OH MY GOD MY FANJO IS ON FIRE

(99 Posts)
VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:12:26

WHO WAS IT <glares at GetOrf and TattyDevine> that told me to Nair "sensitive" my undermost undercarriage?!

I obeyed and have previously applied carefully with a round mirror and then sat zen-like in the Lotus position for the full 15 mins before swaggering carefully to the shower a la John Wayne for removal, but this is my fourth time and I got cocky and didn't bother with the mirror, and then the bastard postman knocked while I was fanjomeditating and I had to walk downstairs and answer with a towel wrapped round my waist.

The result is that the Nair seems to have smeared into my innermost fanjo and although it didn't hurt that much when I was showering it off, I have just attempted a wee and I nearly screamed in pain. IT BURNS. I have just now retrieved my round mirror and a bit right down near my bum is scarlet and raw sad <wails>

Is there a quick fix? It's smothered in Sudocrem but I'll need to finish that wee soon enough. HELp

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:14:13

<<calls fire brigade>>

(helpful)

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:15:07

Sorry blush

Sudocreme is the only thing I can recommend.

Hopefully someone more useful will be along by the time I click post message

MamaMaiasaura Thu 22-Mar-12 13:16:48

Lol sorry

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:05

Norma I rather fancy getting my fanjo sprayed at high velocity by a crowd of uniformed men...

<base>

NO! STOP JOKING I'M IN PAIN.

Jackstini Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:10

Sit on an icepack?
OUCH!

piprabbit Thu 22-Mar-12 13:17:57

I'm sorry, but if you will go around slathering your most sensitive parts in a chemical that dissolves hair then you might expect a little smarting.

You wouldn't pour drain cleaner on your fanjo if MN told you to would you. Would you?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 22-Mar-12 13:19:16

According to mn veet is drain cleaner...

headfairy Thu 22-Mar-12 13:20:15

resort to the time honoured method of peeing when you've had a baby, pour a jug of warm water over your nether regions as you pee, then reapply tons of Sudocreme and vow to never answer the doorbell when your fanjo is smeared with chemicals again

MessNessPess Thu 22-Mar-12 13:21:07

Jug of warm water when weeding and lashings of cream be it sudocreme or other nappy creams, I find bepanthan better tbh.

MessNessPess Thu 22-Mar-12 13:22:10

Also apply cotton wool to areas needing protection before hand next time!!

AbsofAwesomeness Thu 22-Mar-12 13:22:23

Repeat after me "ignore everything GetOrf says"

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:31:23

piprabbit I probably would actually sad

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:31:49

<glances woefully at dusty, rejected Babyliss Big Hair>

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Mar-12 13:33:35

Aren't you supposed to just use it for the edges? I thought it said on the paackaging not to use on actual genital areas hmm

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 13:35:26

picnic I wasn't suposed to be, just supposed to be doing the ahem flaps. BECAUSE GETORF AND TATTY TOLD ME TO

I blame the postman and GetOrf and Tatty

fussbucket Thu 22-Mar-12 13:40:06

Gobsmacked this post was not started by ChaosTrulyReigns, the queen of the fanjo disaster. Headfairy's idea sounds the best so far, hope you get your wee out without screaming soon.

YusMilady Thu 22-Mar-12 13:40:46

But the flaps ARE the actual gential area! Your poor, poor fadge. sad

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 22-Mar-12 13:43:57

My brothers friend did this. He wanted to do his ahem, down below parts, and read the instructions wrong. For 5 minutes he read 50 minutes. He applied liberally to his B,S,C. when he showered, a lot of his skin came off. He had serious chemical burns! shock

picnicbasketcase Thu 22-Mar-12 13:44:27

Ouch, that's not good then. I used some on my legs a while ago (having previously used it with no probs) which seemed to burn/blister the skin in places which resulted in little weepy patches, I pretty much decided to never use it again so definitely wouldn't put it near me bits. Go with the pouring water whilst you wee suggestion, hope it heals soon <wince>

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 13:47:13

OK - I have googled and this is the advice on a hair removal site who knew such a thing existed

Treat a chemical burn like any other burn. That is, apply a cool compress, apply some aloe or bacitracin ointment such as Neosporin, and keep the area clean. Unless you are burned severely it should clear up in a couple days.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney Thu 22-Mar-12 13:52:56

Ow ow ow ow ow

Sorry for your vagine OP.

No Next delivery is worth that pain, let the postman ring twice, or many times, next time.

Pinot Thu 22-Mar-12 13:56:44

Cor.

Bet that smarts <helpful>

Let this be a lesson to us all ladies, EMBRACE THE BUSH wink

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 14:07:13

Oh God, is it really a chemical burn?? I don't know what I thought, just irritation from harshness... A BURN sounds so severe. And on my fanjo.

And are my outer flaps really genital? They're skin, not flesh iyswim?

Aaaaaarg I need to do the wee but I'm too scared

EnjoyResponsibly Thu 22-Mar-12 14:08:55

I think it's jolly unfair to blame the Postie for your fanjo inferno (there's a catchy song in there somewhere grin) but yeah by all means blame GetOrf and Tatty.

hazchem Thu 22-Mar-12 14:17:01

Maybe stand in the show with shower head pointed at but water going down and away from your fango like if you had burned a less sensitive area. but do it for like 20 minutes which is the length of time you wash a chemical burn.
I personally wouldn't put any cream on it. Just plenty of cold water.

Good luck with the next wee!

Bletchley Thu 22-Mar-12 14:18:22

You must have really wanted whatever was in that parcel

ElectricSoftParade Thu 22-Mar-12 14:20:00

Yes Vivian, I listened to those two and did much the same thing. It will stop hurting in a few days hours, keep applying the cream.

Mind you, when I showed DH he actually screamed and cowered away from me. That made it worthwhile grin.

8 hour cream helped me a lot.

You could wee in the shower, water running <helpful>

Or - as the wee comes from a wee hole further up, you could sort of buffer the area with loo roll and bend forward at the waist - then the wee goes straight into the loo with no touching IYSWIM. Or so I found postchildbirth, anyway.

SuperSlattern Thu 22-Mar-12 14:21:38

Pinot grin

There is no way I'd put a chemical that dissolves anything on my fanjo <helpful>

I think you should go to your local a and e. At least you'll make them chuckle grin

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 22-Mar-12 14:23:25

I may have made thisup but I think the advice for severe cystitis is wee in the bathconfused dilutes the urine and all that! Not very clean obviously but may soothe the pain!

Disclaimer: that may have come from my mum and have no medical logic or whatever behind itgrin

Sorry for your unfortunate fanjo incident op, hope things improve soon. Yoghurt always seems nice and soothing too.

Pinot Thu 22-Mar-12 14:25:49

The silver lining in all this is that I've learnt a new excellent saying "fanjo inferno".

I mean, it's not a silver lining for you, dear flaming OP, but I'm happy smile

Hassled Thu 22-Mar-12 14:26:35

Yes yes - go to A&E grin. Try and make it the hospital where the film "The Real A&E", even if that means a lengthy drive with the fanjo inferno.

Rainydayagain Thu 22-Mar-12 14:31:54

Wee in the bath! Midwives trick for stitches, tears etc. It works. Cut fluid intake for a few days.

Sorry but i roared with laughter at man reading 50mins....too funny.

Sudocrem lashings!!

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 22-Mar-12 14:39:31

i read the title as "OH MY GOD, FANJO IS ON FIRE" and I was thinking "but I haven't posted very much recently".. grin

Seriously though, sympathies, that sounds awful.

is this a good time to remind you all that we are SUPPOSED to have pubic hair?

Hassled Thu 22-Mar-12 14:43:33

Fanjo grin

TMMJ - yes, good point. Personally I think the woman in the 70s edition of the Joy of Sex had it right.

Rainydayagain Thu 22-Mar-12 14:45:39

Probably better to remind people any idiot can give advice on the internet( my dh favourite comment) when i say but look at this...

Not being smug have a mn hair cut and do ocm - as much a sheep.

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 15:03:20

How's the second half of the wee coming along?

<<overly nosey>>

Sparklingblue Thu 22-Mar-12 15:07:54

I'm intrigues by MessNessPess's advice re the jug of warm water when weeding. Might give the neighbours a bit of a fright smile

WandaDoff Thu 22-Mar-12 15:14:34

We found a 70s copy of the joy of sex when we were clearing out MIL stuff.

Hilariously funny grin

theseventhdwarf Thu 22-Mar-12 15:43:07

Ah op you have my sympathies.
sad
I found A squirty bottle (sports water bottle) filled with tepid water helped peeing after dc's.
Hope you heal up quickly.

AbsofAwesomeness Thu 22-Mar-12 15:51:00

Have you tracked down GetOrf and Tatty? As it's all their fault it's only fair that they attend to your ravaged bits.

iCANdothisiCAN Thu 22-Mar-12 15:56:35

Woh oh ho, your fadge is on fiiiiiiiiiire!

Sorry, couldn't resist wink

My old housemate (male) once came home from work to find me washing the pots. Only after turning to him and saying "hi, how was your day" did I remember I had Immac on my tache.

I know that doesn't help but just serves as another reminder that hair removal cream is evil. fact.

zipzap Thu 22-Mar-12 16:02:48

Op - time to change your username to fanjo inferno!

sweetheart Thu 22-Mar-12 16:05:17

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! grin

Thant is all grin

MissFoodie Thu 22-Mar-12 16:24:16

sh*t
think it was me and mrs martin that told you to do it.......
we both do (brazilian with veet) and never have any problems.......!
sorry sad

VivianDarkbloom Thu 22-Mar-12 16:31:50

MissFoodie angry was it REALLY you? I thought better of mrs martin with her damn amazing S&B advice.

Norma thanks for your concern wink I did sue's trick of leaning forward while I peed to keep it away from The Burn, it wasn't that bad... I have Elizabeth Arden down there now. DP is going to be utterly flummoxed when I explain why I'm out of action tonight. Actually I might make him the sixth person responsible for this (that's 1.*MissFoodie*, 2.*mrsmartin*, 3.the postman, and I still haven't forgiven 4.Getorf and 5.Tatty because I'm Being Unreasonable) because he actually noticed shock the first time I did it and said it was "nice". HIS FAULT.

pantaloons Thu 22-Mar-12 16:37:00

I might have done this before and if that had been the case I might have put Bepanthen on it regularly for a few days. It might make a really good barrier.

Only might mind you! grin

MissFoodie Thu 22-Mar-12 16:44:16

er.... I vaguely recall being on same thread with her and we both recommended it....yes....I even use the Nair Coarse Hair cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We both do it once a week and never have any problems.....

Jackstini Thu 22-Mar-12 16:59:25

Ok - who else is singing "Burn baby burn, fanjo inferno...?"
Glad you have managed a wee & I have just pmsl at " I have Elizabeth Arden down there now"!

Honeydragon Thu 22-Mar-12 17:06:56

Nair is evil

Veet is much much kinder.

ShowOfHands Thu 22-Mar-12 17:18:39

I once tried to Nair a more regular section of my undercarriage. I followed the instructions meticulously and nada. The hair remained. Rock hard pubes me.

Honeydragon Thu 22-Mar-12 17:21:25

<<wonders about Showys irregular parts confused>>

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 22-Mar-12 17:23:33

Sudocrem

And I did post on that thread I think saying there was no way I'd put those chemicals on a regular basis down there - madness.

Hope it feels better soon but I also hope other people don't do this [stern]

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 22-Mar-12 17:24:25

Am sure someone said they did it every day shock

God - a monthly brazilian by a trained waxer is much better and safer.

MrsCampbellBlack Thu 22-Mar-12 17:25:23

Apologies if I sound very told you so but really - I do worry a bit at some of the madder things that get recommended on here in the name of beauty and we really don't know who any of us are.

ameliagrey Thu 22-Mar-12 17:26:37

No- what is really much better is to leave it all alone- it's there for a reason smile

cocolepew Thu 22-Mar-12 17:32:30

You were told not to do it by others on that thread.

You listened to the wrong ones grin.

I have rock hard pubes as well. Not only did the cream not remove any hair, the spatula snapped as well.

DH is dicing with death everytime we have nookie..

MsNorbury Thu 22-Mar-12 17:38:07

Lol. You want the ORIGINAL s and b types back. Not these newcomers. ;)

Loveleopardprint Thu 22-Mar-12 17:41:09

Drink lots of cranberry juice so that your wee is less acidic. This should stop the burning a bit. Sorry to hear of your pain.

PMSL at coco snapping the spatula...

grin

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 18:03:50

I do agee it is better to leave it all intact down there. I didn't want to preach though, so was just dealing with the matter at hand.

[ practical]

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 20:32:16

I so did not want to kill this thread!

UterusUterusGhali Thu 22-Mar-12 21:26:28

Blame GerOrf.

I too have injured the holiest of holeys upon taking her "advice".
angry

NormaStanleyFletcher Thu 22-Mar-12 22:11:55

But why?

Why does your foof, your vag, your labia, or your undercarriage have to be hairless?

LucyManga Thu 22-Mar-12 22:15:51

I cannot believe people NAIR their fanjitas? Jesus...

Go to the doctor tomorrow and confess your sins grin. You need burns cream, not sudo.

And get a fricking wax next time!

Freshlettice Thu 22-Mar-12 22:51:40

You need to apply a barrier cream to the sensitive insidey bits before you put the Veet on your fanjo to avoid this happening. Try vaseline or metanium or other nappy cream.

MissFoodie Fri 23-Mar-12 10:02:13

well, as I said, Mrs Martin will back me up when she's back online, but we both do it every week without any problem.....
the reason I hate waxing is that a) ingrown hair and b) you have to wait at least a month to redo it; I put the Nair on for 10 mins then shower it off...

so, sorry again.....

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 23-Mar-12 10:04:25

With respect though Miss Foodie - you and MrsMartin could be hairy handed truckers delighting in getting women to burn their nether regions wink

If it says clearly on the instructions not to do genitals - well I'd be inclined to believe them.

MrsCampbellBlack Fri 23-Mar-12 10:05:43

Not that I think you are - your taste in jewellery is too good to be a trucker smile

MissFoodie Fri 23-Mar-12 10:10:10

HAHAHAHAHAHA thanks
honestly, I would not have said if I hadn't really done it before, and am amazed as I have sensitive skin but have never had issues with dep cream on bikini line....
on another note, I would avoid any oil based cream (sudocrem, 8 hr, etc) as it will make it feel worse (ie hot), you need water or aloe vera based to cool the skin, maybe something with witchazel in it???

MissFoodie Fri 23-Mar-12 10:10:37

oh, and I use the nair right to the back....
;)

GreenEyedMunster Fri 23-Mar-12 10:13:15

I know I'm probably a bit late but Bepanthen nappy cream is fantastic for this.

piratecat Fri 23-Mar-12 10:14:39

you put it on your flaps.

omg, i thought it was only for stragglers on inner thighs.

MissFoodie Fri 23-Mar-12 10:16:45

er, yes blush

OTheHugeManatee Fri 23-Mar-12 10:42:39

Your poor vagine sad

Sit on a bag of frozen peas?

That'll larn you. A hairy fadge is a happy fadge

Honeydragon Fri 23-Mar-12 12:33:55

I have veeted my bits and the baby and I am not a nethers hating troll. However like everything it does not pay to be complacent, and answering the door was a baaaaaaaaaaaad idea.

I only got it slightly in a place I didn't want it legging it downstairs to let the dog out and it was rather fidgety for a couple of days.

VivianDarkbloom Fri 23-Mar-12 12:43:25

So! I still have Liz Arden down there wink but it’s much better today! Still carefully angling pee at a strict 45 degrees though. Missed the advice about cranberry juice until it was too late and have just downed a vat of freshly-squeezed orange… Oops. That’s gonna hurt. <crosses legs>

Also <TMI> DP and I actually did the dirty last night shock I had warned him that the Safe Word was OUCHOUCHSTOPITGETORFNOITHURTSITHURTSOUCHOUCHOUCH

I notice that only MissFoodie is brave enough to show her face angry Presumably all of the other responsible parties are cowering in the undergrowth. Tatty GetOrf missmartin and postman YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE <sinister>

StellaAndFries Fri 23-Mar-12 13:00:36

OP I'm literally feeling the same pain, we are going away this afternoon so I thought I'd better sort out the old fanjo in preparation for a swimming cossie, whacked the nair on and removed without a wince, had a wee a couple of hours later and by Christ it burns! I daren't wee again now.

NormaStanleyFletcher Fri 23-Mar-12 14:44:39

MUCH respect at doing the deed with a burn down there ! SWMNBN toils be proud ;)

And Arf at the safe word

katfashion Fri 23-Mar-12 17:24:26

I've spent all day dealing with a sick child...this thread has made me laugh out loud, thanks.
ps sorry about your fanjo

katfashion Fri 23-Mar-12 17:24:49

have you thought of waxing?!

MissMacross Fri 23-Mar-12 22:04:14

Suddenly I've never been so glad I stick to plain old razors. (And I never thought I'd say THAT about my nether regions.)

eurochick Fri 23-Mar-12 22:31:13

You left it on for 15 minutes??? Is that advised for Nair? I have used Veet down there with no adverse effects but the pack only advises leaving that on for 3-6 minutes (depending on which one you get). I hop into the shower at the first sign of a tingle - the sign that my bits are getting irritated- regardless of whether or not it has been on for the alloted time or not. This method seems to work for me. I've had no apparent ill effects and I've been doing this for years.

VivianDarkbloom Sat 24-Mar-12 00:29:33

eurochick 10-15 recommended for Nair... Nair SENSITIVE, you understand. Foodie/Tatty/msrm/GetOrf/ postie/DP were VERY specific about that. It must be SENSITIVE you know, else you might sustain, oh, I don't know, a BURN TO THE FANJON.

Hatumph.

OTheHugeManatee Sat 24-Mar-12 07:02:48

I think I like 'FANJON' nearly as much as 'Vagine' grin

TattyDevine Sat 24-Mar-12 08:39:37

OOh! Bwahahahahaha.

Now OP, much as I am sympathetic to your Fanjo of Fire, I don't think we so much "told you to do it" as opposed to saying how we did it with no ill effects.

Certainly I have never got the stuff in my most innermost bits and if I did I'd imagine that would hurt!

Anyway, if you pull your piss flaps completely aside when you wee in theory the wee shouldn't touch any sore bits (haha I'm getting a visual now) grin

SuperSlattern Sat 24-Mar-12 08:53:39

Tatty you are evil grin

That's an image it didn't want in my head

MissFoodie Sat 24-Mar-12 20:34:27

no, I didn't say anything about Nair Sensitive - I said I use Nair for Coarse Hair.....leave it on for 10 mins....never a problem
blush

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Sat 24-Mar-12 21:52:10

Changing the subject slightly, but did anybody read the Classic thread about the funniest bits of childbirth? There's one poster in there, who (IIRC) tried to immac her fanjo before birth, but didn't think it had worked, until the midwife went down there and all her pubes fell off! grin that story always makes me chuckle!

VivianDarkbloom Sun 25-Mar-12 17:07:08

TATTY. You show your face at last. I'd almost given up on you. I note a distinct lack of contriteness angry Just because you're a genius at making waves with GHDs, doesn't mean you get to go burning orf people's innermosts FOR FUN AND SPORT angry

Thanks for the piss flaps wisdom though. That kinda makes up for the Fiery Fanjo(n)...

TattyDevine Sun 25-Mar-12 18:01:27

Just post a vid of the piss flaps technique will you for those who didn't get it the first time... grin

Aperolspritzer Sun 25-Mar-12 23:20:50

got tears reading this, 'flaps' you say - oh well done

but sorry of course, blush

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 13:32:23

Next time, and I suspect there will be a next time wink, wear an old pair of knickers and use that as a template so to speak. Then if you have to get out of the lotus position, the cream will only ruin the pants, and not the rest of your fanjo.

VivianDarkbloom Mon 26-Mar-12 13:37:15

Template pants grin

Excellent idea...

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 13:59:49

You are going to do it again, aren't you grin

VivianDarkbloom Mon 26-Mar-12 14:00:58

Um...

No...

not without barrier cream and template pants

twoistwiceasfun Mon 26-Mar-12 15:19:35

<snurk> grin

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