When you and your 4 year-old don't agree(85 Posts)
DD has just started school and wants to make sure she doesn't look 'babylish' (really, she's obiously picked it up and misheard it) and now we can't agree on anything clotheswise.
Things she has aske d me for lately are This little number
and leopard print
I want to sob. I know she feels anxious about the whole thing and I want to get something she likes but I can't resign myself to these (maybe the leopard?)or find anything we might agree on.
Any ideas what I could get her?
I don't mind the first two
The third link just takes me to the home page
I feel your frustration though. I have a 5 year old who now has her own opinion of what she likes.
It s. s I my g easier to d see s s my tod. Doer D Dd2. Be aus e s he d. Leant. Are
Aargh! My iPhone keyboard went crazy! That is supposed to say:
It's so much easier to dress my toddler DD2 because she doesn't care!
she needs a new special outfit and I really want her to be happy. i bought her this whole Hello Kitty outfit I thought she was going to adore and she just looked horrified.
Dont really see the problem with the first two??
I dont like the leopard. But I dont like any animal print at all so maybe thats just my taste.
The first two are nice, with thickish tights
third I don't like personally
It does get tricky though, DD is 5 (yr1) and is getting very picky about what she likes and doesn't like!
The first two are nice, the third is horrendous. Surely with tights they'd be fine. Can't see a problem. It could be worse my ds has decided that when not in school uniform he wants to year pajamas and dressing gown.
Really? Don't mind them... Hmm . Maybe I disagree with everyone then. Which doesn't make the problem any easier for me.
Maybe I don't like them because they're black.
I can only get the first two links to work but honestly I think they are fine.
It is just me them. I do think they're horrid though.
Link to what you want her to wear? TBH a Hello Kitty outfit does sound fairly horrendous.
I am slightly concerned, as the work PC has declared your links to be unsavoury so i shall give your DD the benefit of the doubt.
What would you prefer her to wear?
(I agree with you, btw, but DD1 has been making wardrobe decisions since she was about 15 months old so... only from the things I buy for her, though!)
It's not on the website. It was leggings and a tunic with Hello kitty with a sequin bow. You know the sort of thing. T'was nice.
I think the things I would think she looked adorable in would be definitely babylish.
I can't really find anything I like TBH.
I thought this might be a good compromise.
Are you for real? those dresses are fine with leggings. Bit tacky sure...but she's 4. They like tat. Just find her some nice things with ruffles....then she'll be happy.
What's "baby-lish"? Do you mean Babyish?
And as far as I am concerned, a 4 year old should wear what it is comfy in. end of.
It's her mishearing of babyish.
Yes. I really don't like those dresses.
first two are sweet, really dislike the third tbh.
Ds started reception this year too and I was warned he would change and not like his pre school favourites. He is getting more into George Pig every day
I thought you were going to link to something with a teenage slogan or a bikini with g-string!!
I can't see the issue with the top 2. The leopard is ick though.
I think 4 is probably the start of them noticing clothes because they are at school and going on play dates etc.
Maybe time to accept that shes grown out of hello kitty and the like. But try to find a happy medium between your taste and hers. That will be hard.
My DD turns 4 in Feb. <sobs>
I expected to see a puffball fairy dress with wings and Wellington boots. (I kid you not this was what dd now aged 9 wanted to wear when she was 4 so I just let her go with it).
Honestly those dresses are fine
It all starts here. Before you know it she'll be 9 and refusing to be seen dead in a school coat from next because it's black and black is soooooo boring. And old apparently.
She bloody loves hello kitty! That's what I can't understand about that outfit. I just took it back though.
I feel your pain op. would hate my dd to wear those.
I tell you, the kid can't carry off black.
Asmywhimsytakesme - thank god I'm not the only one.
No. My DD would look odd in black too
Shes still in peppa pig.
I am very upset about this really. I thought it might last longer than 4 fgs.
How is she getting to pick these item?
For my 4 year old the clothes arrived in the house; went in to the wardrobe and child could select from those items.
There was no looking at brochures or going shopping.
If you are a snob don't look for girls clothes in Matlan, go to Debenham's and take out a mortgage.
Some Next and some M&S is ok.
Sainsbury's can be ok, tesco on line may be ours doesn't have a lot of clothes.
ASDA is a bit Matlanish. DD2 has some very dubious purple leopard print trousers.
Likewise H&M has nice coloured jeans and stipy tops and some dubious choices too.
DDs nices quality things have been fat face and crew, but they are £££ and casual not dresses.
Only monsoon and Debenham's do real party dresses and the prices are vile.
I have boys and haven't a clue. I wouldn't wear them but the first two don't look so bad, in my mind they're younger than Hello Kitty and leggings. I won't comment on the 3rd because I don't like animal prints.
Wish I could wear a puff ball skirt and wellies. Caught that auto correct just in time, I almost posted puff ball skirt and willies!
[http://m.marksandspencer.com/mt/www.marksandspencer.com/Girls-Mini-Limited-Leggings-Outfit/dp/B0048JS042?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_2&nodeId=56935031&sr=1-2&qid=1349386872&pf_rd_r=0FFM5MTY02SYE9Q4ST6Y&pf_rd_m=A2BO0OYVBKIQJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_i=56935031&pf_rd_p=321381387&pf_rd_s=related-items-3 brown dress with stars M&S]
I'd let her at it. those dresses are fine(except the leopard one). I have DD2, and I hate what she wears, desperate combinations, but I picks my battles, and tend to let her at it. If she thinks she's lovely, then so be it, and I (almost) always agree, and send her off happy out. That's all that matters.
We went thru a phase where all she wanted to wear was tights (the more lurid the better), and a top (long sleeved t shirt). I used to argue that one, but sometimes I didn't win. We have a picture of her skating in Disneyland Paris in yes, tights and a top. In my defence I was v tired and could only argue so much. She's still not a bit embarrassed by this photo. We might roll that photo out for her 18th. Or wedding or summat.
Can't see anything wrong with the first 2 dresses, 2nd one is actually quite cute. 3rd one is awful, but not as bad as the Next one you thought would make a good compromise - now that's tacky imo! BUT she's 4 and will look adorable in whatever she wears, so why not make life easy for yourself and let her have her own way (within reason)?
They are woeful. I can not abide black on children. Those dresses make me itch, all of them.
Do girls really encourage 80's fashion on each other?
Dresses are fine. My dd has been making her wardrobe decisions since she was 3, pick your battles.
I'm with mirpuppet. Dd is 6. She does get to choose what she wears, from the clothes that Mummy has already chosen . She'll have plenty of time to choose her own clothes. Mind you though I do let her choose things for parties and special occasions, usually Gap or H&M and she's actually got really good taste.
I have seen many a thread on here telling me its wrong to put little girls in pink. Now black as well. What colour is acceptable?
FWIW my DD (4) had the M&S dress MrsBonkers suggests and looks adorable in it, and she picked that one! She is blonde with green eyes and pale skin. Black doesn't really suit her, and she doesn't seem comfortable in it IYKWIM.
On the right girl those first two dresses would look lovely though. Not the leopard skin one though.
I agree with those of you who say, "my DD does not get to choose her own clothes. I choose her clothes and she chooses out of the wardrobe!"
However, if I buy something that DD1 doesn't like she will never choose it out of the wardrobe so it's a waste of money! I never have the option of taking it back to the shop because she always tells me that she likes it because she worries about hurting my feelings, so I might as well let her choose something.
I still can't see the Leopard print link, perhaps because I'm on my phone but I'm not a fan of leopard print for little girls. There is a lovely red coat,in Next, that I like for DD2 but I'm put off by the leopard print collar!
My DD would probably adore this but it's quite ££.
She also liked this lace top which I quite like.
M&S have a good sale on at the moment, perhaps try there?
I also cannot abide black on children...so grown up and drab looking.
H&M is always a winner for us, we all shop in there, we must look like a travelling band.
I'm with the mummy picks and dd selects from those crowd!
I don't like either dress, on grounds of both personal taste and on what I deem appropriate for MY four year old.
Would I do a double take or be a judgey pants if I saw another four year wearing them? Absolutely not, wouldn't think twice.
If you are not comfortable with it, stand your ground. She is four year old fgs. If you are finding this difficult ow, wait until she is 13.
OP - I also think they are in poor taste. I am also against black on children... (and skulls and crossbones - I have a Ds2.5 and these are everywhere - yuck!)
For best dresses, try Verbaudet/Jojo/Gap outlet or if you have a bit more money, Boden. Get the dresses she can choose from on screen, let her choose. Make it clear that she can only have one and whichever she chooses, she will be wearing!! Order it, job done! I do this with Boden t-shirts and she gets to choose the one she likes most (pre selected by me!) and that is the one she has to wear all summer.
I also have a 4.5dd and I loathe characters/slogans - mine are only allowed to wear them for bed.
This year we got bored of buying things that she wouldn't wear, so we took her shopping in September, offered her two choices for her 'best' stuff and she chose and helped me hang it all up in the wardrobe. It helped that my husband was there too.. when he said something was pretty she bought into the idea whereas with me she often disagrees because she wants to!
I quite like all 3 dresses. The first 2 aren't as nice as the next dress but i also really like what you picked out. Can you take her shopping and let her pick a few things and you pick a few things?
Well like many other posters I expected to see something far worse! At least she still wants to look like a girl, and a cute one at that! My dd decided she would stop wearing anything pink esp skirts and dresses aged 6 ,basically jeans all the time.
Now she's started secondary school sad she has to wear a skirt (or at least the majority do) and I chuckle inside as every day it seems to get shorter!!
Pick your fights with your kids.....these are party dresses and they're reasonably priced so so just get her one and move on.
P.s I don't go in shops with my two......I give them vetted online options !
Dry your attitude is quite disturbing. You "chuckle" at your free spirited daughter as she bows to inevitable pressure of conforming to a society which expects girls to "look like girls"
I learnt the costly way on the mummy chooses the clothes to buy. Dd wanted to wear pink and I'd have preferred her to wear a wide range of colours - dd would only wear the girlie things she had in pink, bought by other people or given to us, be they too small or with holes, the rest went unworn, she liked pink at 4 and she still likes pink at 10 - even though none of her friends will be seen dead in it. Don't understand the anti-black thing, then again I don't have set view on how kids should look - they all have their own individual style, just like us.
I don't like black on small children either...girls or boys...it's such an adult colour and so dreary.
I think they've all their lives to wear black....it's not cute or sweet....or fun....it's what policemen and office workers wear! Oh...and people who want to look thinner!
Having said that...my niece who is very, very blonde looks very eye catching in a black dress she had for a party....the contrast was lovely....but she is 9.
I haven't been on since last night and haven't read proerly yet, but let me assure you, this is not a serious problem. It as quite a lighthearted post!
She gets to ssee them because we often pop in to use the loo in Matalan on the way home from school and they're on the way to the loo. And Matalan because we live in rural Wales and we have, Next, Matalan and M+Co and that's it.
And DD too, will never put on anything she doesn't like. If I buy something she doesn't like it sits ont he hanger until it's too small, so there's no point. Also she's excellent about schol uniform and getting dressed in general so when she's not at school I let her choose whatever she wants from what she's got. This includes none of the beautiful things bought for her by relatives from Monsoon, Polarn O Pyret etc last Christmas. Usually it's a bunny t'shirt and leggings.
Having said that, on our usual wee in Matalan today we past a tunic and leggings nd DD said, 'I like that mummy,' and I did too so there we are, job done Grey t'shirt with pink butterflys and brown leggings. Who'd have thought.
I'll go back and look at your suggestions later on. We do still 'need' a party dress!
I think M%S have some great party-ish dresses at the mo, could your daughter be persuaded into something like this flowery ensemble? www.marksandspencer.com/Dresses-Young-Girls-1-7-yrs-Kids/b/56935031#page=2&sort=-product_site_launch_date&size=12
or this (I just bought it for my DD's 6th birthday and love it): www.marksandspencer.com/Autograph-Sequin-Embellished-Waistband-Dress/dp/B008ONLCQG?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_23&nodeId=56935031&sr=1-23&qid=1349455624 ?
Hey you've forgotten Peacocks and Store21 !!
There's a really nice navy tunic/dress with red and white stripey sleeves in M&Co but it only goes up to a 4-5 or I'd have bought one for DD1. It isn't on the website but it is virtually identical to this from Boden but a little bit cheaper.
I quite like the Next tea-dress you linked to but it would be nicer in a different pattern/fabric.
Oh I feel your pain. Dd is 8 and for the last 4 yrs is fussy over what she wears. We also seem to clash on taste. Dd likes anything with animal print/fluffy animals and leggings with everything. Also everything had to be pink. Now she's got older her tastes have been influenced by friends and black and darker colours are creaping in and the cute prom style dresses are out. Tonight we battled as she wanted leggings and a jumper for a party and I said nice skinny jeans. We've compromised on smart looking tunic and leggings. There will be times when what they like is hideous. I normally buy what I like and think she will like but then also give her the option of looking on line and selecting some. I've learnt that if she doesn't like it, its a waste of money as it will never get worn.
1st two are fine - I don't think they'd look dreary at all if teamed with thick tights and a hairband in the same accent colour as the dress .
Animal print one is just ugly, and TBH I agree with your daughter that a Hello Kitty tunic-and-leggings ensemble is too cutesy for a school-age child.
If she particularly likes the shape of the two dresses in Matalan, can't you just find her a few tutu shape dresses in colours that you BOTH agree are nice?
I must admit, I really dislike the attitude that children old enough to express preferences about their clothes shouldn't be allowed to choose what they wear (within reason, depending on cost, quality and suitability). Her clothes shouldn't be an expression of your taste or desire to keep her young for as long as possible - they are for her to enjoy choosing and feeling good in, and she's a lot less likely to make ridiculous choices "because she can" as a teenager if she doesn't feel a need to rebel against your preferences (like I did to my poor mum who insisted on dressing me in pink cord jeans with butterflies on at age 10) .
DD finds looking at clothes online very offputting. I think there's too much for her to take in.
I agree about clothes she doesn't like. I learnt my lesson last Christmas: that gorgeous little Pumpkin Patch blouse still has the label on.
How I hate leggings. She wants them all the time. I can see that they're comfortable but I get Oscars for acting every time she asks me, 'Do I look smart mummy?'
PS - I didn't mean that the third dress was totally horrible - the cut is nice, but the print is not! Sorry for the excessively blunt phrasing .
My 4 yo DD has this thing about dresses that reach the floor, so insists on wearing a lurid floral print with padded shoulders that my MIL had for my SIL in the 80s & passed on to her - it's for a 12 year old or something & she looks RIDICULOUS but considers it her party dress.
As a general rule though, she does choose her clothes. I do a bit of editing, & I make unilateral decisions about some things, but I want clothes to be something we share as a mother-daughter thing...
Electic Monk - That is exactly where I come from too. I don't think anything I 've said suggests otherwise. She chooses everything she wears and I think thats the way it should be. Just hate those dresses.
And she bloody LOVES Hello Kitty, I tell you.
Obviously it also doesn't mean she gets everything she chooses but what she does get she has chosen.
I'm sorry LaTrucha, I should have made it clear that my comment about attitudes wasn't aimed at you - more at a couple of posts in this thread and things I've heard more generally, suggesting that this shouldn't be an issue because the parents' preferences are the primary consideration. I completely agree with you BTW .
If she loves HK (and the tutu dresses) but not the tunic and leggings combo, I'm guessing that what she wants is more "grown up" but girly silhouettes to her clothes. Maybe something like one of the dresses below would be a good middle ground?
(Oops, just realised that I still automatically add 2 years when choosing clothes because all of the children in my family have been unusually big for their ages... Sorry about that - it gives a vague idea anyway!)
You could be right about the shape. I'll bear it in mind. I think I'm just flummoxed because I have been to buy with exactly what she likes in mind, not my taste, but I haven't got it yet. Then, like yesterday, we both simultaneusly go, 'Oh. That's nice' and there we are. The first thing she asked for this morning was her new top and leggings. At 6am. A success of sorts.
My dd has a black and pink dress, similar to the first two links and she looks beautiful in it. I don't really see the problem with children wearing black - it's just another colour, after all.
The leopard print monstrosity, should be outlawed!
Funny how Next can make that hideous dress, but also make those lovely jumper dresses with the bows (in grey and pale pink, linked to up thread). No consistency.
Glad you found something you like, OP.
It does make me chuckle, that when our DC are baies, we are so proud of their tiny steps towards independence - holding a toy, using a spoon, crawling, walking.
But by about 4, we have gradually become horrified that this is a person separate to our selves, and we begrudge every attempt by them to show their own personality, or to otherwise be independent.
The first two dresses are cute! FGS I thought you were going to link to a tshirt with a pedo-encouraging slogan.
Pick your battles.... save you energy until she is 14 and wants to wear no coat and a lurid green skirt up to her crotch and glittery lipgloss!
I do not understand what is wrong with black on children. If they want to wear it, go for it. Your kids are not your cute little dollies to dress up Maybe I'm just saying this as a NZer - lots of kids wear black back home!
Sorry - have just seen you found a solution. Hurrah!
Agree op, those dresses are hideous.
I always liked DD in black, even when she was quite small, though she usually wore it with another colour - but I don't think this, or any of the next three pictures here look dreary at all.
I think I was quite lucky with DD's clothes when she was little, because I got lots of them from nearly new sales at school and I regularly got stuff there which had previously been worn by an older girl that DD knew and adored, so if Natasha had worn it, even though it was two years ago, it was fine by her!
She had lots of phases - loved pink, hated pink, loved dresses, hated dresses etc and there were a few clashes as she grew up, but generally I let her have a fairly major say in what she wore, and she has turned into someone with a very definite sense of style - these days she tends to give me style advice, not the other way round!
There is nothing wrong with them, and given she is asking for a party dress, and you are linking to woolly jumpers, I can see why you disagree.
Mind you I literally dragged my 2 year old out of TK MAxx the other day when we were trying to chose a coat, because she wanted a hideous pink shiney barbie coloured coat (it was the pink she doesnt know Barbie) and there is no way I was buying it!!!!!!
We still have no coat.
RustyBear, is that your DD? That little girl is beautiful.
Yes, that's my DD - she's 22 now, and still beautiful (well, I think so, anyway!) - see my profile
She is still beautiful! And she looks great in black.
Black just doesn't suit my daughter. I wasn't being prescriptive about children earing black.
She chose this in the end. Thought you might like to see.
Rusty, yep, she's still gorgeous . She's stunning!
LaTrucha the dress she picked is lovely! I'm glad you ended up with something that you both liked .
My DD looks fine in black but I tend to steer away from it because I don't. It makes me look washed out so I think I do it automatically. She's a completely different colouring to me so she looks great!
Lovely, LaTrucha, good choice!
I have noticed that I dress my dd (6) like a very large toddler. She is oblivious (doesn't care about looking babylish ) she only wants comfy clothes and isn't willing to wear anything too structured so she ends up in knitted dresses/tights and tops/leggings.
I just cant bring myself to buy her black (it wouldn't suit her) and know why you are objecting to your dd's choices, but the head to toe bright colours are starting to make my dd look babylish (love that word!) now she's changed shape into a propper child (no toddler chubbyness) I'm struggling to find clothes which are colourful but with enough attitude for a 6yo.
but given the choice she would only wear pyjamas...... Sometimes as a parent you have to step in!
p.s. No to leopard print. just No.
Like the first two, love the third. My DD3 age 3 has that but with long sleeves. Personally I would let her chooses from the clothes you buy/recive from presents etc and not start the whole shopping thing. My nearly 11 year old is anightmare, save yourself the hassle now.
She is really quite set on leopard print! I'm hoping to find something like a denim dress with a leopard trim on ebay to satisfy her. (there is one in Next but it's a very odd shape) Lord knows where that one came from.
Show her a picture of Bet Lynch - that'll learn her
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