Is it best to "surprise" DH and come home with short hair?

(88 Posts)
Watfordsue Mon 04-Feb-13 14:07:50

Hi Girls, I am in a dilema about what to do about cutting my hair. Like most men DH likes it long but I am so desperate to cut it I am scared he will talk me out of it. I am very petite and I always had Pixie cuts till I was about 19 and then grew it as boys liked long hair. Since having DS1 six years ago I started wearing it simply all scraped back in a band permanently off my face, This was great and easy especially when DS2 and DD1 came along! When we manage to get out together I try to make the effort with the heated rollers and wear it loose and curly, DH thinks its sexy. When DD was two last year I felt I needed a job as after spending years with babies I was short of adult conversation and when DH came home it was always baby talk. I managed to get a perfect Part Time job in a local cafe, I absolutely LOVE it, I have gained confidence, got my slim figure back, I feel I am contributing to the family and most importantly I feel so much better about myself. The only problem with working in a cafe is the smell........I come home and stink of food all over me. I tend to shower every morning and again quickly when I get home but the problem is that I just don't have the time to wash my hair daily after work and it stinks of fried food all the time. Even though its scraped back I can smell it round my face and my bedding and pillows stink also. I feel going back to a simple Pixie cut would be perfect, 30 seconds blowing and I will feel great, the problem is DH, if I mention that I would like to cut my hair short, he will probably say how much he likes me long and I will feel guilty cutting it, the other option is to just have it done after work, he then comes home to a sassy new wife and I just surprise him. My friends are undecided on what is best to do, they also have husbands who like long hair! My Mum who went through the same thing with my Dad said it was 10 years before she finally cut hers, I can't put up with this that long. Mum came out with a good line and said, " You are nearly 30, a big mortgage and 3 kids, what can he do!!"

I would appreciate advice on what to do.......

I have posted this on two boards as I am unsure which is best.

Thanks

buttercrumble Mon 04-Feb-13 14:10:14

Just go for it and suprise him, it sounds like you will look amazing. I bet he will love it....

ellangirl Mon 04-Feb-13 14:10:26

It is your hair!

OscarPistoriusBitontheside Mon 04-Feb-13 14:14:37

Go for it, it's your hair! I did this years ago went to the hairdressers with waist length blonde hair. Came
Home with bobbed brown! grin DH was shockhmmconfused and ds1 cried, but I liked it. Now it's shoulder length brunette.

The point here is that you definitely want it cut short - so go get it done - and yes, 'surprise' him if you think he'll try to talk you out of it grin

Casmama Mon 04-Feb-13 15:55:34

Surprise him and if he says that he prefers it long then offer to grow it if he will wash and blow dry your hair for you every evening!

polyhymnia Mon 04-Feb-13 17:21:05

Agree with everyone else. Its your hair. You know you will look great with it cropped. Just do it and let him get used to it,

Fanjounchained Mon 04-Feb-13 17:51:16

Get it cut short it that is what you want. If he's so keen on long hair then tell him to buy a wig grin

(And for what it's worth there are a lot of men out there that like short hair too...)

Fluffycloudland77 Mon 04-Feb-13 18:03:30

I did that once.

Never again, I hated it and dh called me bob for ages. Because I had a bob (you had to be there).

thixotropic Mon 04-Feb-13 18:22:40

Hmmmm

I allowed dh to dissuadee from going back to the shirt hair I'd had in my teens. I knew short suited me better, and I was getting pissed off with the faff of long hair.

I surprised him (and me) by getting it all cut off one day.

I loved it. And after years of going on about how nice long hair is, he just looked at me and said 'ooh you were right, you look loads better with it short'

mrssmooth Mon 04-Feb-13 18:28:07

Well, like others have said, it's your hair, so do it if it's what you really want. But if it's because of the smell after work, then even if it's short, it's still going to smell!

Could you not wash your hair after work/at night? Then that way you're not going to bed with smelly hair?

Yes, just get it done, I have to say it wouldn't have ever occurrerd to me to tell DH before getting a haircut, I just go out and do it.

VenusRising Mon 04-Feb-13 18:48:42

Why don't you get another job?
Better than having to get a divorce!

I know it's your hair, yadda yadda but your DH has already said he finds you sexy with long hair - what if he finds you unsexy with short hair? Seriously, what will you do then?

I'd go for another job tbh as it's the smell of the food etc that's the problem in my eyes.

Sorry to all the feminists.... I know it shouldn't make a difference, but I find that men are pretty visual, and if they don't have an appetite, they don't eat IYKWIM!

VenusRising Mon 04-Feb-13 18:49:43

I am also speaking from experience, Bob!

sarahseashell Mon 04-Feb-13 19:12:42

but she said she likes the job venus. Why not just tell him OP? I think that's better than 'surprising' him tbh

CareerGirl01 Mon 04-Feb-13 19:18:06

Can you get it cut shorter, and do it gradually so he gets used to it?

Gigondas Mon 04-Feb-13 19:35:02

Well I am fucked then Venus as I had enforced short hair due to chemo hmm- it is a particularly crass and simplistic thing to say .

Op- I think it is up to you and if you look as good as you think go for it. But if you are only doing it cos of food smells , the poster who said it won't help is right. Can you get a scarf or something to tie round

Jelly15 Mon 04-Feb-13 21:25:48

I sort of agree with the majority, it is your hair do what you want, but what if your DH did something to his apperance you didn't like, such as grow a beard/shave it off of he already has one? Would you feel a little hurt when he knew you found him sexy the way he was? Can you soften the blow by a mid length style first then the chop next a few weeks later.

Geordieminx Mon 04-Feb-13 21:30:51

Perhaps re-post this in the Feminist section... I'm sure you will get loads of replies over there wink

It would help with the food smells though, as it will make it vey quick and easy to wash and dry after work whereas now it probably takes ages to dry. When mine was short I never needed conditioner and it took about 30s to blow dry, now below the shoulders it's the full shampoo and conditioner routine every time and either walk round with it wet for several hours or a good 20 mins blowdrying, too much for every day.

polyhymnia Mon 04-Feb-13 22:42:35

Yes, obviously it will be miles easier to wash after work if it's shorter.
Can't believe suggestion you change your job for this reason is serious.
Also find it hard to believe anyone's DH/DP's attraction to their partner is wholly related to their hair length in isolation from all their other physical and non-physical qualties -to the extent the relationship is dependent on it, as venus's comment implies.

Fanjounchained Tue 05-Feb-13 12:58:02

Do you watch the news/read the papers at all Venus....jobs are a wee bitty thin on the ground at the moment..just thought I'd mention it...

INeedThatForkOff Tue 05-Feb-13 19:46:19

Christ on a bike ... boys like long hair; DH thinks it's sexy - what do you like?

I think you should just go for it. You know you like it short, you know it suits you, and it is your hair! If you tell him he will probably just try and persuade you not to, and it sounds like you know exactly what you want, so is there really any point in discussing it? If you feel good about your hair you will be more confident, and confidence is attractive.

OP if your DH divorces you on the basis of your hair style then you'd be well rid. However, I suspect he is not a shallow moron who wants a pneumatic doll with bottom length tresses for a wife, so you'll likely be ok.

My DH would like me to dress like a prostitute every day. Needless to say I don't. He loves and finds me attractive anyway. Equally, I would like my DH to look like Ryan Reynolds. He doesn't. I love and find him attractive anyway.

Go for it OP, it's your hair and your life, and any man worth his salt will support you in all things and want you at your happiest.

AnyFuleKno Wed 06-Feb-13 07:10:03

This topic would make a great magazine article and/or episode of The Wright Stuff...

ledkr Wed 06-Feb-13 07:11:23

Oh dear hmm

VenusRising Thu 07-Feb-13 11:01:48

Sorry about your illness Gigondas.

I was specifically answering the OP, when she said her DH has complimented her on her long hair, and how he likes it that way.

In no way was I saying that your post chemo hair was un attractive, or short hair in general, was not attractive: just that the OPs DH has expressed his particular preference for her long hair.

The OP could find a similar job, she needn't work in a badly ventilated place.
There are other cafés, no doubt. It seems the smell of the food is the problem, not the length of hair. I'm sure shell find something else, she's not unemployable after all and showed resourcefulness and determination getting this job: why not another? She's not without options.

To me it's a no brainier that she needs to find another better ventilated environment to work in, and maybe please her DH as well - that's not such a bad thing to do, rather than chop off her hair, to spite her relationship, as it were?

moajab Thu 07-Feb-13 13:14:01

Cut your hair short if it's what you want, but don't be surprised if your DH doesn't even notice. My DH didn't....

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 13:18:59

Oh, god, I despair. I really, really do.

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 13:25:49

Me too seeker. Am I the only one who'd shave my head if dh said he didn't like it short.
I had a chemo baldy too years ago and n ever grew it back to long again.

Really, Venus? You think finding another job, in the present climate, is a better alternative than cutting her hair into a style she would prefer, in order to keep hubby happy?

Oh god, someone throw her to the feminists.

You don't know for sure he won't like it. You think he will 'probably say how much he likes it long' but he might not. He might not like the smell either or genuinely not be that bothered if you rarely have it down as he prefers.

I would mention you were going for a haircut in passing. Say you need it shorter. I wouldn't go into details and say you were having it all chopped off so he won't try to talk you out of it and then I would just go and get it done. If you are sure it does suit you and you will like it, even if your DH is a bit shock to begin with, I am sure he will get used to it and love it too with a little bit of time.

If your DH only loves you for your hair, he probably isn't worth hanging on to anyway. Most men aren't that shallow though.

carrie74 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:32:41

I agree entirely with Amber and ledkr

PrincessRagnhild Thu 07-Feb-13 13:43:43

Go for it OP, he might like long hair but if Pixies really suit you then he'll probably love that too. I'd tell him beforehand, say why you want to cut it (not just because of the inconvenience, but also because you really want to - he can't argue with that!)

Anyway, it's not like its permanent, you can grow it back. And if your DH only likes you for your hair then you have other, bigger problems! Plenty of men out there like short hair. My DH, uncle and dad all prefer short hair on women because they love being able to see their necks!

polyhymnia Thu 07-Feb-13 13:52:54

What Amber and princess said!

ZolaBuddleia Thu 07-Feb-13 14:03:58

You see, I think all those men who say they only find long hair attractive (yawn) are thinking that the only alternative to long hair is this.

Surely if he likes the rest of your style he should find your new hair attractive too?

RedPencils Thu 07-Feb-13 14:06:03

Find anothe job? Did I wake up in the 50s this morning?
I'd probably just say I'm going to the hairdressers, but then DH is never up for long chats about my hair.

alarkaspree Thu 07-Feb-13 14:09:30

Get it cut short, it's your hair and you like it that way.

Get a wig for special occasions.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 14:24:34

My dp likes my hair long- this thread is making me want to take my sewing scissors to it NOW!

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 16:30:02

Ill do it seeker with my bread knife.
Yes of course just get another job! Don't want to disappoint your man by cutting off your own hair so just get another job.
What could be simpler and more rational confused

Gigondas Thu 07-Feb-13 16:48:30

I have a rusty old razor to finish it seeker.

Am with you ledkr- my hair went short due to chemo. I like it like this now.

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 17:02:18

And curly?

ratbagcatbag Thu 07-Feb-13 17:38:18

My DH loves angeline jolie, I have not one feature that is anyway comparable to her, it's just how it is. My hair ranges between mega short and just short, I go from pink, to fire engine red to brunette. I don't ask him about it I just do it. Mind you he thinks it suits me.

Better yet OP pack the job in. Leaves you more time to curl your hair and make yourself pweety for the big man coming home after a long hard day at work.

Don't forget his drink upon arrival now...

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 17:53:40

And a clean pinny of course.

God yes, don't do what you want with your hair. I mean your DH might not want to have sex with you if you do.

Don't you know you have to dress to please your husband so he will bestow the honor of his cock to you?
And if that means long hair, 5 inch stilettos and greeting him at the door wrapped in nothing but cling film every night then that's what you have to do.

After all, what else are you there for other than to please him?

I actually despair at some of the responses on here.

BIWI Thu 07-Feb-13 18:12:17

This is so depressing.

If you like your hair short, and there are also practical reasons for having it cut, then have it cut.

Using words like 'scared' in this context to talk about your husband's reaction is truly, truly shocking.

And what is even worse is other people suggesting you should get another job, to prevent you having to cut your hair off.

Seriously? What planet/century is this?

ledkr Thu 07-Feb-13 18:16:11

BIWI but boys prefer long hair donchaknow grin
I met dh at the door today in stained combats and crated cheese in my short hair. I do hope he still luffs me

MrsGeologist Thu 07-Feb-13 18:26:15

OP, just get it cut. If your DH doesn't like it, it'll grow back.

FWIW I'm in the "I'd shave my head if my DH said he wanted me to have long hair" camp. It's my fucking hair, I'll do what I please with it.

NoelHeadbands Thu 07-Feb-13 18:31:37

Just get it cut and if your DH doesn't like it, tell him to get the fuck over it..

FWIW I prefer my DH clean shaven and he knows it. So on special occasions he shaves his stubble off. The rest of the time he suits himself as he hates shaving and likes the stubbly look. And it's his face. I get over it

Eliza22 Thu 07-Feb-13 19:24:16

Christ! I've been watching this thread for years or maybe, it just feels that way

Did you get it cut? Please, put us out of our misery and DO SOMETHING!

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 19:46:18

"OP, just get it cut. If your DH doesn't like it, it'll grow back"

No. If dh doesn't like it, he'll get over it.

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 19:52:11

Hi Girls set the tone for this OP

it didn't improve (or make me feel it was even real) after that

Rainbowinthesky Thu 07-Feb-13 19:57:36

I can't believe you are even considering this! You already know your dh likes your hair short - why oh why start a thread debating to go against him? Your poor, poor dh sad
Would counselling help? For you, of course.

Rainbowinthesky Thu 07-Feb-13 20:02:39

Did I kill the thread? Oops. Was tongue in cheek...

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 20:09:27

Fancy waiting only 5 mins before you decide you killed the thread !

Needy attention-seeking, or what ? wink grin

Rainbowinthesky Thu 07-Feb-13 20:13:24

anyfucker - it's a busy night. I expected plenty of responses to my post wink

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 20:15:33

heh

Beaverfeaver Thu 07-Feb-13 21:04:37

I got mine cut short about 7 years ago
And DH still goes on at me to grow it long. Its now just pass shoulders

CheeseStrawWars Thu 07-Feb-13 21:11:59

"I always had Pixie cuts till I was about 19 and then grew it as boys liked long hair"

<weeps>

DieWilde13 Thu 07-Feb-13 21:21:32

It is your hair and you wear it the way you want it. Dh is allowed to voice his opinion but will live with whatever you choose to do!

For crying out loud, how old are you? confused

MustafaCake Thu 07-Feb-13 21:34:53

This is a wind-up isn't it?

In 2013, do women really chose their hairstyles to please their husbands?

<shoots self>

GettingGoing Thu 07-Feb-13 21:40:14

It depends on your relationship and how visual it is. Would you still feel the same if he grew a long beard, or shaved his hair/dyed his hair blue?

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 21:57:57

what are "visual" relationships, exactly ? confused

That would be not a proper grown up relationship AF

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 22:06:22

oohhhh

< light dawns >

grin

Watfordsue Fri 08-Feb-13 01:29:07

Hi everyone, thanks for all your comments and advice. I think I came over a bit soft, I certainly don't do as he says, in fact he has never told me to do anything, however I agree it is my appearance and as such I will decide. The reason I was a bit hesitant is because we do both like to please each other in many aspects of our relationship. Anyhow, I have sorted out the issue, I have decided to have a beauty spa day package together with my cousin, for facials, nails, brows etc.... including a new hairstyle. I have told DH that I will be coming home looking like a new wife, he was pleased and said have a great day! Some of you may think I am mad but I feel better at least warning him. So, we will book it for next Saturday and see how it goes.
Thanks for all your advice.

KristinaM Fri 08-Feb-13 07:14:07

Hope you have a lovely day sue. and do post photos of your new hair style, if you are feeling brave :-)

ithaka Fri 08-Feb-13 07:22:53

Coming late to this, but I had my hair cut short recently. My DH & I have been together for over 20 years and he has only ever known me with long hair.

I did tell him I planned to get it cut and his reaction was 'go for it'. I love my short hair and it is definitely more stylish. However, DH did admit, when pushed, he preferred it long....I have thought about it but I have decided to stay short for the time being. It looks better and DH is getting used to it - he isn't someone who really likes change.

For all the concerned 1950s types, it hasn't affected our sex life. Some men are still capable of doing the deed when their wife ha short hair (unbelievable, I know).

Eliza22 Fri 08-Feb-13 09:00:30

I have short hair (pics on profile). DH loves it. What he hates is any procrastination or whining on my part. He just doesn't understand the women's "shall I grow it....stay short?" thing. That's because he has a short back and sides and makes daily decisions about very important stuff..... A haircut just doesn't signify "major" to him.

Have a great day OP and upload a pic of the new you, if you will smile

KristinaM Fri 08-Feb-13 10:30:30

Indeed Ithaka. If men only had sex with women who looked like Barbie, the human race would have died out long ago.

KristinaM Fri 08-Feb-13 10:34:19

TBH with 3 small kids, a big mortgage and a job I love, getting enough sex would be WAY down my list of priorities. ( Unlike getting enough time alone/ to pee without company /shopping/out with friends /chocolate ice cream /wine.) But each to their own wink

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 08-Feb-13 10:40:44

men are pretty visual, and if they don't have an appetite, they don't eat IYKWIM!

jeez, if my dh was that shallow he could starve then. hmm

Enjoy your spa day op.

Trills Fri 08-Feb-13 11:41:04

He won't "come home to a sassy new wife"

He will come home to the same wife, with the same level of sassiness, as he always had, but with a different haircut.

Enjoy your spa day and your haircut - make sure that you get the cut that you want. I would normally recommend going to see the hairdresser and talk before you agree to let them cut your hair in a drastic way, but if you are clear enough about what you want ("pixie cut" is too vague on its own) I'm sure it'll be great.

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 14:53:27

I keep coming back to this thread to depress myself further. I have forgotten the use of the word "sassy"- thank you soooooo much for reminding me. Not.

<seeker shambles away, a broken woman>

KristinaM Fri 08-Feb-13 16:57:35

I blame johnnie Boden

PickledInAPearTree Fri 08-Feb-13 19:07:30

Waaaaaa! This thread is hilarious.

I only read it to see why it broke seeker.

Now I see. grin

ledkr Fri 08-Feb-13 19:14:50

It's shocking isn't it? I particularly like "boys like long hair" do they indeed?

PickledInAPearTree Fri 08-Feb-13 19:21:31

My favourite was get a new job! Waaaaa!

ledkr Fri 08-Feb-13 19:24:38

Oh yes if course. Far easier.than washing your sodding hair eh?

PickledInAPearTree Fri 08-Feb-13 19:36:15

I would quite like my hair to smell like bacon n egg! grin

ledkr Fri 08-Feb-13 19:47:20

Yeah make a nice change from fags and beer ha ha

Heifer Fri 08-Feb-13 20:18:42

Lol at a visual relationship.
I sometimes look like a sack of sh*t but am pretty sure DH still loves me. I can't imagine him saying "no sorry I can't possible shag you with short hair"!!

ledkr Fri 08-Feb-13 20:53:47

My dh would just be glad of a shag to be honest!
IM FUCKING TIRED alright <tuts>

Fanjounchained Sat 09-Feb-13 08:53:23

grin ledkr !

Eliza22 Mon 11-Feb-13 09:27:38

OP, is it done? smile

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