would so like to reinvent themselves but don't know where to start. Go in with head held high like its any other day and rock your new look grin

cloudskitchen Mon 06-Jan-14 10:40:20

Sorry I should have read the end of the post first blush as for your family, if they have a habit of talking to you this way hmm then don't take it seriously. If you are happy with your new look that's really all that matters.

JimmyCorkhill Mon 06-Jan-14 11:02:20

I'm so glad it went well for you smile

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have become very frumpy since being pregnant with and having DD2. People have only seen me do the pre school runs with DD1 pregnant or in the newborn stage, make up free, rubbish clothes and hair scraped back. I'm now at the stage where I can make much more of an effort with my look but I'm really self conscious because they've only ever known the frumpy version of me.

I am really cross with myself because I'm a SAHM and can wear whatever I want, have my hair however I want, get multiple piercings if I want I don't! as there is no dress code...but I remain the same old boring me.

I think it's perfectionism. If I look like a scruff they know I have made no effort but if I dress better and they don't like it, then I have made an effort and got it wrong blush It's so silly.

There is a mum at preschool who started wearing red lipstick before Christmas and, yes, I did notice. But I thought good on her. She looks great. I must start making more of an effort myself.

Thank you OP, you have given me some confidence. It's also reassuring to know that I am not the only person to feel this way.

Snowdown Mon 06-Jan-14 11:06:51

I think wearing a bit of make up is a great way to start the exit of the frump. Not too big of an investment...it spurs you on....and leads you gently into the change from moth to butterfly.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 11:09:32

Jimmy Your post really connected with me. Facing the people who have only ever known the frumpy version of me is the hardest, you're right.

And this bit you described is exactly how I feel, like I'd be failing.
"If I look like a scruff they know I have made no effort but if I dress better and they don't like it, then I have made an effort and got it wrong"

Lambzig Mon 06-Jan-14 11:25:28

Please remember if anyone makes nasty comments it's because they are jealous or feel insecure themselves.

Someone I worked with who had always been a bit of a slightly mumsy dresser, suddenly came into work with a whole new, much younger look. I told her she looked amazing (she did), but must confess to feeling a bit envious. It did kick start me to lose some weight and get some new clothes myself, so maybe you will inspire someone else's makeover.

SecretLimonadeDrinker Mon 06-Jan-14 11:41:19

Well done lovely, I'm glad it went well, ignore any negative comments, says more about them then it does about you.

I'm currently work in progress but do feel the urge to hide away from comments/looks bil gf is a master at this and she is v insecure about her appearance, still upsets me far more then it should.

Great idea to get rid of anything that doesnt make you feel good, you sound fab and glad your new image reflects this.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 11:46:55

I'm meant to be doing some work today, but actually spent all morning finding some fashion blogs to give me some inspiration. Quite hard to find!

StyleOverSubstance Mon 06-Jan-14 14:52:23

Think it depends on who you are with - for people I have met since having children, eg playgroup mum friends, school playground friends it would feel more difficult because they didn't know the old me, so I would definitely feel more self conscious around them as for them it would be more of an obvious change from how they are used to seeing me.

For other people, family or long-standing friends from pre children, less of a problem as they would just see me going back to how I was before I had a family and had more time/money to spend on myself.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 15:40:30

Just done the school pick up and had one 'you look different' which was said with a sort of bemused face, and one genuine sounding 'you look lovely, did you get some clothes over Xmas?'

So that's it done, they've seen me now, they world didn't end grin

RockMummy Mon 06-Jan-14 16:08:57

Well done Nordic. Glad you stuck with it and didn't bottle out. You deserve to look fantastic and people need to deal with their own insecurities rather than project them on to you!

lilaloves Mon 06-Jan-14 16:12:19

Nordic, I Don't know about looking lovely but you certainly sound lovely

rookiemater Mon 06-Jan-14 16:21:04

Goodness I'm bemused by all these people that make comments on what one is wearing on the school run. Usually I'm in my cycling gear, having pelted it from work to make it there in time.

I may have gone so far as "You look nice" or "That jacket looks cosy" and I get the odd comment when I wear my pink coat "Good to see a bright colour in winter" but that's about it - I'd fall over in shock if someone mentioned if I was wearing lipstick or not.

See to me the key thing is that most people don't notice or care what you wear. I'll make a positive remark if I see something I like and do occasionally ask where people got things, but anyone remarking negatively about your clothes and appearances are the ones with the issue - not you.

Anyway glad the school run went well.

Curioustiger Mon 06-Jan-14 16:26:08

I went back to work a stone lighter and with an entirely new wardrobe. I am hugely confident ... Sometimes over confident!... And even I felt conspicuous. You just have to style it out at first. Then it very quickly becomes the norm. Then you won't be able to believe the way you used to dress (eg in my case all in black! Every day!)

tuggle Mon 06-Jan-14 16:32:24

As someone who cares too much about what others think of me, I say do what makes you feel good.

I do not have wardrobes and wardrobes of clothes or dress in up to the minute fashion. However, I make an effort even for the school run. It makes me feel confident when my hair and make up look good.

I am sure you will receive compliments. Do not worry about the mother(s) who choose to say nothing there is always one.

JimmyCorkhill Mon 06-Jan-14 18:13:37

I wore make up to do the pre school run today because of you Nordic and I even reapplied my lipgloss before collecting DD at 3pm grin

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 18:32:51

Rock You're right, people do need to deal with their own insecurities rather than project them on to me, I have enough of my own already grin

Curious You've hit the nail on the head there, I felt very conspicuous indeed.

Rookie I do a double pick up and drop off at two places so there is always hanging about to be done at the second one, waiting for the gates to open. Whilst we are all hanging around waiting usually there is nothing more than chit chat and that is when there are comments about a new coat or shoes, I think mostly people are just passing the time.

Jimmy grin I bet you looked fab, good on you!

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 18:33:28

And Lila, thanks!

OBehaveMaeve Mon 06-Jan-14 18:40:48

introduce the items one at a time!

But honestly, good for you. I'd just say "it was about time I got some new outfits!"

OBehaveMaeve Mon 06-Jan-14 18:41:42

I don't know how some people pick their friends! I'm always delighted when my friends emerge like little butterflies from baby-induced frumpery! I love it.

NordicHousewife Mon 06-Jan-14 18:46:21

TBH none of them are friends, just school run acquaintances. They don't really know me at all, think my very few friends won't bat an eyelid!

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge Mon 06-Jan-14 19:08:05

Rather than reinventing myself I'm scared of being myself and wearing what I did before life getting shit got to me!

JimmyCorkhill Mon 06-Jan-14 19:48:12

I'm always delighted when my friends emerge like little butterflies from baby-induced frumpery!

I love this image grin

Rubybrazilianwax Mon 06-Jan-14 21:50:34

You walk into that playground, swish your hair and say 'its because I'm worth it'. Well maybe not quite but seriously don't give anyone negative a second thought. I love to see someone in something nice and always compliment people. Its also a good conversation starter.

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