Decluttered and depressed

(41 Posts)
sewbee50 Tue 25-Feb-14 20:47:07

Hi, I've just spent the day throwing out stuff that I don't love sad It's a good thing I know but I'm so cross with myself for buying crap in the first place.

I shopped the sales and bought nigh on everything that fitted me and was in my colour range but none of it worked in my wardrobe.

Scratchy itchy lambswool jumpers/cardigans (less that £20 so bought 3) shit fabric choices - polyester and sweaty and then to top it all off I raided my make-up drawer and threw out 4 foundations.

I could weep. How to break the cycle of buying for the sake of buying only to hoard it all and feel disillusioned later?

I buy thinking it will make me perfect and then beat myself up for not using it and wearing my crap clothes instead.

Is it just me?

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:59:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Viviennemary Wed 26-Feb-14 11:55:58

I do absolutely see your point. I've a few things I don't want, have never worn but can't throw them away as I've paid a fair bit for them. I gave a totally hideous bag and tags never even taken off to charity. It cost me around �15 so not that much. But it was a mistake and a waste of money. I try not to buy in sales now. And don't buy things I'm not that keen on because they're quite cheap like the bag.

HelloBoys Wed 26-Feb-14 11:43:48

Bluebell - I seem to be like you especially with clothes!

It's frightening and something I don't want to do. I think I do it to fill a void.

I have bought some gems in the past month that I know are keepers but otherwise I really need to think what I buy.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:42:35

I feel SO much better knowing it isn't just me thanks

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:40:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Orangeanddemons Wed 26-Feb-14 11:36:50

I never buy in sales. I never wear anything I've bought from them.

I just ignore them and buy the new stuff instead

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 11:34:41

Your clothes are there to serve you, not the other way around, and its not hard to lose sight of that, sometimes, I think.

"Men don't do this do they?" Not the men I know well (eg DH, brother, brother-in-law and my dad). Mind you, they pretty much never shop - I find this odd grin

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:26:49

I understand that feeling sunshine, I've nothing to do with my day and a wardrobe full of going-out clothes that I don't wear.

We're truly our own worst enemy at times! Men don't do this do they?

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:24:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aquelven Wed 26-Feb-14 11:23:37

Sewbee I'm going to make that my motto, " Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes." You're so right smile
Sunshine I do that too, buy clothes for a life that isn't my day to day reality just cos I fall in love with something.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:23:08

Thanks bunnymother I really think I will. I've nothing left that makes me feel crappy!

Today I'm sporting black jeans, red round neck cashmere jumper with a white shirt underneath. I feel fabulous grin

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:21:17

The dress thing is a 'lifestyle' idea for me sunshine I think if I have lovely dresses I can be lovely confused I too live in jeans but hate the restrictiveness of them.

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 11:20:36

"Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes" - correct. And no one is better or more deserving of nice things than you. Put on your lovely things and enjoy them.

sunshinemmum Wed 26-Feb-14 11:17:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:12:33

Have a hug aquelven

Although it was difficult it needed doing and now I can start again. Life's too darn short to spend it in crappy clothes.

I literally held everything in my hand one at a time and said out loud 'do you make me feel good or bad?' the bad pile is huge and is going to be donated or tossed. Everything else can stay.

Chin up and dive in - it really helped me on many levels. Today the sun's shining and all is well. smile

Aquelven Wed 26-Feb-14 11:09:04

The more I read your first post, the more I thought oh dear, this is me too, so you really aren't alone.
Especially the part about needing to give yourself permission to wear & use the good make up & clothes. I'm so guilty of that.
I have lovely things languishing in the wardrobe but, as I work at home & rarely have need to dress up, I tend to wear the same few tired things. I go to get something out & then think what a waste to wear it today when I'm going nowhere & seeing nobody, apart from the dogs. My school run days are past ( my Dcs are grown & flown) & I live in a pretty remote place.
I have far too much stuff! Most of which never gets used. I really need a kick up the backside to start to do what you're doing.
I feel guilty & depressed about it too.

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:07:58

Yoga pants sound intriguing mrswelly will have a look at M&S too. Thanks!

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 11:06:38

They look very stylish hopefully!

The jersey idea is a great one, more fluid I expect than my chunky tracksuit bottoms and therefore more flattering.

I don't want to be too spendy on anything for a while so will avoid Hush for now.

Thanks! I think the slobby part is key to my mood. If I look good while slobbing that's a huge bonus for me instead of feeling guilty and ugly.

Hopefully Wed 26-Feb-14 10:53:29

I love having nice-ish loungewear - it makes such a difference to how I feel, as I spend an awful lot of time slobbing round the house with the DCs. I love these harem pants instead of joggers (I am pg at the moment, but wore them before I was, and they were a good fit then too). Hush is great if you want to spend £££.

Mrswellyboot Wed 26-Feb-14 09:46:56

Hello op

I would suggest jersey black bottoms from marks and spencer for around the house. Or black yoga pants.

I recently culled my wardrobe and bought a few basics and feel much better now that everything on my wardrobe is wearable! You will feel much better in the long run. I also thinned out my makeup bag and earrings. Repaired buttons on coats etc.

Can you give stuff to charity so you feel a bit better?

sewbee50 Wed 26-Feb-14 09:41:51

You've all been really helpful, thanks for letting me know I'm not alone and for the practical ideas to help. I will work out what I NEED and make a list.

I will continue my declutter today to make sure I go into March with only things that flatter.

I have a couple of things to ask - my 'slobbing around the house' wear is a pair of tracksuit bottoms from Dash - unbelievably unflattering and old-fashioned to boot! What could I wear instead?

Dresses - I'd love for cotton dresses to be my mainstay for a change but can't find anything I like - where could I look on the High Street for ideas?

I'm 5'6" size 10

Thanks a lot for the pinterest idea - I have started one this morning.

I feel a lot better than I did yesterday - good point about getting out into the fresh air frugal I think I'm climbing up my own backside sometimes as I get so fixated on self, self, self!

Thanks everyone thanks

Hopefully Wed 26-Feb-14 08:06:32

OP you've done the hardest, crappiest bit now. What is left is to start replacing those things with higher quality clothes that you love, that make you feel 10/10 every day. I really really think that everyone has the right to feel good about their appearance all of the time.

Bunnymother's advice on the Pinterest shopping list is a really good idea - I have a list of only about four things that I really want this season on my Pinterest shopping list, and I probably won't buy much else. Other things have made it onto the list and been wiped off again once I've sat and looked at them for a while and realised that they either aren't useful or don't sit well in my wardrobe.

I actually hardly shop in sales at all - only the odd pair of heels in a brand and style that I know works for me (from LK Bennett) or something from my shopping list that has been just a little to £££ to justify all season. Sales shopping is demoralising and 60% of the time there's a good reason that it hasn't sold at full price. I know there are bargains to be had, but the potential for disaster and the necessary rooting through to find the good stuff are my idea of hell.

mcgilly Wed 26-Feb-14 07:50:26

Well done , it does sound like you are at the beginning of an exciting process. And that you've done the really hard decluttering part. Maybe you're worn out and tired from that. Give yourself a pat on the back and a break, then start the next stage when you are refreshed. Sales shopping rarely result in perfect choices for anyone anyway.

bunnymother Wed 26-Feb-14 06:19:55

What works for me is to add things to Pinterest (wish list board), then buy from that over the course of the season, including in the sales. I am a ruthless returner of things that don't work for me, too. It helps keep me on track, as I am easily seduced by nice clothes, otherwise.

The things I buy and keep are re pinned to a my wardrobe Pinterest board, and the things returned, or decided against, are deleted off my Pinterest wish list board. All this really helps me focus on what I have and what I like / need.

Good luck!

FrugalFashionista Wed 26-Feb-14 06:15:42

Hi OP, we live in an inherently consumeristic society where it's really difficult to resist the 'buy, buy, buy!' messages.
I felt depressed yesterday when I looked around in my bedroom. I've been busy of late so it's cluttered up with piles of clothes, books, makeup, most of which I don't need.

I'd recommend this book and the blog 'Recovering Shopaholic' - start with this post. Breaking the cycle of buying is hard but can be done. It involves some soul-searching and trying to understand what you are really shopping for. I've been trying to change for well over a year now and things have improved a lot. Start doing something positive today - return something, continue the clearout, or donate, repair or repurpose something. Most important, spend a few moments doing something that feels enjoyable and makes you feel good. Clothes or makeup really don't make me feel better - time spent outdoors, with friends or engaged in activities that I enjoy do!

I'm going to be less busy tomorrow so I'll join you then in decluttering. I could easily find four foundations to ditch too wink

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