Help!! Need a summer dress for Sat but piled on weight!

[Makemineacabsauv]

Just that really! Can't get into summer clothes that fitted me in the summer and look like a pregnant balloon! I'm not pregnant btw! So my figure is 38E boobs (Bravissimo confirmed after fab mums bet thread!!) pregnant looking stomach, huge sticking out arse and skinny legs! Very odd looking I know but need help ! Bought a lovely dress in August but can't zip it up now!! Any ideas?! What style would suit me that I can order online and have by Friday as going on hols on Sat?!!