Can I be stylish if I am fat?

(37 Posts)
Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 15:49:15

A bit depressed at the moment due to inability to lose baby weight -baby is older than 6 months by the way. Gained a massive amount of weight during pregnancy so none of my clothes fit and have unsuccessfully tried to diet several times, lost a bit and then gained it all back.

So now I have decided to leave the diet for later and concentrate to look good as I am now. The problem is that being size 20 (tight) nothing fits well and I still look 7 months pregnant. Is it a waste of time to try to find flattering clothes and looking good while I am this big and have this shape (huge wobbly tummy)?

I have colored my hair, trying to wear make up and use perfume but it all feels useless. Worse of all, I am embarrassed to go out and meet friends because I am self conscious of how I look. Have just bought a pretty top and jeans online but I am almost sure they will look bad but wanted to try anyway.

I wish I had the will power. I have an important work meeting in a couple of months and I am already dreading it....

Any tips that can make miracles happen?

Thanks!!

Hopefully Thu 26-Sep-13 15:59:05

Of course you can! Start by buying clothes that fit, not ones that you are squeezing into or that swamp you - neither will do you any favours. Buy a small selection of clothes that fit in a palette that goes together, and add a few accessories/scarves.

However, if you are that miserable about your weight, it might be worth trying something new to solve it, long term, rather than having a short term diet aim that doesn't seem to be working for you. Maybe think of gradually reducing portions/refined carbs, rather than deciding 'this week I am on a diet and need to lose 2lbs per week' or whatever. <so much easier said than done>

persimmon Thu 26-Sep-13 16:00:58

A good friend once said to me that your weight 'is what it is'. So you're overweight at the moment. It's not a crime. Accept that you are fat and decide to do something about it, for YOU. Because you care about yourself and you want to be healthy.

As for style, keep doing stuff to make yourself look and feel your very best. If you don't, you're sending your subconscious the message that you are worthless, so why not overeat?

I have no magic secret to impart about weightloss other than do out of love for yourself, not disgust. You're still the same person you were before you gained weight. Good luck.

Rooble Thu 26-Sep-13 16:02:56

There is a woman at my gym who is probably your size and always looks amazing. She is tall, which is helpful, but wears good quality, well-cut clothes, often dark-coloured trousers and a simple top. Her make-up is invariably immaculate.
She is always looking happy and confident and this is the biggest factor, I think, in how good she looks.

There is no law saying that within x months you should revert to your pre-baby size - your head needs to be in the right place, and beating yourself up won't help. (I suddenly found the motivation to lose the 2.5 stones that I'd acquired, and hated myself for, when DS started school.)

When you're ready, you will do it - in the meantime you need to feel proud of yourself, recognise that you might be a slightly different shape than you were before, so might suit slightly differently shaped clothes - maybe a session with a personal shopper might be an idea?

Good luck with it

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 26-Sep-13 16:07:26

If you gained a massive amount of weight during pregnancy OP it may be worth asking your GP for thyroid blood tests. It was pregnancy that triggered my underactive thyroid.

Captainbarnacles1101 Thu 26-Sep-13 16:12:15

Hiya Renovating
You could have been me 6 months ago. My baby is now 20 months! And I'm still carrying 3 stone of "baby weight" I joined slimming world about 1 month ago and have lost almost a stone. In the mean time I have smartened myself up and try to make an effort with my makeup and hair plus and this is the important bit I am walking proud! I am working on my confidence and every night I try to reflect on what is good in my life. It sounds arty fatty but man it so works.
Sending u lots of warm friendly thoughts. Good luck x

festered Thu 26-Sep-13 16:22:32

Yes you can be stylish and fat-absolutely!
But it's hard to be stylish if you don't feel confident.

BE confident-you've had a baby! Look after yourself and love your body and treat it well. Diets don't seem to be the right thing for you.

The best advice I heard when I was trying to lose weight was;

'Okay if I magicked your weight off now, and you were the size you wanted to be, what would you behave like toward your body?'
I said 'Oh that would be amazing, I would be so careful, I'd make sure I exercised and ate healthily and make sure I NEVER became overweight again!'
And she said to me, 'Okay behave like that NOW'.

Act like a slim person, treat your body as if you love it and want to give it quality fuel, and the weight will drop off.

Walk tall and keep your posture good, and act confident, and no matter what you're wearing , you'll look a lot better in it than if you're acting the opposite.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 26-Sep-13 16:42:57

I just started the 5:2 diet yesterday OP, and though my first fast day felt a bit brutal this is a diet I could see myself sticking with longterm, because anything you want to eat you can have, as long as it's not on one of your two fasting days.

The forum is here if you want to have a look www.mumsnet.com/Talk/fasting_diet

Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 16:44:26

Thank you so much for the kind words!! They made me cry a bit : ) I agree that it has a lot to do with confidence. I used to be a very confident person and would like to bring that back. Apart from the extra weight, I am surrounded by wonderful things in my life: loving husband, really beautiful children, good prospects in my professional life, close family, nice house.... But somehow I feel I cannot enjoy it because I feel ugly and out of control.

Thank you for the good advice. I hope that when I am ready I will lose the baby weight, it happened last time. I know very well what caused it: lots of food and chocolates : ( meanwhile, I will get some nice clothes. I was resisting to spend money in big clothes but it is true that my weight is what it is. I have always been a yo yo dieter and my closet is like a shop: clothes from size 10 to 20.

Will try the scarves and other accessories that I can keep regardless of size. Thanks again for replying so kindly and for the good wishes!

mrsharrystyles Thu 26-Sep-13 17:09:16

I'm in the same situation as you, except that my youngest son is 20!! I have put on loads of weight in the last six months and it is making me miserable. I'm an ever expanding size 18. I feel that being this size has sucked all the joy out of my life.
So, I have decided to love my body, very hard thing to start doing, and eat 3 healthy meals a day. I refuse to get stressed about it as that makes me dive into the chocolate.
Good luck. It will come off. Meanwhile dress the best you can, it will make you feel much better.

SundaySimmons Thu 26-Sep-13 18:13:35

Are you mad? Andre Leon talley is fat and a man and he is possibly one of the most stylish people on the planet!

Style is about the way you wear your clothes not just the clothes on thei own. Confidence, originality and how you carry yourself. Head high and walk like the pavement is your cat walk!

ArtDecoGirly Thu 26-Sep-13 18:17:43

I'm feeling the same way, OP! I've put on about 8lb since April and have gone up from a 12 to a 14 (I was a size 6/8 10 years ago...sob), I'm the biggest I've ever been and need to nip it in the bud before I put more on. I'm constantly on the verge of tears and somebody stopped me in the street yesterday and asked if I was pregnant!! (My b/f was not happy!!) Today, for the first time ever, I've bought some big tummy-holdy-in knickers. Not a solution, but gives me a little bit more confidence until my diet starts taking effect. I agree with another poster...don't wear a "tight" anything, get clothes that fit nice and it will help loads to add to the overall stylish look, no matter what size you are, ill fitting clothes make anybody look worse smile

Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 18:38:56

Oh ArtDeco, that happened to me recently. Went out with my sister who is 8 month pregnant and the shop assistant trying to be friendly said "how lovely that you are both pregnant" I just nodded and smiled but could have cried!

Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 18:39:52

Who is Andre Leon? I need to find out!!

Sammie101 Thu 26-Sep-13 18:46:03

Of course you can, you just need to work on your confidence!

Google "honorcurves", she's an Instagram poster who is so inspiring. And also "tessmunster", a plus plus size model and creator of "effyourbeautystandards". These women have given me so much confidence in my own skin to see that no matter what number is on the inside of your clothes, everyone is beautiful. Sounds cheesy but whatever grin

ratbagcatbag Thu 26-Sep-13 18:50:24

I'm more stylish now at a size 16 as I rock with confidence than I ever was a size 12. I lived in black baggy clothes, now I wear dresses, skirts, fitted tops etc. one thing that helped massively was getting a fab fitting bra, once your boobs are in the right place clothes look a lot better. Bravissimo nailed it for me. smile

I'm stylish and I'm definitely fat! Don't beat yourself up over not losing weight the way you think you should. If you're really unhappy, it shows so the most sensible thing for you to do is remember, you are the same person you've always been, a stone or more extra doesn't change that and you will lose the weight when you are ready to, which will be when you are in a positive state of mind and are ready to commit to a sensible eating and exercise plan that is sustainable. fad diets will do you more harm than you realise as they are unhealthy and not sustainable. Chin up, you can be the size of a house and still look fab. Focus on your best bits, show em off and hold your head up high.

ArtDecoGirly Thu 26-Sep-13 18:56:10

Oh, Renovating...it's just so...demoralising! And rude/embarrassing. When we're both looking glam and gorgeous, we'll bump into these same people and show them a thing or two wink

SundaySimmons Thu 26-Sep-13 18:58:41

Andre is a wonderful man. In a bitchy cut throat industry he rises above everyone and nurtures and supports new talent. Google him, he is an amazing man.

Anyway, op, diets are usually rubbish as anyone can lose weight on a diet at first but then find it hard to stick to or pile on the weight afterwards.

We are creatures of habit. Try eating less of what you normally eat, reducing portion size as you go along for a few weeks. We are raised not to waste food but once you've eaten it where does food go? Exactly, down the toilet. So cut out the middleman- you.

If you have a meal in front of you, aim to eat half or if at hone, cook half the amount you would usually eat. By doing this you are getting the taste of the foods you usually eat but are reducing calorific intake.

As you lose weight you are now psychologically and emotionally in a better place and can now think about what you are eating and why. Now you can start swapping unhealthy food with healthy foods.

You can do it, but lack of instant results are what make most people losing weight give up. Don't look at yourself and think you must be slim by next week. Start now and think about what you will look like at Christmas.

Don't obsessively weigh yourself but do write down what you eat, it helps you be honest with yourself.

You are in charge, not your fridge. X

BikeRunSki Thu 26-Sep-13 19:00:00

Hasn' t hurt Beth Ditto

One of my work colleagues is the most gorgeous woman. Beautifully dressed, perfect make up and the most fabulous shiny, swishy hair in the world. You don't notice her weight, just her.
She's on her third husband, gorgeous younger man and I've seen grown men do the doe eyed sappy face when she notices them.
She is in every way fabulous.

honeybunny14 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:11:41

As long as you wear good fitting clothes im sure you will look lovely and dont be so hard on your self about the baby weight i went from a size 10 to an 18 with 2nd pregnancy i tane me a year a half to get back to a size 10 and i did really struggle clothes shopping for bigger sizes

Pinupgirl Thu 26-Sep-13 19:54:55

I am size 16 and I never let that get in the way of being fabulous. I wear a lot of vintage/retro style clothing which make the most of my figure-so nipped in waists,swing or wiggle dresses,seamed stockings etc. This is a look that can look great on any size.

Corygal Thu 26-Sep-13 20:28:28

I am fat and 45 and dating a very hot 29 year-old. My secret? A decent bra, moisturised skin and daily scent and a dash of eyeliner and mascara.

Honestly, you'd be amazed how little people (men) care about weight. Women are the bad ones, and your inner self is probably the Queen Bitch. Get a few bits of clothing that fit, a couple of bright tops, non-painful shoes, brush hair and go.

ICameOnTheJitney Thu 26-Sep-13 20:48:21

Never made Adele unattractive did it? She was and still is gorgeous bigger or smaller....she's stylish and loads of men fancy her...my DH for one and he's never indicated a penchant for larger women before...it's just her "aura" he says. hmm

Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 21:26:14

Thank you for all the very inspiring tips. I agree that state of mind is important and I just feel overwhelmed at the moment with broken nights and a very demanding job. I thought that by now I would be much lighter, but since I am not, I will do my best to lift my confidence. Starting with some nice clothes. I hope I can find things that fit me : )

Wow Cory, good for you!! I will buy eyeliner as well!

Onelittlelady, that is so true about fad diets, I have tried them all!

FreyaKItty Thu 26-Sep-13 22:23:29

I've been up and down since ds birth (hard to make time to eat properly and after sleep deprived nights have been reaching for chocolate sad but I decided to buy some gorgeous clothe.
i bought one of those bodysuits (best buy ever.). I've been guilty of thinking I'll buy x when I get to y but life is too short !

I bought this and some other nice dresses, so if I lose another 10 pounds they'll still look great !

www.polyvore.com/vivienne_westwood_anglomania_shaman_ruched/thing?id=87419197#cs (but in dark purple). I'd never have considered anything like this but it looks great.

Underwear was maidenform one - which you wear your own bra - still b/feeding) and I picked up somd Good bras - makes huge difference.

goodmum123 Thu 26-Sep-13 22:31:48

Hello,

I'm the same size as you and sometimes feel rubbish but I have been to bravissimo and highly recommend. I was also worried about decent winter trousers and have just had a delivery of gorgeous (slightly stretchy) £22, next corduroys in black and brown which look quite lovely with a cardi and layers. I hope that helps.if 20'is tight, try 22. I will diet when I'm ready.

MrsCocoa Thu 26-Sep-13 22:43:36

Anyone see the piece on architect Zaha Hadid in Sunday Times Style supplement at the weekend? Extraordinary woman with fantastic vision, which is carried through in her sense of personal style (and luxe wardrobe...). Absolutely no ideas what size she is; and the question is rendered quite irrelevant by her brilliance/personal impact. Inspirational!

garlicbaguette Thu 26-Sep-13 22:49:14

When you're fat, you have beautiful shoulders and, often, a gorgeous back. You have fewer wrinkles. Your legs are more curvy. You probably have a stunning cleavage. Your skin probably looks more 'creamy'.

You might just be feeling extra down on yourself due to sleep deprivation. It will pass, meanwhile you can cover it up for public appearances. Your hair will be making a full comeback now, so make the most of its lushness smile

I concur with everyone else - wear clothes that FIT. Measure yourself properly, because your shape will have changed since pre-pregnancy. Instead of judging yourself on your new numbers, take them as pure information, and set about styling yourself on that basis. Fitted styles, ruched dresses and wrap dresses tend to look good on a size 20. Avoid the temptation to yank things in at the waist, if you haven't got a waist - go for skimming, not clinging. If you do have a well-defined waist at size 20, girl, you should be dressing like a wartime pin-up!

Also agree about underwear. That's been the biggest change for me - actually bothering about whether a bra fits and which knickers to wear with what. I bought a variety of control pants, which may not be the sexiest garments ever seen, but are now a necessity. (They were for Pin-Up Girl, too, she wore elastic girdles!) If you have a bit of cash to spend, there's an amazing array of really pretty slips, bodies and things made with up to 80% Lycra! Usually listed as 'shapewear'.

Swing those hips, baby ;)

BillyBanter Thu 26-Sep-13 22:56:40
Renovatinghouse Thu 26-Sep-13 23:13:09

Thank you for the suggestions. Freya: the red dress is gorgeous! Good mum: will check out the corduroys, thanks!

Garlic, you made me smile. I think I do have a nice back and face but sadly I am apple shaped. Even when I was thin I only dreamed of a defined waist. I do have shape wear have not bothered to wear it as I feel just too fat. But I guess that it will make a difference in the pregnancy-like belly.

Thanks!!

helzapoppin2 Fri 27-Sep-13 00:17:10

MrsCocoa, Zaha Hadid is so stylish, and brilliant too! She really knows how to dress for her shape. Wish I did! I love seeing what she's wearing!

lillucky67 Fri 27-Sep-13 01:16:35

yes! i suggest focusing on accessories. even if you are wearing all black or neutral colours to slim, great accessories can make the entire outfit pop.

sophisticated costume jewellery is a great way to do this without splashing out too much or a new handbag. hair accessories are a fabulous way to make your outfit feminine too.

store.rdujour.com - my favourite fashion accessories boutique by the Vogue.co.uk syndicated fashion blog RDuJour.com.

garlicbaguette Fri 27-Sep-13 06:33:55

The Westwood dress Freya showed is fabulous, isn't it? I'm envious!

Glad you're starting to enjoy yourself with this smile

RichardBrown Fri 27-Sep-13 06:48:39

ofcourse, If you are fat.. that is not a big problem.. still you can wear trendy and designer clothes.. This was the same problem of one of my friend.. She got her clothes customized. She wear made to measure clothes from thecustomclothing..

http://www.thecustomclothing.com/

NickECave Fri 27-Sep-13 19:40:42

Resisting sugar and carbs when you're sleep deprived is really hard. My first DD was a good sleeper and I was back to pre-pregnancy weight in 6 months. DD2 didn't sleep through the night until she was nearly 3 and by then I'd gained a stone. Doesn't sound much but I'm under 5 foot so it feels like a lot. She's been sleeping OK for about 8 months now and my constant cake craving has gone away and I'm not gaining any more weight but not sure I'll shift the extra weight without serious exercise, which I'm extremely adverse to!

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