Clothes that you have never been able to wear

(99 Posts)
LifeofPo Wed 17-Apr-13 21:40:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2cats2many Wed 17-Apr-13 21:42:21

Anything strapless. The boobs just will not be contained sufficiently by a strapless bra.

WTFisABooyhoo Wed 17-Apr-13 21:44:49

me too!

i also cant do trainers, or the likes of converse. i know they aren't a 'style' but it's just something i look awful in. i'm too short and my feet are too big.

AnythingNotEverything Wed 17-Apr-13 21:46:12

I can't wear shirts/blouses. They just dot fit my boob:waist ratios. And I don't iron anything ...

If shoes count - I can't do heels in any shape or form.

Also sleeveless, vesty tops - there is always the gaping around the shoulder/arm

DevaDiva Wed 17-Apr-13 21:48:32

Skinny jeans I look like I've been squeezed into a sausage skinblush

Shift dresses and pencil skirts. I know they are meant to look fab on an hourglass figure but they just look awful on me and I have tried many of them over the years.

Iwantmybed Wed 17-Apr-13 21:49:23

Bad legs and massive hips/ arse = can't wear short skirts, skinny jeans, bubble skirt (WtF?) and shorts.

Now starting to struggle with strapless, Boobs not so perky anymore.

Its a sad state of affairs.

picnicbasketcase Wed 17-Apr-13 21:50:04

Skinny jeans or trousers in general that are tucked into boots or have boots showing on the outside of them. They look good on other people but I would feel ridiculous in them. I think I'd feel too much like I wanted people to notice me or something confused

Iwantmybed Wed 17-Apr-13 21:50:36

Flat shoes. Guaranteed to make me look even more small and dumpy.

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 17-Apr-13 21:50:36

Anything belted - sack of potatoes on me.

Jumpsuits/play suits. I look like a badly stacked sack of spuds in one of them!!!

MerylStrop Wed 17-Apr-13 21:53:24

Anything remotely casual
I just look like a berk
shoes with an ankle strap
trousers. i am a skirt girl - actually a dress girl

LifeofPo Wed 17-Apr-13 21:54:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki Wed 17-Apr-13 21:54:22

Combat trousers. No matter what size I am, I have never found any to fit. No that I have cared for the last few years. Until last week - got new kit for work, including combats for field work, and they fit perfectly!

ZenNudist Wed 17-Apr-13 21:54:40

Sling backs, just slip off my feet.

Also really high heels. Can't even walk

MousyMouse Wed 17-Apr-13 21:54:50

skinny jeans
they make my bum and thighs look really weird.
v-neck anything. have a long neck and v-necks make me look like a swan.

LifeofPo Wed 17-Apr-13 21:55:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandMini Wed 17-Apr-13 21:55:33

lifeofpo - fell about laughing when I read your assessment of shirt dresses....exactly the same on me. However, I keep blindly searching , hoping I'll find the one that works. Just sent two back to Boden. When will I learn?

Pinkflipflop Wed 17-Apr-13 21:56:00

Wrap dresses as I look like a right old granny!

HandMini Wed 17-Apr-13 22:01:10

Pinkflipflop - have you tried a DVF wrap dress? I thought like you until I experienced their silky wonderfulness.

dexter73 Wed 17-Apr-13 22:03:34

I can't wear shirts with a collar. I just feel like a man in them. Also cropped trousers. They look nice on other people but so wrong on me.

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 17-Apr-13 22:07:16

Ah yes cropped trousers - when I have worn them DH has called me Lieutenant Uhuru which sort of spoiled them for me.

Black leather biker jackets - I fear I look like Eamon's wife on This Morning.

Flat shoes - am just too short.

Strappy sandals/flip flops - my feet are too ugly.

Golly this could turn into a terribly self-loathing thread wink

MarshaBrady Wed 17-Apr-13 22:07:46

Sandals or peep toes (the latter may make me shudder at thought). Nice or ok on others.

Shirts without collars

Funnel neck type collar coat

Too many frills and embellishments

Suit jackets. They make me look fat, frumpy and strangely square

MousyMouse Wed 17-Apr-13 22:17:08

oh, yes, peep-toes.
my toes are more or less the same length so no toe would peep.

Startail Wed 17-Apr-13 22:18:58

Shift dresses, if they fit round my hips you can look in one arm hole and out the other, enjoying the view of my rather small norks on the way.

Also frills, bows and twiddly bits. I have reasonably long legs and a short body. I just don't have enough top half to decorate, they look over powering and silly.

bonzo77 Wed 17-Apr-13 22:19:26

Slip on shoes
Sling back shoes
Anything requiring a special bra
Shift dresses
Pleat front trousers
Trousers with slanty hip pockets
Empire line
Hold ups
Skirts / dresses above the knee
Heels that are not wedges
Flip flops
Plunge bras
Polo necks
A watch
Dangly earrings
Frills, lace, fluffy things

bonzo77 Wed 17-Apr-13 22:20:16

Tailored jackets

Startail Wed 17-Apr-13 22:20:17

Shirts with breast pockets look ridiculous, the pockets sit on my waist.

freddiefrog Wed 17-Apr-13 22:28:23

Dresses or skirts of any kind apart from maxi dresses in the summer. I look a dick in them

Sling back shoes
Cropped trousers of any kind

MarshaBrady Wed 17-Apr-13 22:32:52

And wrap dresses and a line skirts.

olivertheoctopus Wed 17-Apr-13 22:40:00

Black patent pumps. They just look weird on my feet.

santamarianovella Wed 17-Apr-13 22:45:35

oversized blazers i looks just awful in them.
maxi skirts

MrsApplepants Wed 17-Apr-13 22:50:07

Suit jackets instantly turn me into a frump.

AlwaysSleepingBeauty Thu 18-Apr-13 02:40:40

Drop waist dresses, they make me look really boxy, even though I have a small waist and bigger hips.

paperclips Thu 18-Apr-13 03:05:06

Polo necks.
Shirts with collars. Too masculine.
Shirt dresses- agree with the sack of spuds comment.

Generally dresses and skirts are a problem because i like them but don't know what shoes to wear and struggle with heels

Anything that can't be adequately layered with other clothes for effective temperature control.

Very bright colours.

Notafoodbabyanymore Thu 18-Apr-13 03:20:27

Skinny jeans look awful on me (even when I'm at my thinnest) as do any tops which are fussy or too high cut around the neckline. Cowl necks look like my head is coming out of a giant vagina, though I personally think they look like that on everyone.

SoYoFromKokomo Thu 18-Apr-13 03:29:35

Jumper dresses and wrap dresses, they just sit on bulgy tummy & make people look at me thinking 'fat or pregnant?'

TheRealFellatio Thu 18-Apr-13 03:50:26

I look shit in any kind of masculine tailoring.

short skirts
dropped waists
baggy, wide cut things with no definition
pretty much all trousers except jeans
most high-legged boots (always too narrow for my calves)
turtle necks (although I am not convinced they flatter anyone so it's no great loss)

TheRealFellatio Thu 18-Apr-13 03:51:04

Oh and beige or pale peach or pale blue. I look dead.

HazleNutt Thu 18-Apr-13 07:00:46

skinny cropped trousers - my legs are normally not that bad, but those make me look like I have 2 chubby sausages instead of legs.
Shirts from normal shops, why the heck are they all cut for B-cups?
boxy cropped jackets make me look, unsurprisingly, boxy and cropped.

noddyholder Thu 18-Apr-13 07:05:51

Racer back vests
Belted coats/dresses another sack of potatoes here
T shirts with high round neck look dumpy
I think biker jackets are loose womany too
Hair 'styles'
Masculine anything feels wrong

Yellow. I can't wear anything that's yellow. No matter what the shade, it looks terrible on me and I look like I haven't slept in a week.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Apr-13 07:25:44

Anything above the knee (legs too skinny)

Ankle boots (ditto)

Anything low cut (crepey chest)

Anything sleeveless (wobbly upper arms even though they are skinny)

SteppingOnLego Thu 18-Apr-13 07:32:48

Rollnecks or even high crew necks (short neck and have norks)
Skirt/dress above knee without tights
Ankle strap shoes
Empire line
Anything black (makes me look half dead)

rubyflipper Thu 18-Apr-13 07:40:34

Suit jackets: I look like a prison officer
Wrap dresses: I look like a barrel in a dress

Shorts. Every year I try. I think I do it just to keep my self-esteem in check.

Turquoiseblue Thu 18-Apr-13 08:08:10

Midi length skirts
Those maxi Skirts with pleats all the way round .....
Funnel neck anything
A watch .... Irritates the heck out of me eventhough dh got me a really stunning one for our anniversary recently
Wrap dresses look terrible on me
Ankle grazers/ crop trews or jeans

cocolepew Thu 18-Apr-13 08:13:52

Anything sleeveless , I look like a wrestler.
Flat ballet pumps, I lose the ability to walk properly.

LifeofPo Thu 18-Apr-13 08:24:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UterusUterusGhali Thu 18-Apr-13 08:36:01

Polo necks.
Any high neck tbh.
Sleeveless dresses.
Short sleeved dresses/tops.
Flared skirts.

Essentially, I can only wear v necked, long sleeved anything.

foxysocks Thu 18-Apr-13 08:51:23

cowl necks

LifeofPo Thu 18-Apr-13 09:01:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lainiekazan Thu 18-Apr-13 09:10:34

the "preppy" look

if I try to wear muted tones of trousers/jacket/top and trainers I don't look like a gamine model from the pages of The White Company but resemble Sandi Toksvig.

almapudden Thu 18-Apr-13 09:26:39

Anything empire-line
Tennis dresses
Dropped waists

dontyouwantmebaby Thu 18-Apr-13 10:30:32

- any trousers that have side zips.
- 3/4 length trousers (am too short to wear these & look ridiculous)
- polo necks
- shirts (they gape & I have to buy a massive size to cover boobs which makes me look even larger than I am)
- tiny bolero tops/cardis
- bodycon dresses
- pencil skirts
- skinny low-rise jeans (muffin top, squidgy legs)
- anything strapless/sleeveless (chunky arms)

hmm...think I'll stop there before I get too depressed grin

purplewithred Thu 18-Apr-13 10:34:44

round necks. make me look like my tiny tits are growing out of what should be my waist.

MadBusLady Thu 18-Apr-13 10:40:27

Tunics - they skim straight from boobs (big) to hips (big) and conceal waist (small). I look like Wizbit.

Bracelets and necklaces - too annoying.

Heels over 3 inches - I can walk in them but they make me look like a man.

MadBusLady Thu 18-Apr-13 10:41:58

And any skirt that isn't a pencil makes me look a right heifer.

Basically I need a waist and sharp lines. The "skim over it" thing doesn't work on me.

lljkk Thu 18-Apr-13 10:42:33

Crop tops. Very long waist so they just ride right up over my bosoms.

MadBusLady Thu 18-Apr-13 10:43:27

And yy to masculine looking totally wrong. On me and practically everyone else who isn't a blonde elfin princess. Who's idea was all that shit?

woozlebear Thu 18-Apr-13 10:55:12

Anything with lace - look like a child
Florals - look like a child from the 50s
Masculine tailoring - look like a child who's raided her Dad's wardrobe
Most patterns - look like a child wearing homemade curtain-dress.
Leather jackets - look like a child trying to look cool and failing
Most shoes - get blisters just looking at most things. The ONLY things I can wear without socks/tights without my feet bleeding within an hour are Birkenstocks. And even they require some breaking in.

I yearn to float around in sludge-coloured drapey arty things looking all cool and scandinavian but just cannot carry it off. I'm outdoorsy and tan easily, look v young and fresh faced and have rubbish hair that cannot do anything other than a rather sad bob so I just ruin any attempt at that kind of look. I either look like I've put someone else's clothes on by accident or ruin it by wearing the wrong coat/ shoes / bag. I have gradually come to accept that I look by far my best in simple classic slightly sloaney/sporty attire.

foxysocks Thu 18-Apr-13 11:11:46

heels too. my knees, hips and back scream NO just looking at them.

maybemyrtle Thu 18-Apr-13 13:42:14

This thread has made me chuckle, thank you!

I cannot wear:
shirt dresses
wrap dresses
tucked in shirts
any trousers other than jeans (I'd love to do that rolled up chino thing)
high necked anything
high heels
converse/pump type shoes
drop waist dresses

LifeofPo Thu 18-Apr-13 13:44:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarshaBrady Thu 18-Apr-13 13:58:24

Things so bad that even mentioning them is too close for comfort -

cowl neck
leather jacket

foxysocks Thu 18-Apr-13 14:04:18

oh I love a leather jacket marsha. the only one where we differ!

MarshaBrady Thu 18-Apr-13 14:15:01

lol Foxy so close!

UtterflyButterfly Thu 18-Apr-13 15:21:18

woozlebear my list is almost the same as yours! Except, as I'm rather old, the frills and florals make me look like an old granny rather than a child. I'd love to float around in gauzy drapey things, but I look ridiculous.

Just as well for the fashion industry we're all different!

woozlebear Thu 18-Apr-13 15:49:43

utterfly - I harbour deluded fantasies that I'm going to improve with age until I magically morph into something Judi Dench-esque and have the presence to carry all that sort of stuff off. (This despite the fact I have spent a year growing out a disastrous short cut so bad that I had to get DH to promise to lock me in the house if I ever ever thought about cutting my hair ever again as long as a live.)

Maybe when we get old enough we won't care and we'll live out our final days floating and draping happily and embarassing the grandchildren grin

MadBusLady Thu 18-Apr-13 15:53:50

You see, I'd love to do classic Sloaney/Grace Kelly/Katherine Hepburn without looking like a man.

I am doomed to float about in lacy florals feeling overdressed.

Bumbez Thu 18-Apr-13 16:00:38

Loads of stuff but the main one is turtle neck jumper as I have no neck and massive tits!

toffeefee Thu 18-Apr-13 16:01:20

It's probably easier for me to list what I can wear!

Skinny jeans
Straight leg jeans
7/8 jeans or trousers
Vest tops.....

that's about it.

I'm tall, skinny, flat chested, broad shouldered, long armed, and flat bottomed. It would seem that the clothing industry designs does not design or cut clothes to fit my 'shape'. Am considering running up my own!

I would love to be able to wear one of those wiggle skirts or a fitted top and it actually fit in the right places. Would love a beautiful winter coat that fitted my waist, shoulders and had long enough sleeves. Waisted dresses - ie skater dresses - are more like empire line on me. Love, love, love fashion and clothes, but hate shopping.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Apr-13 16:30:20 sound just like me smile

MadBusLady Thu 18-Apr-13 16:32:29

Hmph, well just about the only thing I do look great in is wiggle skirts and fitted tops and variations thereon. Unfortunately they look bloody stupid for trips to the cornershop.

Twit Thu 18-Apr-13 16:55:17

I'm the same as mrscampbellblack.

NomDeOrdinateur Thu 18-Apr-13 17:06:23

Biker jackets (sad);
Hammer pants/jogging bottoms (but can anyone?);
Short/flouncy skirts (indecent on me due to wide hips, even though I'm tiny);
Button-down blouses/shirts (buttons gape/pop open or I look pregnant);
High necklines (matronly bosom effect);
White or any bright or pastel colours, esp. orange, yellow, green;
Hair accessories (hmm).

UtterflyButterfly Thu 18-Apr-13 17:08:51

Lovely thoughts woozle - I have the Judi Dench haircut, but not the grace and bearing to carry it off the way she does!

drjohnsonscat Thu 18-Apr-13 17:17:55

white linen trousers - the drawstring ones that look floaty and lovely in the catalogues and make me look like a pale pink pig in a bag in real life.

polo necks - not with boobs you can't

peasant-style dresses with empire waistlines. Make me look like the most enormous Tiny Tears doll.

drjohnsonscat Thu 18-Apr-13 17:20:23

tall, skinny, flat chested, broad shouldered, long armed, and flat bottomed. It would seem that the clothing industry designs does not design or cut clothes to fit my 'shape'

I am the complete opposite on all these features and the industry doesn't cater to me either confused. Exactly who is buying clothes out there?

I have big boobs, small waist, huge bum. I can't wear straight skirts - wide enough to go over my bum means wide enough at the waist to fit me and another person inside. Ditto jeans. Stretched over ample thighs but blackwall tunnel size gaping at the back.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Apr-13 17:28:28

I need to wear clothes designed to fit a teenage boy sad

Twit Thu 18-Apr-13 17:42:53

I need clothes to fit a 12 year old boy with huge nooks and a slight pot belly
I dread summer, layering is fine, but summer... sad

iklboo Thu 18-Apr-13 17:52:02

Shorts. I look like Lofty from It Ain't Half Hot Mum if I try.

TrampyPants Thu 18-Apr-13 17:53:37

skater dresses. Who actually wears them? apart from extras on Glee?

I look pretty good in a skater dress as long it's the right material!

TrampyPants Thu 18-Apr-13 17:56:45

I think its the skirt thats a problem for me. I look better in pencil skirts prom dresses are horrific.

I am the opposite, I look horrendous in pencil skirts. based on my figure, they should look good but they really really don't. I look much better in something that flares out and hides my stomach flap as bestowed on me by a twin pregnancy and a c-section.

BurnThisDiscoDown Thu 18-Apr-13 18:15:59

Gilets. They make me look fat and grumpy.
Skinny jeans. Look like a parsnip.
Polo necks. Give me boobs like a shelf.

lowercase Thu 18-Apr-13 18:40:03

Reassuring thread smile

Can't do low rise or sleeveless.
Can't do heels of any description.

Straight up straight down flat arsed I love a shirt dress.

hattymattie Thu 18-Apr-13 19:43:58

Anything with belts as I'm straight up and down so it looks like the belt is round a toilet roll tube. I would love to do shirt dresses but can't. Shirt collars look weird - not sure why and shirts always pull across the boobs.

Jenijena Thu 18-Apr-13 19:55:21

Don't do sandals (ugh, feet), anything above 3/4 length sleeves (ugh, arms) and anything which exposes legs-not-in-tights. I'm not a summer person...

Any shirt that isn't from Pepperberry
Pretty much all trousers and jeans
Polo necks

toffeefee Thu 18-Apr-13 22:14:05

Drjohnsonscat - I ask that very question all the time!! It's funny as my one friend who can go into any shop and things just fit her really well hates her figure!

Clothes- anything supportless (boobs heading south)

Make-up - red lipstick. I look like a badly done up drag queen sad

pseudonymity Fri 19-Apr-13 03:10:45

I agree with so many of these. I can't wear:

Shirt dresses
Wrap dresses
Biker jackets (they are too middle aged)
Tailored trousers (12 inch difference between waist and hips)
Knee boots (just feel restricted)
I'm happy with tight dresses but hate tight tops with tight bottoms (Carol Vorderman)
Blingy/posh bags (feel ridiculous, like I am carrying a prize turkey around)
Tight tees in general (just yuck)

Things that I like that other people find difficult:

Polo necks - especially dresses
Sleeveless tops - arms have always been a good feature, envy of friends

TheRealFellatio Fri 19-Apr-13 04:09:33

drjohnson you and I must be twins separated at birth! I have the same issue with tailored shirts, as well as trousers and skirts. If they fit me on the bust they are too shapeless in the body, too wide on the shoulders and too long in the arm. If I buy petite size they are great in the shoulder and the arm but too short in the body. If I buy something that fit's neatly at the waist I have to leave buttons undone from ribcage upwards, and wear a vest top underneath, and the buttons will strain on my boobs.

My legs are short and dumpy and I have a low-slung arse, so if I wear straight or skinny jeans I look like a parsnip. If I wear baggy boyfriend jeans I look about three sizes bigger than I am. So I stick to bootcut - they may be 'over' but at least they don't make me look laughable.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Fri 19-Apr-13 04:52:49

Trousers - yet to find a pair that don't say 'hello, have you noticed my saddle bags and my wide flat British Bottom - let me draw your attention to them.'

I love skater dresses - my legs are great from mid thigh down, but they hide said saddlebags and wobbly upper thigh action.

Also YY to
- shirt dresses - ridiculous pockets on boobs, potato sack waistline
- shirts
- sleeveless in public - arms are moley and pale though tragically quite toned.
- anything unstructured and floaty
- suits

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