When. Or in what, do you look most AWFUL?

(118 Posts)
Nehru Sun 19-May-13 12:27:15

Me. On the mirror. Spin. Hair pulled back. Tiny head. Huge body. Sweating.
It's dire.
Or in any wide leg trousers. (Think HMS pinafore )

scarlet76 Sun 19-May-13 12:42:36

Winter runs when I wear DH's old spurs shirts. No slap. Frizzed up damp hair.
If I wear pale lipstick, I look like I've been dug up.
Clothes wise, too short for wide leg trousers or cropped ones (slim 7/8 trousers are ok). Insipid florals do little for me.

RonaldMcDonald Sun 19-May-13 12:46:47

Me at yoga

sweaty crotch/arse
sweaty tits/back


JazzDalek Sun 19-May-13 12:49:24

Any kind of skirt. I just can't seem to make them work confused

Straight? Pencil? A-line? All make my hips look huge.

DisappointedHorse Sun 19-May-13 12:50:32

At the Sunday morning swimming run. No make up, hair like a cloud.

Other than that, whenever I wear beige.

In white tops. I love white tops but they hate me.

MrsSalvoMontalbano Sun 19-May-13 12:55:17

If I wear pale lipstick, I look like I've been dug up grin

CrystalDeCanter Sun 19-May-13 13:02:46

When I've been too heavy handed with the make up.

Or conversely when wearing no make up. I look like a mouse. All too undefined iyswim.

Also am fat at the moment so anything tucked in looks awful.

BinksToEnlightenment Sun 19-May-13 13:09:45

In changing rooms, particularly in River Island. It's like a portal to a world where outfits shrink and my thighs expand.

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 13:12:41

Oh god, so much to choose from. Anything with a high neck, a defined waistline or a skirt that ends above the knee. Put me in a prom dress I look like a right fucking heifer.

QueenMaeve Sun 19-May-13 13:17:28

Trousers and a short top or a skirt. Im thin everywhere else but 5 prgnancies and 4 of them c sections has left me with a horrible bulge. I suit a dress more than anything

MrsSchadenfreude Sun 19-May-13 13:17:41

That bluey-pink colour which is called either "puce" or "cerise". It clashes with both my hair and my face. My mother bought me a shirt in this shade once. As if that wasn't bad enough, she had bought me a size 24. I was about a size 16 at the time. She said rather lamely "I thought you'd like it a bit baggy." Bitch.

blue2 Sun 19-May-13 13:20:07

Wearing anything in peach, coral or yellow. Def. not my colours

williaminajetfighter Sun 19-May-13 13:22:12

Any kind of red colour makes me looks like I've got a bad case of Rosacea. Awful.

Trousers in general. Like Kirsty from Location Location I just can't wear them. Finally chucked them all now it's just skirts and preferably dresses for me.

bunnymother Sun 19-May-13 13:32:08

Me without makeup and hair needing a good cut and bleach. Just so drab and washed out. I must be a summer, too, as creams and other warm tones and black make me look awful. I still wear cream and black, but have to put even more slap on that usual. I could go on and on with lots more things that make me look awful, but I'll just depress myself.

Shorts. Shorts and pencil skirts or dresses. They make me look massive. Also anything in yellow, it's just not the colour for me.

issimma Sun 19-May-13 13:37:21

Yellow, orange, peach make me look ill.
My lips are blue without lipstick.

Bunbaker Sun 19-May-13 13:40:12

The wrong colours - lime green, orange, yellow just make me look like the bride of Frankenstein.
Skinny jeans make me look like a torso on 2 parsnips
Low cut tops because I have no cleavage
Strapless tops because I have very bony shoulders.

I sound grim don't I?

issimma Sun 19-May-13 13:44:56

You sound like me bunbaker grin

Halternecks - swimmer's shoulders too

Bunbaker Sun 19-May-13 13:46:56

Actually halternecks do suit me because the look balances out my wider hips.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sun 19-May-13 13:58:07

Had to be in a group photo for work recently and they brought in a makeup artist. It is a riot of colour, not one of which suits me.
I have a fat orange face, so much bronze eye makeup that you can't even see my eyes, and a bright red but still desperate-looking smirk.

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 14:00:03

i love white tops too remus - cream is a disaster here

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 14:00:40

lol @ river island portal
marks overhead lights do that to me

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 14:01:02


link! Link!

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sun 19-May-13 14:08:33

Are you mad? Never!
I have been doing the walk of shame through the office ever since, wondering if that's how I look after being professionally made up—like an elderly hamster—what must I look like on ordinary days? blush

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 14:49:43

I cant imagine an office with a make up artist to do photos.
At least show us someone else

Red Lipstick.
I look like Herman Munster.

First thing in the morning (pre coffee/wash/hair brushing)
I look like Frank from Shameless.
Fo Shizzle

freddiefrog Sun 19-May-13 15:10:25

Dresses or skirts unless very formal evening wear - I just look silly

Hair up - I need longish hair, with some ooomph to frame my face

Bootcut jeans - just don't suit me, I need skinnies or straight

GlitzPig Sun 19-May-13 16:23:23

Sitting in the chair at the hairdressers-wet hair combed completely straight, squinting like a pastymole in bright lights without my glasses, makeup washed off by overzealous shampoo girl, being patronised/insulted by an orange person who wasn't even BORN when I took my A-levels. WHO I THEN TIP.

GlitzPig Sun 19-May-13 16:23:53

pasty mole.

A pastymole isn't a thing, as far as I know blush

WipsGlitter Sun 19-May-13 17:03:22

Lol-ing here!

Red lipstick - I'm too pale
Anything that has a seam under the bust, I don't know if my boobs are too high or too low but it looks shit.
Very low round necks

I struggle to wear jewellry - I feel conspicuous.

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 17:05:21

Empire line or wrap dresses. Don't flatter a big bust. Make them look like torpedos

happyreindeer Sun 19-May-13 17:08:43

When I have been at the gym .I always look redder than anyone else and it last for ages. Mid length skirts make me look and feel frumpy.

Foosyerdoos Sun 19-May-13 17:09:13

Shorts, especially long Bermuda style sorts. I look like I'm channeling Don Estelle from 'it ain't half hot mum' (showing my age) grin.

happyreindeer Sun 19-May-13 17:10:35

Oh god! just remembered. M & S 360 degree mirrors.I do not know how they manage to sell any clothes.

middleagedspread Sun 19-May-13 17:13:17

I had a magazine with a free sample of a Clarins Foundation on friday. I slapped it on & went off to work.
Mid morning loo break, I looked in the mirror. A shiny orange peered back. Much scrubbing with paper towel & anti bad hand wash resulted in a red, scratched face.

Ledkr Spain Sun 19-May-13 17:13:37

On holiday. Red face, white neck, swollen from the heat and alcohol, ken Dodd hair, chubby body in revealing clothes, uneven patchy tan, freckly shoulders, greasy face from sun cream, sun glass white eye area and constantly sweaty. I've never understood how anyone has a holiday romance!!!

noddyholder Sun 19-May-13 17:16:00

Towelling dressing gown = sack of potatoes
Any photos when I have been drinking I look like a ruddy hooray henry
Mac type coats (see dressing gown) but worse as I so want to look good in them

HalfSpamHalfBrisket Sun 19-May-13 17:20:10

Bright colours make me look sallow.
If I get a tan, it just looks like I haven't washed, then flakes off in patches.
If I wear 'feminine' clothes (frills, peplums, tucked in blouses, prints, embellishments, kitten heels) I look like a bloke in drag.

There was a reason I was a goth.

noddyholder Sun 19-May-13 17:28:24

I don't like big jewellery on me either dp says I look like a social worker ditto anything ethnic

motherinferior Sun 19-May-13 17:32:23

Navy blue. It makes most people look chic. It makes me look exhumed, and not in a good way.

RonaldMcDonald Sun 19-May-13 17:33:52

I agree that towelling dressing gowns only looked good on Pam Ewing
everyone else looks like walking shorn sheep

noddyholder Sun 19-May-13 17:36:00

My boobs generally meet up with the belt which is fetching Pam Ewing looked great in them and in a turban!

Lizzylou Sun 19-May-13 17:36:21

Any exercise, I think I am getting trimmer and fitter.
I just look like a huge sweating guppy mouthed tomato.

Clothes wise, yellow, tunic tops, esp in white. Maxi dresses unless fitted.

moondog Sun 19-May-13 17:37:33

Ethnic jewellery also makes one look like a 'friend of' suburban arts centre-usually with bewildered foreign student in tow.

middleagedspread Sun 19-May-13 17:37:56

Lizzy, maxi dresses look dreadful on me too. I see other people looking casual & chic. I look like I'm wearing a nightie.

almapudden Sun 19-May-13 17:38:24

Sleeveless high-necked dresses. I'm wide of shoulder and flattish of chest; they make me look about seven miles wide.

Am currently trying to find a dress to wear to a ball and having very limited success sad

BurnThisDiscoDown Sun 19-May-13 17:39:38

Gilets, I look really butch and grumpy. Possibly because I know i look really butch. Oh, and I can't wear tips with the under boob seam either, the seam rests at nipple level and looks awful.

Ledkr Spain Sun 19-May-13 17:40:51

Anything loose fitting brings on a tirade of " are you pregnant?" I'm not even that big fgs.
Also A I'm 45 and B I have five kids from 27-2 yep pregnant again.

Lizzylou Sun 19-May-13 17:41:47

It is a gutter isn't it Middle?
Everyone swans around looking effortlessly chic in em, I look 10mths gone hmm
The ones that are basically a really long vest top are ok though.

Badvoc Sun 19-May-13 17:42:16

In pink or cream I look like a merangue sad

Changing rooms make me look like I have a moustache checks nervously that I haven't got one

Skirtts just under the knee make me look truly horrific. My calves are wide at the best of times.

polyhymnia Sun 19-May-13 17:46:35

Red lipstick. Thick or in any other way 'overdone' makeup - puts 10 years on me.

Sleeveless dresses.

Tops and dresses that are either too tight or too voluminous.

All bright colours, except blues.

ShowOfHands Sun 19-May-13 17:47:04

Jeans. I look like I'm off to give the garden a once over. They just don't seem to fit anywhere. I've got okay legs too and a nice arse. Jeans however just sort of hang.

LG&T reckons I need Marthas. I'm not allowed in TopShop though. I'm not 14 and chewing gum whilst giggling about Tommo from Upper Sixth.

In H&M I picked up a heavily sequinned ,jewell encrusted dress (in the sale) and held it up to me. (Not that I have anywhere to wear it)

"Oooh, this is nice but I'd look like a Drag Queen" I simpered, expecting DH,DS and DD to chorus "No Mum, buy it, you look lush"

"Drag Queen eh" DS muses. "Oh, you can pull it off".

Pull It Off. So I look like a fecking Drag Queen then? hmm

Callycat Sun 19-May-13 17:48:59

So true GlitzPig! Nothing worse than the straight-wet-hair-in-full-dalight look.

For me, add that inevitable hairdresser's black smock thingy - I look AWFUL in black - and the look is complete.

ShowOfHands Sun 19-May-13 17:49:28

Oh dressing gowns. I look stained and slatternly. I want a sort of billowy, clingy, drapey one but nah, I look like I should be accessorising with a digestive and a chipped mug with builders tea sloshing stains down the front of my ill fitting housecoat-esque gown.

TSSDNCOP Sun 19-May-13 17:50:06

Halter necks or racing back tops. Look like a quarterback in the Chicago Bears.

Nekkid sad

moondog Sun 19-May-13 17:51:20

Everyone looks slovenly in a dressing gown-none more so than a towelling one.
Owned by the sort of women who have plastic lined wicker baskets in their bathrooms full of tampon applicators and used cotton buds.

I don't do dressing gowns- I have velour, zipped front leisure robes.
No ugly sack-of-spuds belt.
No embarassing gapeage.

Lightweight for summer
Heavy fluffy cuddly one for winter


I look like I'm actually dead in nude clothes. How? Nude is a colour that's meant to suit everyone! Even nail varnish- nude or mocha colours just make me look like I have porcelain doll hands gone wrong.

Oh and the hairdresser thing-
hideous bright, unforgiving lighting
You have to put your head down, so your chin(s) get squished.
And it shows your under-eye bags/dark shadows to great effect.

And they are so noisy too <<sigh>>

moondog Sun 19-May-13 17:59:44

'velour, zipped front leisure robes'

Eh? grin

Where do you get those?

Pascha Sun 19-May-13 18:00:29

Belts and hats. Can't do either.

issimma Sun 19-May-13 18:06:48

I look pregnant in maxi dresses.

Brown/taupe nail varnish - ill

Heels - clumsy drag artiste

unapologetic Sun 19-May-13 18:08:32

Can't do shorts (it's the knees) even in the garden. Can 't do high necks or too much material on the chest area. And I can only wear fitted tops; baggy tops make me look huge when I'm actually not.

issimma Sun 19-May-13 18:08:41

Oh, and shirts with pockets on them. I'm tall and they sit too high up, making it look as though my boobs are on my collarbone.

amazingface Sun 19-May-13 18:12:19

In photos.
Just. Not. Photogenic.
Also in khaki green, and in too little or too much makeup.

GlitzPig Sun 19-May-13 18:17:14

Oh, and I've never found a pair of shorts that doesn't make me look like a Brownie leader on Pack Holiday sad

I can't wear any pastel colours.

I also cannot wear leather - it makes me look like an 'ard bitch.

TooMuchRain Sun 19-May-13 18:27:16

in anything beige is very bad, high-waisted dresses = just a bit weeble-like

dementedma Sun 19-May-13 18:48:48

Everything sob

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 18:56:51

Oh god I'd forgotten photos. I am the least photogenic person on earth. In real life my eyes are the same size. In photos one is bigger than the other and I look like a complete simpleton.

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 18:57:15

Can't do shorts either - hungry arse. sad

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 19:01:01

glitz - you want banana republic shorts

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sun 19-May-13 19:08:46

At the gym (sweaty, florid, usually hairy legs).

In anything yellow-toned next to my face.

In pretty floral/print dresses with a waist/50s-type cut. I look like a man in bad drag, or Grayson Perry in grotesque little-girl mode.

And at the hairdresser.

cocolepew United States Sun 19-May-13 19:11:21

Any yellow/mustard coloured top, it looks like I've been Simpsoned.

I need to be careful with jeans too, the wrong type and I look very strange around the foof area. All sort of pulled in, the joy of a dodgy pelvis.

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 19:12:03

those nasty polyester tea dresses people like. Les dawson on me

LadyClariceCannockMonty Sun 19-May-13 19:12:30

Les dawson' grin

bigkidsdidit Sun 19-May-13 19:20:36

I look like Baden Powell in shorts too sad I have awful knees

Taffeta Sun 19-May-13 19:27:27

Beige or turquoise
Trousers in general but do wear jeans but prob shouldn't
Vest tops

glamstretchmarks Sun 19-May-13 19:31:22

with my hair tied up... it just doesn't look that good... in any way or style... but down I look completely different...

in the gym... the whole top of my face, forehead, nose is BRIGHT red.... sweaty betty too... sexy....

Nehru Sun 19-May-13 19:33:13

agree glam - with my hair in a pony tail i look like a giant sperm

First thing in the morning, I don't begin to look good for at least 1.5 hours.

Or in any shopping mall.

With my hair in a center parting.

Amrapaali Sun 19-May-13 19:56:59

I start looking awful 3-4 days before my period. Its like a Hulk transformation.

An army of Hollywood stylists wouldn't be able to save me...

wharrgarbl Sun 19-May-13 19:57:51

In photos - horribly unphotogenic. I don't know where my son gets it from...

Yellow, pastels, cherry and yellow-based reds, yuck.

Heh, I've always wanted to throw a party where everyone has to come in the garment least flattering on them - mine would be either harem pants, transparent by preference, or high-waisted leather shorts.
They're on my list of most awful garments for me (5'1" and not thin).

YoniOno Sun 19-May-13 20:10:27

grin At these!

Mine is def pre-period. Am bloated, greasy haired and faced, my eyes look all grumpy. And if my roots need doing (bottle blonde) there's no point even trying.

ProjectGainsborough Sun 19-May-13 20:47:21

Yes to so many of these. In RL am pretty sure both of my eyes point in the same direction, but point a camera at me and they instantly cross.

Beige. Halter necks.

Oh, yes, and the wide-legged flares I wore today. I felt edgy and hippyish - rather like Kate Moss - until I caught sight of myself I a shop window and realised I looked like I'd eaten Kate Moss and all of her entourage.

waxlyrical Sun 19-May-13 21:20:30

I look ridiculous when I see myself during a "Skype" call - the little box in the corner that insists on showing you yourself. I manage to look utterly astonished, smug and bloated all at the same time. Can't do cropped trousers either.

sassytheFIRST Sun 19-May-13 21:26:22

Any dress with a waist/belt. Look like Hattie Jacques. Unfair cos have smallish waist - but record breaking bazoomas.

No makeup, specifically concealer due to heroin addict dark circles.

On the plus size, good legs, slim arms and hair that is easy and suits me and isn't a Mumbob.

iMe Sun 19-May-13 21:35:41

A dressing gown makes me feel like the Michelin Man.
Pencil skirts are a no-no, my hips& thighs are too wide.
Low cut tops reveal my spotty chest.
Empire line dresses make me look pregnant when I'm not.
Skinnies.....eeek, don't even go there.
doesn't leave me with too many options...

Yettish Sun 19-May-13 21:48:31

I have to have a long fringe. I grew it out once and even my hairdresser agreed it made me look like Aileen Wuornos. Dead ringer.

HellonHeels Sun 19-May-13 22:01:55

PMT - bloated face, boobs and stomach.

Pastel colours. Teal.

Gathered skirts / prom dress styles

Ballet flats (huge feet)

Shift dresses, unless with buttoned jacket over the top.

High neck or polo neck tops (big boobs)

Medievalmurdermystery Sun 19-May-13 23:08:54

Pointy flats.

Makes my size 8 feet look like two large slabs of gammon.

mewkins Sun 19-May-13 23:17:19

A cream top or blouse. Completely washes me out.

bulletproofgerbil Sun 19-May-13 23:47:26

In summer - when hot flushes meet hot weather and I literally go into meltdown.
In the rain - when my see-through hair gets REALLY see-through
In a wrap-dress
In a shirt-dress
In wide leg trousers
In most skirts
In anything sleeveless
In thick sweaters - big norks.
With a centre parting.
In ALL photographs
On ALL webcams
Oh God I'm stopping this list now. Tooo depressing.

Eliza22 Mon 20-May-13 08:52:47

Capped sleeves.
Trousers (big arse/thighs)
A bob (hairdo)
No makeup

Oh FFS, I need to lose a stone, OK? angry

I do have great hair, though smile

EleanorFarjeon Mon 20-May-13 19:32:37

With my curly hair dried straight.

I look so bad, my mum can't look at me when she speaks to me.

She said to my sister, 'Eleanor looks so ugly with straight hair'!

DewDr0p Mon 20-May-13 19:59:29

Hee hee Eleanor I look weird with straight hair so I sympathise.

I also look crap in:
anything high necked
chunky knitwear
the hairdressers

On holiday my hair does weird stuff too.

DewDr0p Mon 20-May-13 20:00:10

How could I forget double breasted coats/jackets?

FoundAChopinLizt Mon 20-May-13 20:03:18

Day before period

With hangover

Before colouring hair

No make up/last night's make up

Old specs

Old beige fleece kept for painting

Too large tartan pj bottoms

Granny slippers

No, I'm not answering the door, get daddy.grin

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell Mon 20-May-13 21:27:00

Chunky knitwear doubles, no, trebles me in size.

JoyceDivision Mon 20-May-13 21:33:32

The pics after dc2 born.

When had dc1, while I don't ever look fab, I at leastlooked genuinely teary eyed andlaughing and havea proper 'new mum'look of delirious joy about me.

With dc2 I look like I'm from a hardcore juvenile detention centre or a bit insane. I look terrifying, like I'm coming after you while holding a baby and laughing manically.

SirChenjin Mon 20-May-13 21:36:49

A swimming costume. I caught sight of my reflection in the full length window which runs along the side of our local pool and froze in horror. I vowed there and then never to present myself in public like that again.


Nehru Mon 20-May-13 21:39:13

Id add "with a fringe"

a small forehead means I look like I should be sectioned

DewDr0p Mon 20-May-13 21:40:55

Oh god I forgot ankle strap shoes. Just look horrendous.

Oblomov Mon 20-May-13 21:50:18

I can't do skinnies. I look awful in shorts. Red lipstick is a no no.

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 20-May-13 21:54:31


Sitting in the chair at the hairdressers-wet hair combed completely straight, squinting like a pastymole in bright lights without my glasses, makeup washed off by overzealous shampoo girl, being patronised/insulted by an orange person who wasn't even BORN when I took my A-levels. WHO I THEN TIP.

OMG are you me?

I took a photo of Addison from Grey's anatomy to my hairdresser
She doesn't watch Grey's.
Oh, says I, well, it's a bit like Ally McBeal - except it's angsty surgeons instead of angsty lawyers.
Her: "what's Ally McBeal?"
No common cultural references. At all.

<changed hairdresser soon after>

issimma Tue 21-May-13 11:42:27

My hairdresser didn't recognise Helena C in the Boden catalogue. She described her hair as 'a bit of a mess.'

I felt positively ancient.

GlitzPig Tue 21-May-13 14:58:00

Poor Olivia, hope you've found someone older more experienced now! Nothing like a visit to the hairdresser to make me feel a) £100 poorer b) ancient c) rough as grin

Lambzig Tue 21-May-13 15:06:01

Oh god, the hairdressers mirror when they have the tint on. Why do they have mirrors in the colourists bit?

Otherwise for me, in photos on holiday. I imagine I look lithe, lightly tanned with a quirky plait and floaty dress. The photos reveal that in fact I look a shiny red sweaty mess with frizzy greasy hair wearing a tent which does not disguise my batwing arms. Shudder. As for the bikini shots ......

HappyAsEyeAm Tue 21-May-13 15:11:27

Skinny jeans
Those shirts/tops that have a 'bib front' - I am a tad over 5 foot tall, and the bib bit comes down to my waist
Pink lipstick (I look like I've played with my mum's make up)
Red nail varnish (look like I've dipped my fingers in blood)
Shorts (I just look like a square shape)
Skater dresses (make me look about 3 dress sizes bigger than I am)
Shoes with an ankle strap (make me look a foot shorter than I am)

I could go on ...

OliviaMMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 21-May-13 16:12:22


Poor Olivia, hope you've found someone older more experienced now! Nothing like a visit to the hairdresser to make me feel a) £100 poorer b) ancient c) rough as grin

I know the feeling. Honestly. I am usually late so end up having to eat in front of the mirror <oink>

They should be paying me.

SirChenjin Tue 21-May-13 20:31:32

I am planning to wear something like this all summer

lurkingfromhome Wed 22-May-13 14:42:50

This thread is really making me laugh, but I could fill it with ten thousand examples of my own.

Basically, though, summer: I can't do summer. I have pasty white skin that never tans. Eventually it freckles, but not in a nice way, so I stay out of the sun or use factor 30, then always look exhumed. The sunshoine reflecting off my white body could blind passers-by. Always look a bit frazzled. Hair always a bit frizzy and a bit greasy with sunscreen product. Sandals look shit as have such white feet. Maxi dresses are appalling. Anything white gets grubby looking in ten minutes.

I see hordes of lovely women out wearing gorgeous maxi dresses, white skinny jeans and lovely tops, subtly highlighted hair cascading in the summer breeze, bronzed feet in sandals and I want to kill them all. Roll on winter when I can wear chunky jumpers, bulletproof tights and knee boots.

GlitzPig Wed 22-May-13 15:35:30

yy lurking, at least in winter you can just put on a FUCKING BIG COAT and hope that your lack of makeup will come off as rosy-faced and charming.

That said, I'll enjoy the hairdressers a lot more now Olivia has given me the genius idea of eating during a haircut grin They have to stop asking about my holidays if I was half way through lunch, surely?

SirChenjin Wed 22-May-13 16:33:27

I find the headphones in ears and eyes tight shut approach works wonders when I'm having my (frizzy) hair cut, esp if you do it the moment they start asking where you're going on holiday

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